Monday, April 29, 2013

Do the right thing.

Vikings fans,

If you want Minnesota to get rid of Chris Kluwe because he is a sub-standard football player, fine.  I think he's a good punter and he did a great job as a holder for rookie kicker Blair Walsh this season.  The Vikes went 10-6 and made the playoffs because every single guy on that team did his job well.

If you want Minnesota to get rid of Chris Kluwe because he is overpaid, fine.  He only made $1.3 million last year, while the minimum NFL salary is $405K for a rookie and $840K for someone with Kluwe's 9 years of experience, and the Vikes have more than five million in cap space for 2013.  I think they can afford him for one more season.

If you want Minnesota to get rid of Chris Kluwe because he has the balls to speak his mind and fight for the LGBTQ to have all the same rights as he does, especially the right to marry, go to hell.  The guy is not some sort of basket case, like Randy Moss was, and the Vikings brought HIM back.  Kluwe's only crime here is that the guy is a decent human being.

And if you're one of those bigots crying foul over NBA center Jason Collins, who just came out of the closet, making him the first openly gay man in the four major North American professional sports, I really hope your god shows you the same love and mercy that you should be showing for all people on this earth.

Zygi Wilf, Rick Spielman, Leslie Frazer, whatever you do, it better be for the right reasons.  Because if you do not do the right thing, you'll lose me as a potential fan.


Friday, March 29, 2013

Just keep it to yourself

OK, yeah, the #2 seeded University of Minnesota Golden Gophers Men's Hockey team got beat by #15 Yale today in the NCAA playoffs.  But for you North Dakota fans, here are a few things to keep in mind while you're celebrating...

First of all, being my friend is not a right.  IT'S A PRIVILEGE.  If you want to brag about Minnesota's shortcomings, keep it on your Facebook wall and off mine.  I would not do the same if the situation was reversed.  Sure, I'd brag on my page, but it's MY page.  I can do that.  If you can't respect this, then you can't be my friend anymore.

Second, do you know how bad this makes you?  Trolling for hate by poking at the bear like that?  Contrary to popular belief, Facebook IS NOT a public forum, especially the little tiny corner of it that is mine.  But if you think it should be, then you better follow Wheaton's law:  DON'T BE A DICK.  Well said, Mr. Crusher.

Now, I know at this point, some of you might be saying, "Geez, Paul, lighten up.  It's only a game/sport."  Hypocrite.  If it was only a game, why are YOU getting so excited about it.  Sports, along with pretty much every other media outlet, be it television, movies, music, books...  They exist in part to allow us to escape from the real world, even if it's only temporarily.  I'm sure every person on this earth who is fortunate enough to live in a society like ours has bitched at least ONCE about some plot twist, some re-imaging, some THING that disrupts their idyllic fantasy world in a way that is most unpleasent.  You know you have, and denying it just makes you look even more guilty of it.

But hey, if you want to pat yourselves on the back, even though UND hasn't WON anything (yet), by all means, go ahead and stroke it.  Just don't be coming all over me, you sick perverts.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

What in the World (of Warcraft)...?

Yes, the rumors were true, I had been playing World of Warcraft again.


I pulled the trigger on a 10-day free trial, and you know what I found out? Blizzard put the game on easy mode.

It was not tough to do quests, because they show you where to go on the map and who to kill to complete them. Dungeons required no effort, because they show where each boss is, and you can constantly pull enemies into combat. It cut the time of a crawl down from 120 minutes to 20 minutes. Leveing up is cake too, because now you get experience from picking herbs and mining for ore.

It's disgusting. When I first played WoW, it required a lot of effort to get tuned up to go to the Molten Core. Now? I bet my four-year-old nephew could get up to level 90 in a matter of hours.

I think, with no proof once so ever, Blizz caved into the whiners (Lerrilin) who wanted to access ALL the game content that came with their $15 monthly subscription. Goddamn millenials and their sense of entitlement...

Sorry, Clint, Chris, and Cynthia, but I'm not coming back on a permanent basis. I just don't think it's worth it. Besides, I've got more important stuff to do. My girlfriend is moving in with me, I'm applying to the MBA program at the University of Minnesota, and I've got some team to cheer for.

I love you guys, and I want to come back to play with you again, because I feel I've got some unfinished business to take care of in Azeroth. But right now? I've got some real-life quests to complete...

Friday, September 7, 2012

That was ALLLLLLLLLLLL me...

President Obama, I am better off than I was four years ago, but not because of you.

I earned my promotion at John Deere two years ago.  I put in the time and effort to get noticed by the bigwigs, and they rewarded me for my hard work.

And if you think I'm earning more because of your policies, your laws, your presidency, prove it to me.  Show me what you did that help me out here.  The burden of proof is on you here buddy.

I am better of than I was four years ago.  But corelation does not mean causation.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

If you build it, they will come

Why haven't CBS and Viacom created a Star Trek television channel?  I mean, if the WWE can create their own channel with all their original programming...  Each major sports leage now has their own network... FUCK, even MTV is still on the air, and that DETRACTS from American society.

It wouldn't be that hard to fill up a schedule using just the five TV series and 11 feature films.  Take a look:
That's 736 hours of Star Trek (including commericals), enough to last you more than 30 days of 24-hour coverage.  Throw in some specials, like Beyond the Final Frontier.

And you don't have to air everything in chronological or production order.  Think of how many marathons you can do, tying episodes together.  Q episodes, Worf episodes, Borg episodes, time travel episodes.  30-40 major cast members amongst the five series, air a block of epsiodes featuring each character they play on their birthdays.

Hey, the jocks have their TV networks.  So do musicians, history buffs, kids.  You name it, there's at least one channel targetted towards a very specific demographic.  And nobody is currently airing DS9 or Voyager, and I barely see TNG on cable these days (a couple episodes on SyFy and BBC America per week).  If you build it, they will come.  From every quadrant of the Milky Way galaxy, we'll tune in, and we will enjoy it.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Is it over yet?

Good lord, how many more of these Twilight movies are they going to make?  I'd be way more interested in them if Ashley Greene was the star, and she was running around dressed like this:

Source: Sports Illustrated 2010 Swimsuit issue

But seriously, there was one good Twilight movie.  You can never go wrong with a Reese Witherspoon topless scene.

Monday, November 7, 2011

What's a guy to do?!?!

I know I'm going to regret asking this, but has been boggling my mind for the last couple of months...

Ladies, do you know of any woman who agreed to have sex with a guy after he asked her to? (No details necessary, just a simple yes/no answer will suffice.)

It seems to go against everything I believe to be true about the male-female relationship model. I'm used to working for it. Be a nice guy, do some sweet talking, treat a women right, buy her a few things, and wait for her to be ready.

What's worse, it seems like it's a double-edged sword. If I ask a woman to sleep with me, she may get upset for thinking she's easy. But if I don't, I'd be accused of thinking that woman doesn't enjoy sex.

Can someone explain to me how this actually works? I mean, I know the best way is to find out for myself and do it. And I got nothing to lose. But just can't make up my mind.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Where's my iPhone?

So, I have a classic 80 GB iPod (6th Gen), a Windows Mobile 6 Samsung SCH-i760 smartphone, and an original 16 GB iPad.

I'm starting hate Apple these days. Mostly becuase I'm responsible for managing them at John Deere, and they keep neglecting the business market in favor of personal consumers. But they'll screwing me over on that side as well.

My cell phone is nearly three years old and up for replacement. But I'm still waiting for Apple to release an iPhone with sufficient hardware capabilities. I want an iPhone that replaces both my cell phone AND my iPod. That means at least 128 GB of storage.

"Dude, just use the cloud." No. Besides the security concerns I have with opening up my data to the outside world, I don't want to PAY to store and access my own data.

"DUDE, YOU BOUGHT AN iPAD!!" That's besides the point. I bought a refurbished, bottom-of-the-line, previous version of Apple's famed tablet device TO REPLACE MY LAPTOP, after the AC adapter port broke on it. The $349 was cheaper than $600-900 for a new laptop, especially when all I'm using it for is Facebook/Twitter/web surfing from my couch or on the road.

So, back to the iPhone thing: I have over 7400 songs on my iPod, taking up 52 GB of disk space. Apple would charge me $100 a year to put all that music (up to 55 GB) in their iCloud. Amazon offers 100 GB at the same yearly rate. Not to mention what a service plan from a cell provider would charge me for streaming all that data (I listen to my iPod about 6-8 hours a day).

I am grandfathered in with Verizon's unlimited data plan, but I'd STILL have to get a newer phone, because the software to use either cloud on my 4+ year old dinosaur WM6 phone doesn't exist.

So, until Steve Jobs and Tim Cook release the type of iPhone I want, I'm not upgrading. I'll use the money I'd save from the cloud for a higher-end, larger capacity, and probably more expensive cell phone/MP3 player, only paying for the single upgrade and the ability to carry one fewer device with me when I leave the house. #WorthIt

Monday, March 21, 2011

What's my age again?

I think I'm 30 going on 20.  Consider this:
  • I dress in a T-shirt (long or short sleeve, sometimes both), jeans, and sneakers everyday.
  • I enjoy wearing hats.  Baseball caps, winter beanies, Santa hats.  I usually throw one on before leaving the house.
  • I think I'm invincible and that I'm going to live forever.
  • I'm trying to grow my hair out long, because I've never done it before.
  • I listen to my iPod at work and in public (unless I'm hanging out with someone).
  • I've been doing more social drinking lately (going to bars or people's houses for a few drinks).
  • I like going to and shopping at music and record stores.
  • I'm teaching myself to play bass guitar.
  • I'm constantly flirting with anything in a skirt (figuratively, not literally).
But you know what?  Life is short.  Why shouldn't I try to make the most of it by enjoying every single moment?

I like this new me.  He's much better than the old me.
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