No, don't get up, I'll get it...

 Growing up, my family was very sedentary...

I'm sure I did my part to burden my mom with tasks like laundry when I was a kid.

But no one else around the house was eager to help out when needed.

My dad, who I was thankful for his sacrifices growing up, could have done more to help.  He was of the type that had kids so they could do his bidding.  And it was never enough.  There were times where I'd be minding my business or maybe acting a little goofy in the living room, and he'd start yelling because I wasn't doing chores.  Asshole...

My sister?  Fat chance there.  She was (and probably still is) the kind of person who'd expect you to feed her grapes while she lounged on a chair.  There was one instance where she was looking in the fridge, and she got mad AT ME when I asked her to grab me a soda.  Then my dad would yell at me for not getting the soda myself.  He also yelled at me once that I wasn't get HER a soda.  WHILE SHE WAS SITTING CLOSER TO THE FRIDGE.

Needless to say, I'm quite resentful about the whole thing.  If it was up to me, I'd have nothing to do with any of them ever again...

Sadly, since they're still alive, I'm sure it'll all happen again.  Even though I live 1500 miles away...

Write that down!!

 I work up early Sunday morning thinking about the passing of Foo Fighters drummer Taylor Hawkins, and felt the need to make a note of these three things:

1. I’m gonna need some stuff…

2. “What should we call this?”

3. A tribute to Taylor Hawkins…

I don’t remember much of the context of that line of thinking.  I think I was Dave Grohl in a dream or something.  I remember planning this on a warm sunny day at a beach.  That’s about it.

No idea where I was going with that.   And I’m OK with that.  No point of grasping at straws that wouldn’t get spun into gold…

A million and one comments

Well, it's been a while since I've done this, so let's get started...

The NHL is back. And I really don't care. It doesn't look like Dallas is going to have much of a chance this year. And since I don't get OLN in Fargo, I won't see a televised hockey game until January. It's almost like hockey is non-existent.

The Who are freakin' awesome. A great classic rock band. I have to delve deeper into that genre of music someday.

I've sure you've all seen the signs (#1 and #2). The apocalypse approaches. Beg for your god(s) forgiveness. The end is coming.

PHP is an amazing language.

Sometimes I wonder why I should ever be on-call at work. No one ever calls me.

I think I've become so bored with the original CSI, I might start watching the Miami spin-off. And yes, that might make me a hypocrite.

For a few days there, I was thinking of taking my blog in a more personal direction and talking more about my day-to-day experiences. Then I realized that I don't do anything.

I'm so glad the baseball season is over. It was one of the most painful ever. Totally sucked. A complete write up in the coming weeks. Or months. Or years. Whatever.

OK, there's this new movie where Reese Witherspoon haunts this really cool apartment this guy moved into. And Napoleon Dynamite is in it too. Seems really silly. But it looks good. Like great date movie good.

If you're a professional athlete, is it OK to ask teammates or fellow athletes in your league for autographs? Or is this a taboo?

Is it just me, or are everyone's eyes uneven? Like one is slighty higher on the face than the other. I've been noticing that a lot lately. Well, on television...

They say "Don't wear white after Labor Day". Okay. When does it become acceptable to wear white again?

The range of human hearing is between 20 Hz and 20,000 Hz, on average. So, let's say, hypothetically, the range was really 20 Hz and 20 million Hz. Would we be able to hear AM radio signals being broadcast at say, 850 KHz? In real time? Of course, we'd be able to hear everything below that, which would be a lot of noise, static, and other frequencies...

Riddle me this...

Would it be possible to track Superman via GPS? Assuming, of course, you could trick him into carrying it.

Liz Hurley is 40? No f'ing way.

Who's the idiot who keeps allowing Rob Schneider to make movies? Or the idiot who letting him appear in movies? How about the ones who keep going to his movies?

So, they made a Swiffer for carpets, huh? Why am I not surprised? Next up: a Swiffer for mowing the lawn.

Was that Julia Roberts in the new Dave Matthews Band video?

OK, you've seen Good Will Hunting, right? You notice how the professor's assistant gets all green-eyed when he takes Matt Damon under his wing? Please don't tell me that I'm the only one who saw that. Probably they didn't explore that angle further in the movie, it would have made things a bit complicated.

Also notice that this movie was about the point where Ben started going on the decline and Matt started rising?

Why is it so freakin' difficult to do anything in Linux? I mean, really. If you high-and-mighty anti-Microsoft open source lovers really want to ween us away from Lord Bill, you'd make your damn programs easier to install and configure. And consolidation wouldn't hurt you too much, either.

How could I forget to put Sarah Chalke from "Scrubs" on my list? What was I thinking?

Once I get inside your head, I'm not leaving. Or should that be the other way around...?

Come down on the street and dance with me

A big thanks to Rivers Cuomo for unknowingly letting me use one his song lyrics for the title of this post.

You ever seen a shaving commercial? For shaving gel or disposable razors? The guys in those commercials always appear to be shaving with the grain. Now, I do it too. But aren't you supposed to shave against the grain? Tell me about it, 'cuz I'm questioning my own beliefs here.

I can understand not giving idiots who run out onto the playing area at a sporting event the satisfaction of appearing on television, but it's so entertaining when players start beating the hell out of them. Those moments give us some great highlights. Like that time Dick Butkus leveled an idiot at a Bears game. Classic.

Why do they even bother having refs in Pro Wrestling? No one listens to them. They serve no purpose. They can't keep order, especially when more wrestlers join the fracas.

The perfect muffin would be large. Like a half pound or something. Crunchy texture on top, but light and fluffy inside. Sweet and buttery. Warm. And plain. If they make plain muffins... Fruit fillings, like blueberry, are OK if used sparringly. But they usually just get in the way and don't taste so great.

Speaking of which, I just found out that the state muffin of Minnesota is blueberry. Why, oh why, did they need a state muffin? If you're a Minnesotan, you should be ashamed of yourself. Damn kids.

God, they even have a state mushroom. Good lord...

Learn this and other fun facts at Wikipedia. I find it to be a very educational, interesting, and enjoyable site. Learning can be fun. And knowledge is power.

If I threw my unopened bottle of soda out the space shuttle's airlock, what would happen to it? Would it explode open because of the carbon dioxide gas trying to equalize the air pressure on the inside and outside, or explode due to the increase in heat. Would the side of the bottle not facing the sun cool off, like nearly freeze?

Ah, it doesn't matter. I prefer cans. Conversely, beer should be stored in glass bottles. It tastes better, and you'll never know when you need a weapon to defend yourself with in a bar fight.

The person who downloads the 500 millionth iTunes song will win, among other things, 10 iPods. Who came up with this stupid idea? Why would anyone ever need more than 1? Hell, why even give away an iPod at all? If you're buying iTunes, you've probably already got one to begin with. The winner would be better off with $5000 cash. Save him the time from putting them up on eBay.

No need to thank me, I'm just doing my job.

Transition offense

OK, let's start off talking about some summer movies...

Steve Buscemi is the perfect actor if you have a creepy guy role in your movie.

Scarlett Johansson is a beautiful young actress who carries herself with a lot of grace. You don't see that very often these days.

This movie Stealth, starring Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx, is one of those movies that looks like it's so bad, that you just have to go see it to find out how really bad it is.

Making a new "Bad News Bears" movie seems like a terrible travesty and big hornets' nest, but if they must, I think Billy Bob Thornton was a perfect fit as the coach.

Almost as horrible: Mrs. Doubtfire 2. Are they totally out of ideas in Hollywood?

Speaking of rehashed garbage: Herbie is a VW Beetle. A classic one. Definitately not made in the U.S.A. Therefore, it could not be used to race in the NASCAR Nextel Cup circuit. Just like Disney to fuck up the world and write their own twisted reality to sell movie tickets.

DEI needs to add another team member if they want to find success in NASCAR's major league. Another experienced driver and crew. I don't think Martin Truex Jr. is there yet. Three or four cars would give DEI what it needs to achieve it's ultimate goal: a Dale Jr. championship.

Is it just me, or is Michael Waltrip the goofy, sidekick neighbor to Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s leading man? Watching any commercial with the two of them... it's like they should be in a sitcom or something.

OK, most people are probably going to tell you that Driven was not a very good movie. I don't think it's that bad. I find it very watchable. Decent. My only real problem with it is how buddy-buddy everyone is at the end of the movie. Over the course of 2 races and a few weeks, everyone becomes best friends after several months of passionate disdain.

Let's face it, Ashton and Demi are for real. There's no trickery involved. However, I don't buy Katie and Tom. My question is: Who's going to be Punk'd? No, seriously. I wonder if Vegas has odds on this.

Nearly two and a half months have gone by. And those damn Pale Hosers are still leading the A.L. Central. They're winning on luck, not skill. Playing way above their expected win-loss ratio. Just crash and burn already. Then we can end the formality of the regular season and move on to October, so we can crown the eventual A.L. Central champion Minnesota Twins.

Solve for X: Apple + Intel = X.

Whoever went to town on Lindsay Lohan with the ugly stick should be shot.

Is it just me, or is McAfee releasing a new DAT file for their VirusScan program every day now? Damn virus writers. I hope they get a virus. Preferably Ebola.

Random acts of mindless blogging

You should never complain about a friend's wedding. There's a very good chance that you'd come off as self-centered. It's about them, not you.

Teal'c does not make a very good cowboy. In fact, he looks quite gay (as in homosexual) dressed as such.

For the record, Darth Vader said, "No, I am your father."

A.J. Foyt has been reading my blog...

OK, I'm going to assume you're familiar with how the uvula is normally shaped. A little round thing at the end. Mine is not shaped that way. It's more of a stalagtite.

I'm almost rid of this damn cold I've had for the last two weeks, but now I think my taste buds are all FUBARed from the many cough drops I was sucking down.

March 27

I haven't done this in a long time, and I've been meaning to, but I just haven't. Until now. It's another set of random comments.

So, who smokes more of the ganjah? The person who proposed making Miss Congeniality 2, or the studio exec who agreed to make that film? Seriously. Why?

My nearby grocery store sold out and conformed to look like all the other grocery stores owned by the same guy. It's sad. And not at all convenient. I mean, who puts aisles running perpendicular to each other? Really?

If I buy a season of South Park on DVD, do I get all the cussing with no bleeps? I would hope so. Cuss words just make everything funnier. They bleep them out for airing on TV, and bleeps are added after the sound track is recorded. The show is meant for mature audiences (adults). Anyone who's not offended by the show would surely not be offended by those kinds of words.

Speaking of optical media, they have these two versions of next-generation DVD's, Blu-Ray and HD-DVD. I don't care which one comes out on top. But I do hope one format allows studios to put an entire season of a TV show on 2 discs, instead of these 6 or 7 disc sets that cost $75 or more. Whichever one can do that, I'll support it.

My tax return is going to come out to $385. Sweet. That buys me half of a computer.

Any time I watch Independance Day or Top Gun, I want to play Starfox 64. And just the all-around, dogfighting levels. Nothing is more fun than flying around in close combat and shooting down as many planes as possible.

You're still here? It's over! Go home. Go on.

More assorted Super Bowl comments

Halftime show observations:

• What was with that weird violin-looking bass Paul was playing?
  
• OK, who did what exactly in The Beatles? I know Ringo played drums. Paul and John wrote the songs. But what instruments did they and George play?
  
• Does McCartney need to pay royalties to Sony when he plays one of the songs he wrote? What about those he co-wrote with Lennon? Or those written by just Lennon, but recorded and performed by the Beatles?
  
• I always enjoy it when McCartney plays "Hey Jude" live.

Note to Fox: The O.C. did not redefine a generation. Not even close. Don't be making such blatantly outrageous claims about your shows. They're not that good. They borderline suck. And stop overpromoting them. I hate you so much.

I feel sorry for the guy who does the voiceovers for the Fox promoes. Poor, sad bastard.

New England is driving. If they score on this drive, I think it's over.

Cocky Patriots. Doing the "Flying Eagle" dance when they score. This isn't something you expect from such a "modest" team. Now, I kinda really dislike them. It's quite annoying. I'd be downright furious if I was an Eagles fans. If you are, you should be.

Our soldiers don't get enough respect. So many people are anti-military, that they fail to realize that real, flesh and blood human beings, just like themselves, are willing to risk their lives to protect theirs. People die so you can live to bitch about it. So wrong.

Yup, the Eagles try to hit a home run and whiff. The deep McNabb to Pinkston pass was incomplete on 3rd down. Philly had to punt. This game is nearly over. It would be if the 45-yard punt return wasn't called back due to a holding penalty.

Oops. Holding a knife and the cat covered in red sauce. That can't look good. If I was that guy, I'd pray to God that my S.O. believed me.

More monkeys. I like monkeys. Everyone likes monkeys. And if you don't like monkeys, you have no soul.

Oh, if Philly could have gotten to that jump ball and picked it off, they'd be back in it.

When I see a disaster movie, I always wonder how the survivors clean up after facing certain death and overcoming such adversity. And I'm talking those movies where millions die. Like Independence Day.

OK, if Philly goes 76 yards for the touchdown on this drive and stops the Patriots on the next drive, they're back in it.

So, if Freddie Mitchell doesn't catch a ball today, but the Eagles win the Super Bowl, will he be justified in shooting his mouth off? Sure, he did nothing to contribute to the win, but he'll be going to the victory parade and getting a ring. You really can't be feeling too bad about that.

Another Philadelphia first down. They're getting back in this one...

I've always been a fan of using many short passes instead of trying to go big on every single play. Short passes are easier to complete. Short passes use more time on the clock. Short passes allow you to get out of bounds. Even if I sent everyone downfield, I'd be tempted to keep one guy close for an easy dump off in case no one is open downfield.

Touchdown Brian Westbrook!! It's all tied up. Philadelphia is back in this one.

Lockable in-bed trunk on a truck. Genius. Why didn't I think of that?

Mini-celebrities are silly. Especially Shaq and Deion. And no, I don't think it's too much bling.

Is it just me, or does Tom Brady kinda look like Matt Damon? Definitely if they were both wearing football helmets.

New England driving; momentum going back their way...

End of 3. Still tied. Usually it'd be anyone's game, but I think momentum is on New England's favor. They're in a much better position to win this game.

The next 16 yards decide this game.

New England got in the end zone. I think this game is over. Philly has to come straight back and score one to get back in it.

Interesting effect in the Toyota commercial. But not very impressive.

Not as good of a kickoff return for the Eagles this time. Not a good start.

Westbrook stopped for a big loss on the ground. Three and out. A Pats FG clinches it. Philly has to make a big play. Take the ball away. Something.

Budweiser Select, eh? I'll give it a try.

Eagles stop on first down. Looked like more than a 3 yard loss. 19-yard pass to Deion Branch. Penalty on Philly for roughing the passer. Dillon runs inside the 10. The Eagles defense is looking tired. Dillon runs for a first down. New England inside the 5. Fullback stopped at the line of scrimmage. Timeout as Jevon Kearse is on the ground with a leg cramp.

Monkeys again!! And they're kissing the asses of other monkeys!

Back to the game, Brady's pass knocked down. Dillon stopped at the line of scrimmage. Vinateri will come out for a field goal. A decent stop, but I still don't think the Eagles can come back from this. Ten points with less than nine minutes to go.

I hate the Stupid Spoiled Whore Twins. Paris got what see deserved in that South Park episode. It's time for people to see the truth about the World's Dumbest Slut.

My MVP prediction: Deion Branch.

I was in the bathroom during the big pass to T.O.

Well, it doesn't matter now. Donovan threw another pick. Game over.

Philly driving after forcing N.E. to punt. But they're going to have to hurry if they want to get back in this one. And you can't expect T.O. to be open deep on every play.

Hey, Freddie, nice of you to show up!

Anyone ever recover an onside kick in the Super Bowl? Cuz that's what it's going to take for Philadelphia to win.

Why is P. Diddy driving through the desert to an award show, while wearing a tux?

"American Dad" would seem funnier if Patrick Warburton did the voice for the main character.

Touchdown Philly with 1:48 to go. They needed that if they wanted even a sliver of a chance to win this game. But it's too little, too late. Sad.

A TD gives the people who bet on the Over a win.

Onsides kick unsuccessful.

Washington has won 3 Super Bowls? I thought that only had 2. One against Denver and one against Buffalo. Oh, maybe one against Oakland, when Doug Williams was their QB. OK, 3 sounds right. My mistake.

Philly stops the Pats. They'll get the ball back one more time.

96 yards and 46 seconds stand between Philly and any chance of winning. Where's John Elway or Joe Montana when you need them?

Another interception by New England. They've won another Super Bowl. Good for them. I hope it's their last in a long time.

That's it. Time to leave the stadium.

Assorted Super Bowl comments

The new XXX movie. With Ice Cube? Upgrade!

You know, this is what Bill Simmons was talking about. The game decided by a bad coin flip. You don't want to blame the kid, cuz then you feel like such a bastard. But you'd think they'd find a kid who could (or could be taught to) flip a coin.

Nice return on the opening kickoff.

The Bud Light commerical where they're going skydiving, and the dude throws the Bud Light out the plane to get the guy to jump, but the pilot is the one who goes after it. Hilarious. I laughed out loud for 5 minutes. The Anheiser-Busch company can always produce a great ad. They're untouchable.

Good call overturning McNabb's fumble.

P. Diddy showing up to a big award show in a Diet Pepsi truck. Then it becoming the new big trend. Not surprising if that actually happened. And Carson Daly is such a massive tool, that he'd would do it and try to impress P. Diddy. Can't we put him to death yet? Damn.

Vin Diesel in a Disney movie. Now he's officially old news.

Four punts so far. Defensive battle, indeed.

Wow, big play by T.O. and a Patriots penalty on the same play. I think they'll score first. Definitely enough for short field goal range.

Geez, another New England penalty. And they would have taken the ball away. Stupid penalties cost you games.

Rob Scheinder as the "You can do it!" guy in yet another Adam Sandler movie. I don't even think you can call him an actor anymore. Leaving SNL can kill so many careers.

That poor bastard in the Ameriquest commercial. Maced, hit with a bat, then tasered. Ouch. And yet another reason I think cell phone use is out of control. More on that some other time.

You know, a day will come when Super Bowl tickets are so expensive, that you have to wonder if the price includes round-trip airfare.

Another Philly turnover. That can't be good.

Scoreless after one quarter. Hope you didn't take the over (which is 48 for this game, a little high, IMO, but I don't know much about gambling on football, except "always bet against the Vikings"). :)

Funny, I thought a good show like "CSI" was America's #1 show, not some piece of crap like "American Idol". Sorry, I had to take my shot at that one.

P = The Eagles are a passing team. P = True.

Two great catches by Todd Pinkston. Amazing. I go with my original statement. Philly will score first.

And yes, Brian Westbook is a key factor in this game. Playing well so far.

The New England helmets are shiny.

Top 5 Philly guys I'd like to see score a TD: McNabb, Westbrook, Pinkston, T.O., and that construction worker guy.

I wrote that sentence during the play that the Eagles scored their first touchdown.

The running animals. I saw "Budweiser commercial" coming a mile away. Clever, but not particularly funny.

So that's were MC Hammer was...

Apple and Pepsi are giving away 200 million iTunes?!

I always chuckle when I see a guy on the sidelines at a football game sucking down oxygen with a gas mask.

Wait a minute... How the hell did those kids know who MC Hammer was? I think his 15 minutes ended about the same time those kids were born.

The officials are doing a good job with the challenges. And so are the coaches. This instant replay system is excellent.

Good run by Corey Dillon. Good running backs are supposed to make those cuts. That's what they're paid for.

Hee hee. Monkeys. But it's true. We do feel that way some times. That we have to do everything at work. Like we're the only competent employee at our places of employment. But my dad will tell you, he always feels that way, because it's true. He does work with a bunch of idiots (in his opinion, and he's always right... **BARF!**).

Constant thought during the first half: can't wait to see Paul McCartney's old man-boobs. Ha ha ha.

Speaking of boobs, Justin Faggotass should have gotten more flak for that stunt last year. And Janet Jackson less.

Two minute warning.

Another Batman movie. Why? And was that Katie Holmes? I hope she found her boobs. Cuz they've been M.I.A. for a few months.

I don't want to see Dennis Rodman take a bath. That's just wrong on so many levels.

David Givens, that was such a bad idea. Making fun of T.O. after scoring a touchdown. Well, since you no longer have any use for that head of yours (since it does not contain a brain), you won't mind when some Eagles player rips it off.

Another good kickoff return by the Eagles. But penalty. Suck. Anywho, don't be surprised by if they take one back for a TD in this game.

Yup, pretty even game so far. As expected. Halftime!!

To be continued...

Pre-blog random thoughts

I plan to blog every Monday night from now on. I wonder how long that will last...

Until then, enjoy these random thoughts. You could see it as a precursor to this blog. Next week: my goals for the new year.

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How does Queen Elizabeth II fill out the "Name" portion of a form? Is her first name "Elizabeth", or is it "Queen"? What about a last name? Does she have one? Or does she just use "II" or "the II"? And what about where her occupation? Does she write "Queen of England", or just "Queen", or maybe some verbose title? Does anyone out there know?

Breast implants are like magic tricks. When you see a really good magic trick, you're amazed by how it was done. But when you learn how the magician does it, it just doesn't seem as special. When you see a nice pair of breasts, you're awed by their great shape and size. However, once you learn that they are not natural, they just don't seem as great.

I think I may have decided what to do with the rest of my life. That's right. Eccentric millionaire. I want to pay 70,000 people to fill a football stadium and cheer as I lead my team from a 23-0 deficit to a last-second victory. And other cool stuff. Like buying the Dallas Stars, watch them win a Stanley Cup, and skate with it over my head for hours. Taking batting practice with Torii Hunter, Corey Koskie, Harmon Killebrew, and many other current and former Twins. Building something big and pointless. That would be cool.

What does an aetheist say when you sneeze?

If loose lips sink ships, my sister could send the entire U.S. Navy fleet to the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean in less than a second.

The great thing about Iron Chef is how they much such a production out of it. Chairman Kaga's elegant costumes. The orchestra producing the Final Fantasy-esque music. The play-by-play announcing. The rich, detailed storyline.

Cleanin' out my closet

I had these sitting in my draft box for a few weeks. I thought I should post them and get them out of the way.

I plan to update my blog on a weekly basis. And I'm working on some web site stuff too. Stay tuned...

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Why does Superman fly the way he does? You know, horizontal with his arms out in front of him. Why not in a sitting position? Or the Heisman Trophy? What about the backstroke? If I was him, I'd fly in all kinds of crazy positions. And don't give me this aerodynamic crap. He's faster than a speeding bullet. Drag force don't got nothin' on the Man of Steel.

House M.D.: Good show, but on at the same time as Scrubs.

=w= Just that. Pretty self-explanitory.

So, AOL is offering virus protection software to their "members". And spam-blocking. I believe those of us in the IT industry call it the UNINSTALL feature.

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Great Mario Kart items:

Feather (SMK): Wicked air, massive shortcuts, avoids items, fun to jump outside the course boundaries and get rescued by Likatu.
Poison Mushroom (SMK): Shrink yourself down to size, then get another to get back to normal-size.
Ghost (SMK, MK64): Thieving, especially in two-player mode and using those items against your victim.
Gold Mushroom (MK64): Boost as many times as possible; time duration not limited by a number of uses.
Triple Green Shells (MK64): Great shield. Protect yourself from the debris on the road, or clean it up yourself.
Triple Red Shells (MK64): Better than greens. Can juggle target if fired with the right timing.
Lightning (SMK, MK64): Flatten the little guys! Lets you catch up in a hurry.

Notice a pattern? Nothing from the Gamecube version, Mario Kart Double Dash (MKDD). The best items were in the SNES and N64 versions, Super Mario Kart (SMK) and Mario Kart 64 (MK64).

OK, here's the thing about cable TV. 500 channels and nothing to watch. Why? Specialization of labor. What's on your regular networks (ABC, CBS, NBC, and FOX)? Everything. Sitcoms, dramas, movies, news, sports, late night and daytime talks shows, syndicated reruns. Cable stations specialize. ESPN does sports. Fox News and CNN do news. Cartoon Network and Comedy Central are self-explanitory. And it's not just content, it audience too. MTV aims for young Gen X'ers and Gen Y'ers. VH1 goes for older Gen X'ers. Nickelodeon is for kids. Spike TV is for guys, while Lifetime is for women. Most stations maybe have a half hour of programming you may be interested in PER WEEK, This is why there's nothing to watch!! Out of the 500 stations, you'll only watch a handful on a regular basis, and they're not always going to be showing the stuff you want to watch.

So, Dennis Farina replaced Jerry Orbach on "Law & Order". Upgrade!! I liked Orbach on that show, but Farina comes off as a scarier hardass. Orbach doesn't intimidate me, Farino would.

I bet Macaulay is jealous that his brother Kieran is having a more successful (or at least normal) acting career than he is.

OK, so "Seed of Chucky" makes 5, right? Only horror movies can get away with making so many sequels...

You have to be amazed by how the writers and creators of "Stargate SG-1" have used ancient mythology to establish alien civilizations. Gou'alds as Egyptian deities. Thor and the Asgard taking on the roles of the Norse Gods. However, it is too bad that they don't use figures from religions in active practice. Guess they don't want to go around offending people.

Speaking of "Stargate", when did Teal'c become such a smooth pimp? Must be the hair...

Someone should really do a cover of the Modern English tune, "I Melt With You". Preserve most of the same elements: drum beat, bass line, the humming. Add a stronger electric guitar. Tweak the synthesizer. I'm telling you, it would be excellent.

You know, you go over the things you want to say in you head, and they sound great. Then you start saying them out loud, and they seem so pathetic.

Hey, don't get upset with me. You're the one reading this crap...

Life's greatest questions?

Is it just me, or does Katie Holmes not have boobs anymore?

Do you think the studio audience at "Jeopardy!" tapings try to answer the questions, just like you or I would when watching it on TV? If so, can the contestants hear them? Or does the audience have to sit there and be quiet? Would security have to escort them out if they did answer questions out loud?

OK, you know how on "Iron Chef", they have Japanese celebrities on as judges and guest commentators? Are these A-list or B-list celebrities in Japan? Is there any way to know? I'm kinda leaning towards B-list. I'm just saying, 'cuz on Iron Chef America, they had that guy who played Gunthar on "Friends", and he's definitely B-list.

You're supposed to keep coffee in the refrigerator? Says who? Since when?

And that can't be the right way to spell "refrigerator"...

Wait a minute, Michelin is a FRENCH company?

OK, who's a member of the Brat Pack? How many are there? Are there certain qualifications? Clarification on this would be great.

Lastly, if you've got something in the oven, wouldn't make more sense to use the oven timer instead of the one on the microwave?

The force is with me

An assortment of comments, now that I have watched the new "Star Wars" Trilogy DVD Box Set...

1. That CGI Jabba that appears at the Mos Eisley Space Port? Utter crap. It looked so bad. The puppet would have better.

1a. Is it just me, or was that scene unnecessary? Han says the same stuff he told Greedo. Word for word.

2. First time I watched "The Empire Strikes Back" start to finish.

2a. Now I know how the gang got from Point A (Cloud City) to Point B (Tatooine).

3. Placing Hadyen Christensan with the Jedi Masters in the final scene of "Return of the Jedi". Why? There was nothing wrong with that scene. No reason to place him in there. Besides, the "real" Anakin was much more believable. That's who I expect him to look like if he never became Darth Vader. Not the boy he once was. The man he would have been.

4. How long is the time period of the trilogy from start to finish? From the kidnapping of Leia to the final battle over Endor and subsequent celebration. Weeks doesn't seem long enough. Years too long. I like months. But how many? Does this bother anyone else?

5. The Galactic Empire DID NOT use contractors to build the Death Star. Certainly not the second one. They built it themselves. I refer to this exchange between Moff Jerjerrod and Darth Vader:

Moff Jerjerrod: Lord Vader, this is an unexpected pleasure. We are honored by your presence...
Darth Vader: You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I'm here to put you back on schedule.
Moff Jerjerrod: I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can.
Darth Vader: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.
Moff Jerjerrod: I tell you, this station will be operational as planned.
Darth Vader: The Emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.
Moff Jerjerrod: But, he asks the impossible. I need more men.
Darth Vader: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives.
Moff Jerjerrod: The Emperor's coming here?
Darth Vader: That is correct, Commander. And, he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.
Moff Jerjerrod: We shall double our efforts.
Darth Vader: I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.

This strongly suggests that the Empire is not using an outside source to construct the massive space station. They MAY have contracted people to build seperate components, and some of those people MAY have been on the Death Star when it was destroyed, but their numbers were maybe one to two hundred, and not thousands.

6. OK, let's assume that C-3PO is gay. Why would Anakin Skywalker build a gay robot? What advantage does a gay robot have over a straight one? And at 9, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, did he even know what homosexuality is?

They should really make the "Beverly Hills Cop" movie trilogy into a video game. Especially in a Grand Theft Auto style of play with a Spider-Man 2-esque option of following a linear story or solving random crimes. You've got a great array of characters to choose from. Your main choices would be Det. Foley, Sgt. Rosewood, and Sgt. Taggard. Then there is Lt. Bogomil, Inspector Todd, and Jeffery (Paul Resier). Toss in Michael Tandino, Jenny Summers, and the "First Team" from the first movie, Lutz, his assistant, and Jan from #2, and Hector Elizondo from the third. You've got great baddies too. Victor Matelin and his right-hand man, Thamopolis, that tall blonde, Charles Kain, Maxwell Dent, and Ellis De Wald. And you can't have a BCH game with out Serge. Get real voices, toss in a multiplayer FPS mode, and you've got a gold mine.

Is "Saturday Night Live" ever going to be good again? The show has went downhill since Will Farrell left. And after Jimmy Fallon left, there are no funny reoccuring characters left. The only reason to watch it now is for the guest host. That can't be a good sign for the show.

Side note #1: How are they going to do "Weekend Update" now? Tina Fey by herself? Or put someone in Jimmy Fallon's place?

Side note #2: With Fallon gone, he won't be ruining every sketch by cracking up anymore. I won't miss that.

Ms. Julia Stiles, please stop appearing in chick flicks. You're a beautiful, talented girl, and you're letting it going to waste.

I want to try playing cricket someday. Because I want to see how baseball skills and strategies transfer to that game. Can I still smack the hell out of the ball? Swing for the fences every time? Or do I have to be a slap hitter? What about fielding? Do I want to dive to make plays?

You women don't want nice guys. You want bad asses. Why? A bad ass can act like a nice guy, and get away with it. When a nice guy tries the reverse, he looks like a damn fool. Makes me sick.

Take me out to the ballgame

OK, it's Labor Day, which can mean only one thing: September pennant races. So, here are the twenty important baseball stories (IMO) going into the final weeks of the season.

1. The Yankees dynasty is starting to crumble. There are cracks in the foundation. Pitching problems. Kevin Brown threw a tantrum and broke his hand, he's out for the rest of the season. Relievers are amassing too many innings and may not have anything left in the tank in October. Clemens is gone. David Wells is too. Sorry, but the Moose can't carry that rotation to victory by himself.

2. Also, the Yankees are assholes. Asking for a forfeit when Hurricane Frances came through Florida, preventing the Devil Rays from coming up for the first of a scheduled doubleheader. Surprisingly, Bud Selig made a correct decision, not giving the Yanks a win by forfeit, saying that the pennant race should be decided by what happens on the field. Even more surprising, Satanbrenner and Torre weren't the ones bitching about it.

3. Hooray for Boston! On August 15th, they were 10.5 back of New York. After today, that lead has been cut back to 2.5. I really hope they win the division. And I really, really, REALLY hope the Yankess don't make it to the playoffs.

4. One last remark on the AL East, there's a good chance the finishing order will be different for the first time since 1998. In each of the last six seasons, it's finished New York, Boston, Toronto, Baltimore, and Tampa Bay.

5. The Twins had a close call for the AL Central race. On August 14th, the Indians were only one game back. Now, they're 10 back and in 3rd. Chicago is in 2nd and 7.5 back.

6. Speaking of Chicago, injuries killed them. Not having Frank Thomas and Magglio Ordonez crippled their offense. And I was worried about Freddie Garcia. Heh.

7. The Indians are good. If they can pick up a pitcher or two in the offseason, and hit the same way next year as they're doing this year... The Indians of the mid-to-late 90's will be back. And will challenge the Twins for the Central.

8. Can Johan Santana will the AL Cy Young award? I think so. 16 Wins (3rd in AL), 2.95 ERA (2nd), and 224 K's (1st). He'll have to win the remainer of his starts or finish with 20 wins to be considered the top candidate.

9. I can live with not having Joe Mauer for the rest of the season if that means his knee problems won't end his career before it starts. We gave up a damn good catcher in A.J. Pierzynski. I don't want to lose another one. Especially a local kid. Who the Twins are depending on being the catcher for the next 10-15 years.

10. Hot race out West. Not as close as it once was. But I want to see Oakland, Anaheim, and Texas go into the last weekend of the season with a chance that any one of them could win the division.

11. I'm more interested in Ichiro's quest for the single-season hits record than Bonds' quest for 73 HR's in 2001. Ichiro needs 31 hits in 25 games to tie George Sisler's record of 257. Side note: I resented Ichiro in his first season, because Seattle's offense was so hot. He set the table for guys like Bret Boone and Edgar Martinez to drive him in. Give up a hit to Ichiro to lead off the game, and Seattle would be up by 3 after the first inning. Seattle beat Minnesota 8 of 9 times in 2001 because of that.

12. The Braves just won't die. They're well on their way to an insane 13th consecutive division title. And it's been this way for the last 3 seasons. Everyone picked Philly or Florida to win the division, but Atlanta just keeps finding ways to win.

13. Let's all hope that the Expos find a new home for 2005. I like D.C. as a choice. New natural rivalry with Baltimore, and opens a Philly-Toronto rivalry ('93 World Series). Doesn't mess with divisional alignments. Also helps if MLB wants 15 teams in both the AL and NL, instead of this 14/16 crap.

14. The Cardinals are running away with the NL Central. Who knew? The Cubs and Astros were the favorites. Sick. I think they're the team to beat this year.

15. Bonds is hurting the Giants. This whole "won't play a day game after a night game" crap is costing them in the standings. And that is the big reason why he SHOULD NOT be the NL MVP. Give it to someone more deserving. And less of a total asshole. I hate him.

16. The Marlins and Astros have gotten back into the NL Wild Card race. Good for them. They need some good luck after all the crap they went through this season.

17. Unfortunately, Hurricane Frances could ruin the playoff hopes for either the Cubs or the Marlins, or maybe both. They really don't have time to make up the games. And if they need to play a doubleheader one day after the season ends to determine the Wild Card team, they might not make it out of the first round.

18. Only three teams mathematically out of the race. Seattle, Arizona, and Kansas City. One more loss, and Toronto is gone. They're starting to drop like flies.

19. OK, here's how I want the playoffs to finish. Divisional Series: Twins beat the Yankees. Oakland defeats Boston. St. Louis over Los Angeles. Cubs take out the Braves. League Championship Series: Twins and Cubs. Minnesota wins the World Series.

20. Here's how it probably will finish. Divisional Series: Twins beat the Yankees. Boston over Oakland. Braves defeat the Cubs. St. Louis over Los Angeles. League Championship Series: Boston and St. Louis win. St. Louis are the 2004 World Series Champions.

Why, oh why, did they make "Tremors 4"? And it takes place in the Old West!! It hurts my brain just to contemplate it. I know Michael Gross needs work, but come on!!

When is "Ed, Edd n Eddy" coming to DVD? And will the episodes come in random order (like PPG) or sequential order?

I don't think I could ever give up my land phone line. Here's why. First, an answering machine is just a one-time payment for usage. Voice mail usually costs a monthly subscription fee. You can get an answering machine for less than $20, while voice mail can costs like $3/month. Second, I can make unlimited, anytime local calls on a land line. Most cell phones limit how much you can talk without billing you extra. Some newer plans give you unlimited nighttime and weekend talk time, but what about the daytime and early evenings, when I want to call people? Third, if you change providers, you can keep the land line phone you have. Usually, you have to buy a new cell phone.

Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. The Dude on their recent marriage.

I hope the AL West race will go down to the wire. Anaheim, Texas, and Oakland within 2 games of each other with a week left in the season. That'd be fun to watch.