Sunday, October 30, 2005


I'm gonna go buy me a lottery ticket...

I've been trying to play this game for a little while, but I never thought I'd do this.

Thank you Lord!!

The gods have answered my prayers...

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Go team!

If you're an NDSU student or alumnus, visit NDSU Bison Hockey. Support the developing hockey program. Go to a game, or 12. Tell all your friends. Shout it from the rooftops. Stand outside someone's house with a boombox over your head.

If you have no affiliation with North Dakota State, you may ignore this post.

If you're a UND supporter, FUCK OFF!!

That one decision

Travis has been spreading the seeds of doubt, even from 1500+ miles away.

Several of his acquaintances have been comtemplating that one decision that changed their lives forever, and whether they'd make the same choice again. Like his sister and his friend Bianca.

As a frequent reader of his web site and the blogs he hosts, I saw these posts earlier in the week and thought about it. Have I really made any decision that affected my life in a momentous way? Decisions I regreted? I moved out the Marshall Islands when I was 15. Not my choice. Going to NDSU? Well, there were some things I didn't like about that, but I'd say I'm pretty much happy with that selection. Back surgery? I do wish I had that one back, but see previous statement about that. Job-related? No, I liked my previous jobs, even though none of them have turned out to be permanent yet.

There were many, MANY small-to-medium decisions I always find myself regretting. But none of them life-altering.

Oddly enough, Spike TV is airing the episode of Star Trek TNG where Picard's old archeology professor wants him to leave the Enterprise to go on a quest to make the biggest discovery ever. Picard reflects on his decision to explore space and become a starship captain over an archeologist. Picard did not regret this decision, but he did feel bad for having to say no to his mentor.

Then I thought of it. That one decision I wish I could have back.

Her name is Carrie.

I let a stupid little thing like religion and parental approval keep us apart. She's Mormon; I'm not. Maybe our parents would have given their permission. My folks liked her. Her mom liked me (I never got a clear signal either way from her dad). I think we would have had their support. But I was too scared. If anyone objected, it probably would have been my dad. He's not too fond of Mormons in general. And I didn't want to lose his support.

So, we never got together. She went off and married some other guy. Swell guy, I hear.

And I continue to be miserable. And believe that I will be until I do find someone. And she'd have to be pretty damn special to make me end the regret.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Last night, I had a disturbing dream. But not disturbing in the traditional sense.

It all started when I walked out of Old Chicago on a warm summer afternoon. Across the parking lot, there was Steph, in business attire. Black suit coat and skirt down to the top of her knee. Deep teal button-down blouse. Black heels. And seven months pregnant with a mischievous grin on her face.

Rewind. Steph and I have known each other since freshman year at NDSU, but grew close when she started dragging me to watch her drummer boyfriend's band play in area bars. We must have went out watch them at least 10 times, starting in Nov. '02, before he was arrested for failing to register as a sex offender less than a year later. Shortly after that, she dumped him. Then I thought that it was my opportunity to move in, but I shouldn't have picked that moment when I was drunk in Old Chicago to make my move. We continued to hang out, but mostly at Co-Ed Intramural Hockey. By the end of that school year, Steph wasn't returning any of my calls.

Due to the way that I was treated, I felt the best thing was to cut all ties with her and move on. I caught myself thinking about her sometimes, but resisted all urges to reconnect. And I didn't see her again until our friends Paul and Nikki got married this June.

So, in the dream, Steph was treating me nice. She wanted to get on my good side again. But she didn't want to be friends again for the sake of patching things up. She didn't want me. She wanted my money or possessions or something. She wanted to use me for her own personal gain. Even tried to convince me the child was mine, when we both knew this to be false. I saw right through her. And I still wanted no part of it.

Normally, that'd be the end of it. But here's the disturbing part. Once I thought about that dream at work today, I couldn't stop thinking about it. About how the dream could be some kind of omen. How I was maybe unfair to Steph. How we should maybe go back to being friends. How I might still have feelings for her. How I want to call her. Imagining possible hypothetic situations where I might run into her, like at McDonald's on my lunch break or tonight's NDSU Men's Hockey Game .

And this just seems like a horrible idea. I have to keep talking myself out of doing exactly that. I don't want to go crawling back to her and seem even more pathetic that I already am.

I really wish I had someone to talk to about this. Travis is in Texas now. Vern's in St. Cloud. Paul and Nikki are mutual friends, but I don't know if I can talk to one of them about this without it getting back to Steph and making things worse. Maxwell would laugh at me. I could ask Lyn, but she's busy with her new daughter.

So, I blog. And fret.

As I wrote this, I was listening to U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday", a song with which I will always associate with this dilemma from now on.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

You could have prevented this, Jared

Three bad choices made in the past year by my local Subway shops:

1. The switch from Pepsi products to Coke products. Although I can't tell the difference between both colas when they come out of a fountain. Coke is usually associated with your standard fast food places, like McDonald's, Burger King, or Wendy's. Pepsi was found at your more non-traditional eateries, like KFC, Pizza Hut, or Taco Bell. Subway has nothing to do with normal fast-food fare, and in fact, bills it self as a total 180.

2. No more Cheddar Cheese. I'm not usually a fan of cheese on my sandwiches to begin with, I do like my Subway Melt with Cheddar. Without it, the sandwich does doesn't look right. The color contrast was perfectly appetizing. Now, the only choices are American, Swiss, or Pepper Jack. All white. Not so mouth-watering.

3. Goodbye Subway cards. I always got to have a footlong sandwich and soda when I go to Subway. Sure, I have to shell out nearly $8 per visit, but earning stamps so that 9th footlong was free made it worth it.

With these changes, I don't think I'm going to Subway anymore. And I had spent the last year and a half growing to like them. Sad.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

That's gold, Jerry, GOLD!!

So, for those of you who participate in such activities as clay pigeon shooting or skeet shooting, has just made targets available for purchase on their web site. Seriously, why does such a thing exist? A true 'NSync Greatest Hits album would consist of a single track with 80 full minutes of silence. And if the other four non-famous members really needed the money, they should just have returned to their previous jobs as fast food workers.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Is that legal?

An entire episode of CSI, no Grissom, no Brass.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

"I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." - Capt. Zapp Brannigan

Saturday, October 8, 2005

A million and one comments

Well, it's been a while since I've done this, so let's get started...

The NHL is back. And I really don't care. It doesn't look like Dallas is going to have much of a chance this year. And since I don't get OLN in Fargo, I won't see a televised hockey game until January. It's almost like hockey is non-existent.

The Who are freakin' awesome. A great classic rock band. I have to delve deeper into that genre of music someday.

I've sure you've all seen the signs (#1 and #2). The apocalypse approaches. Beg for your god(s) forgiveness. The end is coming.

PHP is an amazing language.

Sometimes I wonder why I should ever be on-call at work. No one ever calls me.

I think I've become so bored with the original CSI, I might start watching the Miami spin-off. And yes, that might make me a hypocrite.

For a few days there, I was thinking of taking my blog in a more personal direction and talking more about my day-to-day experiences. Then I realized that I don't do anything.

I'm so glad the baseball season is over. It was one of the most painful ever. Totally sucked. A complete write up in the coming weeks. Or months. Or years. Whatever.
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