Fritz's Golf Tips

It's spring, so that can only mean one thing. Golf courses around the Midwest are starting to open up. I'd like to take this opportunity to provide some tips on improving your game, from the lessons I've learned over the past three years.

1. Slicing the ball? Close your club face (rotate it towards your front foot) and open your stance (move your front foot back).
   
2. Topping the ball? If you're hitting the top of the ball on your drives, raise the height at which you tee off. I suggest using longer tees. If you're topping the ball on the fairways, from the rough, or in the bunker, choke up on the club and/or stand closer to the ball.
   
3. Focus on a smooth, fluid swing. Don't try to kill the ball.
   
4. If you wanna go Happy Gilmore-style, make sure you make good contact with the ball. Again, don't try to hit the bejeezus out of it, just keep your eye on the ball.
   
5. And keep your eye on the ball. If you swung and whiffed or otherwise hit the ball wrong, you probably took your eye off the ball.
   
6. The sign of a good drive? A broken tee. (Thanks for that tip, Dad).
   

Most of all, do not forget the words of the philosopher Kennedy: "The moment you stop learning to play golf is the moment you stop playing golf."

A handful of redemption

Ever since I was 9 or 10, the town of Carrington, ND turned on me. I hate that place. Still do. Not so much the location itself, but all the assholes that used to live there and give me a hard time. There's fewer things I'd love to do more than cause physical pain and destruction to those who inflicted emotional pain on me.

But this story isn't about them. Not really. My dad's 50th birthday is tomorrow, so I drove to Carrington this morning to take him and his best friend Pete golfing at Cross Roads, the fairly new 18-hole course in town.

I must say, I was impressed. It was a really nice course. Good condition. Wide open. Green. A lot nicer than the rest of town (which looks small and run down).

Ironically, it also turned out to be the site of my first birdie. EVER!! On the par-4 13th, I drove my tee shot about 200 yards (but to the right of the fairway), put my second shot with my sand wedge within a few feet of the hole, and nailed the putt for the bird.

I shot a 103, but I'm happy. My dad got a birdie on the final hole as well. Good times were had by all.

I may still have a bitter taste in my mouth from all Carrington has done to me. But I'll play golf there again. I think I can break 100...

"The moment you stop learning to play golf is the moment you stop playing golf." - Jeff Kennedy, 7/17/08

I don't know if that's an original Jeff Kennedy quote, but it sure sounded good.

Gopher Pride!

Since I pretty much want nothing to do with my alma mater, I've decided to back the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers.

It's mainly because of this guy. He just cracked me up when I was shopping for golf equipment this spring, and I HAD to have him.

To show my pride for hopping on the Minnesota bandwagon, I bought a couple of U of M t-shirts, and I wear them to work on Fridays.

Gopher Friday. I look forward to it every week. Gotta do something to piss off those idiot Sioux fans.

Caveat emptor

For those of you who do not know Latin: Let the Buyer Beware.

Do not buy a set of golf clubs from a company that does not have an operational web site or a phone number on the box when you want to make a warranty claim. It's a lesson I'm learning the hard way this summer (the first of hopefully many spent on the links). Maybe it's what I get for a $200 set of clubs. And I understand that golf is not a cheap sport; I also play hockey, and that was also an initial investment of $300+ to get started. But if the name of your product includes the word "Durable", then they should last me more than three months.

Conversely, kudos to the folks at Mills Fleet Farm for giving me a new 3 Wood when mine broke. Twice. Excellent customer service has diminshed, but not removed, the bitter taste this experience has left me.

Weekend at Vernie's

Fun things I did while I was in the Twin Cities area this weekend:

-- Took Friday off from work.
-- Hung out with Vern.
-- Played RBI Baseball (thanks again, Jesse Orosco) and Tecmo Super Bowl (damn you, Video Bo Jackson!!) on the big screen with Vern and Jared.
-- Won a beer, thanks to a Carl Crawford inside-the-park home run.
-- Laughed at Jared when he found out that he had to buy Vern and me each a beer when Carl Crawford hit an inside-the-park home run.
-- Tossed the apple around with The Dude.
-- Set up a wireless network in Chez Smith.
-- Enjoyed a gorgeous afternoon filled with warmer weather and sunshine.
-- Petted the world's fluffiest kitty, Petey.
-- Yelled at the world's most annoying cat, Petey.
-- Bought an HP LaserJet 2600n printer at the Maple Grove Best Buy for only $299 (regularly priced at $399).
-- Went to a couple of Twins games (a 4-2 Friday loss to and a 12-5 Saturday victory against Tampa Bay).

I only wish I could have gotten in a round of golf, drank more alcohol, and hung out with JB.

The Paul Fritz Invitational (insert sport here) Tournament

When I get rich, I'd like to host 6 celebrity sports tournaments a year. I'd have hockey in January, basketball in March, softball in May, golf in July, soccer in September, and flag football in November. Each would consist of 8 teams. With the obvious exception of golf, the teams would be split into 2 pools of 4, then seeded for a single elimination bracket to determine the winner.

The whole thing would be for charity. Every player and team would be playing for the cause of their choice. Each member of the winning team would get $5,000. Each captain would get $10,000. The winning team gets $25,000. Every participant gets $2,000, and every team gets $10,000. For the golf tournament, the overall individual winner would get $10,000.

Teams would consist of musicians, actors, former pro athletes, my friends, and me. No pro athlete can play in the tournament that he/she went pro in (example: Tom Glavine and Cal Ripken Jr. could play in the hockey and soccer tournaments respectively, but neither could play in the softball tournament).

Teams sizes are as follows: 11 for hockey (2 lines, 2 defensive pairings, 1 goalie), 8 for basketball (5v5, 3 bench players), 11 for softball (10 starters plus an extra), 4-man golf teams, 8 for soccer (1 goalie, and 7 players to be arranged in any manner desired by the captain), and 8 for football (7v7 and 1 extra). Players would be split into teams based on their individual ability. The idea is that every team has an equal chance as possible to win.

For each tournament, 2 areas of play would be needed. Again, golf is the exception, where half the teams would start at the 1st hole and the other half at the 10th. Of course, all tournaments would be held in Fargo.

After a winner has been crowned, festivities would commence. These would include a music concert, several video game stations (most likely with the same sport as the tournament), an awards ceremony.

Congratulations to the 2004 Masters Champion, Phil Mickelson. Way to go, Lefty!!

P2P file-sharing networks are wrong. Computer viruses are wrong. But computer viruses that attack the web sites of companies that make P2P file-sharing software: NOT WRONG.

The Tigers leading the AL Central? WTF? Well, they should win at least 50 games this year. :)

A friend of mine got engaged this weekend. Another one bites the dust.

Fun music videos: almost anything by Weezer, D12's "My Band", The Darkness's "I Believe in a Thing Called Love", Yellowcard's "Ocean Avenue", The Black Eyed Peas' "Hey Mama", Nickelback's "Figured You Out", Jason Mraz's "You and I Both", and John Mayer's "Clarity".

Speaking of Weezer: a list of my top 20 favorite lyrics coming later this week (if I can ever narrow it down to 20).

I love soda. That intoxicating, brown, sweet, carbonated, caffeinated liquid. Just stick it in my vein!!

Oh, look, it's "Gary & Mike". They should bring that to DVD...

I'm outta here.