If you build it, they will come

Why haven't CBS and Viacom created a Star Trek television channel?  I mean, if the WWE can create their own channel with all their original programming...  Each major sports leage now has their own network... FUCK, even MTV is still on the air, and that DETRACTS from American society.

It wouldn't be that hard to fill up a schedule using just the five TV series and 11 feature films.  Take a look:

• 11 feature films (3 hours per movie, 33 hours of programming)
• 79 episodes of the original series
• 178 of Next Generation
• 176 of Deep Space Nine
• 172 of Voyager
• 98 of Enterprise (if you must include that horse manure)

That's 736 hours of Star Trek (including commericals), enough to last you more than 30 days of 24-hour coverage.  Throw in some specials, like Beyond the Final Frontier.

And you don't have to air everything in chronological or production order.  Think of how many marathons you can do, tying episodes together.  Q episodes, Worf episodes, Borg episodes, time travel episodes.  30-40 major cast members amongst the five series, air a block of epsiodes featuring each character they play on their birthdays.

Hey, the jocks have their TV networks.  So do musicians, history buffs, kids.  You name it, there's at least one channel targetted towards a very specific demographic.  And nobody is currently airing DS9 or Voyager, and I barely see TNG on cable these days (a couple episodes on SyFy and BBC America per week).  If you build it, they will come.  From every quadrant of the Milky Way galaxy, we'll tune in, and we will enjoy it.

Is it over yet?

Good lord, how many more of these Twilight movies are they going to make?  I'd be way more interested in them if Ashley Greene was the star, and she was running around dressed like this:


Source: Sports Illustrated 2010 Swimsuit issue

But seriously, there was one good Twilight movie.  You can never go wrong with a Reese Witherspoon topless scene.

Why does almost every hero on TV, in the movies, and in print, have to be dark and troubled? I mean, "Yay!!" for overcoming your adversities, but isn't it getting a little ridiculous at this point?

Most heroes in the real world are just normal people who make the tough decisions to risk their own lives in dangerous situations to help their fellow man. They don't have interesting backstories; they're just like you and me. Unfortunately, that doesn't make for good ratings. There always needs to be that angle. If it's not there, the media has to make one. It's sad.

Cinematic Calamities

Dear Hollywood,

Please stop turning classic anthropomorphic cartoon figures into live-action/CGI travesties on the big-screen. Scooby Doo? Alvin and the Chipmunks? Really, do we have to? Who's next? Yogi Bear? Please don't. Just leave them alone. Please.

Thank you,
Paul

No... More... Pie...

How many more American Pie movies are they going to make?

The first one was good. It gave us Shannon Elizabeth, but what has it done for us since then? How much more can they milk from that cow?

Seven movies over ten years... Might be time to put down the pie. I hear cake is good...

I can't speak for him

"Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" - Rob Gordon, High Fidelity

I don't know if you ever came up with an answer to that question, Rob, but personally, I'd say I do the former. I use pop music to pick me up, with varying degrees of success. To get pumped up for athletic competition. To escape from the stress of work. To get my brain churning. To make me happy.

On the other hand, my pursuit of acquiring pop music makes me miserable. Well, maybe not, but it can make me unhappy. I put a lot of effort into buying CD's, getting MP3's, researching albums and bands, making sure I get the best deal possible. It drives me nuts sometimes. No matter how much progress I make, there's still more to be done. It's one of those finish lines that keeps moving further away from me as I approach it. I'm not miserable from listening to pop music, I'm miserable for WANTING to own pop music.

How much longer will I have to wait?

When am I going to get my True Lies sequel? It's been 15 years now, it's WAY overdue. Arnold Schwarzenegger should be out of office in a couple of years. James Cameron has been talking to him about it the last few years. Jamie Lee Curtis and Tom Arnold could return as well.

But the biggest reason I want to see True Lies 2 would be Eliza Dushku. Watching her kick some ass on-screen, in nice outfits, saving the day? I'll pay full price to see that in the theatres.

Two birds with one stone

After watching large portions of it over the last week, I have decided that Jerry Maguire IS NOT a football movie.

However, I will add it to my list of good Tom Cruise movies. That brings the total to 3.

Tom Cruise only made two good movies. Top Gun and A Few Good Men.

That's it. This isn't up for debate. It's fact. Don't even waste your time trying to argue. Just accept it.

I've mentioned before that my favorite Cleveland Indian of all time is Pedro Cerrano.

If I ever meet Dennis Haysbert, I'm going to tell him straight-faced...

Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum. Is very bad.

Really? Seriously?

Did we really need a fourth Final Destination film?

How many times can you go through the motions and still make a "quality" filck?

Lemme tell you how it happens. Someone has a premonition about death, cheats it, then all the friends die except for one or two.

The End. Consider yourself up to speed. That'll be $9, please pay at the second window.

10 Things I Hate About You. The Series.

Heath Ledger must be rolling in his grave... I know I would...

Seven best football movies EVER!!

In alphabetical order:

• Jerry Maguire
  
• The Longest Yard (original version)
  
• Necessary Roughness
  
• The Program
  
• The Replacements
  
• Varsity Blues
  
• The Waterboy
  

If the Empire wanted to destroy the moon Yavin 4 and the rebel base on it, why didn't they just to go THROUGH the planet Yavin by blowing it up with the Death Star, instead of just waiting to come around its orbit?

Are you mad?

I've always said the worst thing any human being could ever do was attempt to produce a big-budget remake of or sequel to Ferris Bueller's Day Off. It would drive this country to civil war.

But a remake or sequel of WarGames would be almost as bad...

The Cuban Crusher, the voodoo man with a bad attitude

Dennis Haysbert, you can try to be President of the United States of America. You can be leader of The Unit. You can even try to sell me car insurance. But you will always be Cleveland Indians slugger Pedro Cerrano to me. In fact, you're one of my two favorite Indian players of all-time, with the other being Travis Hafner (only because he's from North Dakota).

The two faces of 007

Every time I watch a Bond film starring Sean Connery, and I see the present-day Connery in another movie, I have some trouble believing it's the same man. He might sound the same, but those are two very distinctive looks.

Of course, when you're one of the top 10 actors of all-time, you can do whatever you want to your appearance.

Brilliant idea number one bazillion

This is the solution to all the spoiled, young, drunken, coked-up, stupid, slutty, talentless whores in Hollywood.

Now, I know Samuel L. Jackson is busy being in almost every movie ever, but I don't think Dave Chappelle is busy. And those whores are stupid; you could easily trick Paris, Lindsay, or Britney into a situation where one could secure their body to a tree with a heavy chain. They just have to stay there until they get all the junk out of their systems and regain some sanity.

It'll be a thousand percent more effective then that "rehab" they have been going through.

But the problem with this idea, like the rest of my ideas, is that it's so brilliant, nobody knows what to do next. They just stand in awe, but don't do anything about it. I need some lackeys to carry out my bidding.

It just doesn't do it for me

Every time I see an advertisement for Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, featuring a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Jessica Alba, I find myself thinking "That's just not right." She should stick with her brunette locks and deep brown eyes.

Hunh?

The movie "Go"...

That's the last thing I'd expect to see on Lifetime. Even if it is midnight.

Oh wait, I'm watching E!. Never mind...