Saturday, April 21, 2007

It's over. Again.

I may have mentioned this before, but poker is lame. When Chris Moneymaker turned $40 in an online tournament into $2.5 million and a 2003 World Series of Poker championship bracelet, every frat member, middle-aged fat guy, and idiot with a pair of sunglasses and a baseball cap thought he could do the exact same thing. Before 2003, poker was cool. But now that everybody and their mothers play it, follow it, practice it, live it, breathe it, it's not.

Well, in case you haven't been able to figure it out yet, poker is dead. What killed it this time? Being used as a plot device in a romantic drama starring Drew Barrymore.


This one ranks up there...

I had a very strange dream this morning.

I walk into the youth center of my former hometown of Carrington. About 6 PM, and it's starting to get dark outside. I walk towards the back of the building, and there are about 6-8 people from my past. In the dream, they're all my friends, even though some of them are/were my sworn enemies. And they're from different parts of my past. Kids I grew up with in Carrington, kids I went to high school with on Kwaj, kids I lived in the dorm with at NDSU, you get the point. Mostly female acquaintances, but there was at least one guy there. All dressed in bright blue scrubs, since they are all nurses.

They recently got back to town, after leaving work for the day (for some reason, Carrington is almost a home base for a massive amount of nurses that work in various hospitals within a 100 mile radius, and the youth center is their favorite hangout). They're sitting around, talking, drinking beer. I sit down and ask Carrie (yes, that Carrie) if the "LaMoure crew" (LaMoure is another town in North Dakota) has come back yet. Carrie thinks that they are still an hour away, due to long drive. Then Nick Frye (one of those sworn enemies from my past) says, "Why, what's up?". I respond that I'm looking for a friend, who goes by the alias "Dan Black". Dan Black is really actress-turned-nurse Katherine Heigl. And only Carrie and I know that (at least, out of the people sitting in the youth center). The reason I'm looking for her is that I want to ask her out on a date (I used to have a big crush on her about 5 years ago).

So I sit and debate what to do. Stay and wait for her to show up? Leave and come back later? After going back and forth in my mind about it for about a minute, I decide "Fuck it, I don't want to wait" and start to head outside. As I approach the front exit, I see a group of nurses in maroon, crossing the street and about to walk into the youth center. Katherine is in the group. They must have got back early or something. So I stop her (the rest of the nurses, which includes Jen, my friend Greg's fiance, go inside), and I start talking to Katherine and ask her out.

Now here's where it gets REALLY weird. It's almost like the focus of my dream shifts from the dating storyline to this new one. After I ask Katherine out and she accepts, we hear some loud arguing from the middle of the street, just around the corner of the building. We're curious as to what's happening, but we can't see from our vantage point, so we start walking over (this is the exact moment that the storyline changes). I don't know what they were arguing about, but cool heads prevailed in the end. They shook hands and starting walking up the street together, when an old '50's style convertible pulls up to them. About 3-4 guys and a girl were in it. Two of the guys hop out. Everyone not in the car do this kinda group hug thing, then they all put their arms around each other and walk up the street together. The guy on the left end, which was one of the two original guys arguing in the street, stops, turns around, turns back to his friends (who are about 25 feet up the street from him, continuing to walk up the street), then gets shot in the stomach from an unknown assailant (there were no obvious gunmen in the vicinity; so I'm thinking it was maybe a sniper from across the street or something), and dies.

Then the whole thing starts playing out like a Law & Order episode, complete with Detectives Briscoe and Green interviewing witnesses and whatnot. Right after Briscoe would make his smart-aleck remark before the opening credits, my dream ends and I wake up.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Watch him as he goes...

Why is Dr. Gregory House one of my many heroes? He speaks his mind. Doesn't matter how offensive or crude. And when he's right, it doesn't matter what he says. He comes in, saves the day, and everyone stands in awe, pretty much giving him carte blanche to do whatever the hell he feels like.

That's the way I want to live my life. When I'm at work, and I've gotten the job done, then leave me the hell alone. Unfortunately, I'm not a big enough of a jerk to hurt people with complete disregard for their feelings. So I'll just watch my hero. And live through his self-satisfaction.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Weekend at Vernie's

Fun things I did while I was in the Twin Cities area this weekend:

-- Took Friday off from work.
-- Hung out with Vern.
-- Played RBI Baseball (thanks again, Jesse Orosco) and Tecmo Super Bowl (damn you, Video Bo Jackson!!) on the big screen with Vern and Jared.
-- Won a beer, thanks to a Carl Crawford inside-the-park home run.
-- Laughed at Jared when he found out that he had to buy Vern and me each a beer when Carl Crawford hit an inside-the-park home run.
-- Tossed the apple around with The Dude.
-- Set up a wireless network in Chez Smith.
-- Enjoyed a gorgeous afternoon filled with warmer weather and sunshine.
-- Petted the world's fluffiest kitty, Petey.
-- Yelled at the world's most annoying cat, Petey.
-- Bought an HP LaserJet 2600n printer at the Maple Grove Best Buy for only $299 (regularly priced at $399).
-- Went to a couple of Twins games (a 4-2 Friday loss to and a 12-5 Saturday victory against Tampa Bay).

I only wish I could have gotten in a round of golf, drank more alcohol, and hung out with JB.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Is that allowed?

Are student-athletes at Florida State and The University of Miami allowed to drink Gatorade? What about the Gators' SEC rivals? Or the South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dogs?

And does Nike make any Duke athletic appearal with the Jumpman logo? If they did, I would think that UNC would probably revoke Mike's diploma...

Well, maybe not; it's not like he needs it. But if I was UNC, I would. Because that's just the kind of guy I am. :)

Friday, April 6, 2007

I was in my bedroom closet this evening, going through my box of momentos...

Birthday cards, high school yearbooks, wedding invitations, movie ticket stubs, trophies, sport jerseys, report cards...

And I realized something. It's important to remember where you come from... you can go back there one day and destroy everyone who wronged you!!

Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

"Is he joking?" Do you really want to find out...?

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

If I ever met John C. McGinley, I'd briefly rub nose, fold my arms, and give him a long, hard, Dr. Cox-like stare. I'd stand silent and motionless, looking right into his eyes with equal parts of anger and indifference.

Then I'd start to laugh and give him a great big hug, just like J.D. would do.

Right before I got punched in the face.

And it would totally be worth it.
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