Do the right thing.

Vikings fans,

If you want Minnesota to get rid of Chris Kluwe because he is a sub-standard football player, fine.  I think he's a good punter and he did a great job as a holder for rookie kicker Blair Walsh this season.  The Vikes went 10-6 and made the playoffs because every single guy on that team did his job well.

If you want Minnesota to get rid of Chris Kluwe because he is overpaid, fine.  He only made $1.3 million last year, while the minimum NFL salary is $405K for a rookie and $840K for someone with Kluwe's 9 years of experience, and the Vikes have more than five million in cap space for 2013.  I think they can afford him for one more season.

If you want Minnesota to get rid of Chris Kluwe because he has the balls to speak his mind and fight for the LGBTQ to have all the same rights as he does, especially the right to marry, go to hell.  The guy is not some sort of basket case, like Randy Moss was, and the Vikings brought HIM back.  Kluwe's only crime here is that the guy is a decent human being.

And if you're one of those bigots crying foul over NBA center Jason Collins, who just came out of the closet, making him the first openly gay man in the four major North American professional sports, I really hope your god shows you the same love and mercy that you should be showing for all people on this earth.

Zygi Wilf, Rick Spielman, Leslie Frazer, whatever you do, it better be for the right reasons.  Because if you do not do the right thing, you'll lose me as a potential fan.

--Paul

You're all a bunch of Nazi, conformist cheerleaders...

I don't know how all you people can watch college football AND criticize the BCS system. Pick one or the other.

You hypocrites sicken me...

FIX IT!! DO IT!!

BCS: Bullshit "Championship" System. Broken Clusterfuck System. Bowl Catastrophe System. Get the picture?

Nearly everyone I know and listen to agrees. The system we use to determine who plays for the national championship of college football is crap.

And yes, I've complained about this before. There was USC getting snuffed in 2003 after going undefeated, but the Sugar Bowl picked one-loss Oklahoma to play LSU for the title. Playing as the Golden Gophers in Super Play Action Football on my SNES. Agreeing with ESPN's Rick Reilly that the true national champion for the 2008 season should be the University of Utah, last year's only undefeated team after it was all said and done.

"OK, Paul, let's see YOU come up with a better system..." I thought you'd never ask!!

Obvious solution: a playoff. Every other sport, at every other level in the NCAA, uses a playoff and bracket system to deliver two teams to a true national championship game. Do you know who awards the championships for Division I-A football? The Associated Press and the American Football Coaches Association. A news agency and a couple handfuls of college coaches. You know who should be deciding it? The kids on the field busting their asses to win! There is no official NCAA Division I-A champion, but there are for Divisions I-AA, II, and III.

And just think, what an honor it would be to be able to claim to be the FIRST NCAA Champion? You don't think a Michigan or Texas or USC or Florida wouldn't want that? I know I would. That'd be huge!! The recruits you would bring in, the annuls of history you'd be included in, the press, the exposure, the stardom. Who wouldn't want that?

We can still keep the BCS Standings, but let's use them in the same way college basketball uses RPI to seed the bracket. March Madness generates buzz after Selection Sunday about teams that maybe don't deserve to be in and those who should be but aren't. You'd get about the same amount of discussion after the NCAA football tourney is filled out.

"But what about the traditional bowl system? Some of those games have been around for decades! You're not going to throw away all that history, are you?" Of course not. Teams that get knocked out the playoffs can still go to bowl games.

I've got two ways the playoff can be done:

Solution A: Ten teams. Automatic bids given to the six BCS conferences. Four at-large bids based on BCS rankings. Teams seeded 1-6 get first round byes. 7 vs. 10 and 8 vs. 9, winners play the 2 and 1 seeds, respectively. Four rounds, with a bye week between the semifinals and championship game. As teams are knocked out, they receive invites to their traditional bowls. In this situation, your bowls are Rose, Fiesta, Cotton (the next most prestigious bowl after the current BCS 4, IMO), Sugar, and Orange. The championship game rotates between those five.

For 2009, your ten teams in the playoffs would be the top 10 from the BCS standings, seeded as follows (highest to lowest): Alabama, Texas, Cincinnati, TCU, Florida, Boise State, Oregon, Ohio State, Georgia Tech, and Iowa. First round is Oregon against Iowa and Ohio State versus Georgia Tech. Winners of those games face Texas and Alabama, respectively. The other two quarterfinals have Cincinnati/Boise St. and TCU/Florida.

Side note: if the BCS conferences wanted to cheat and only give the first through sixth seeds to their conference champions, Nos. 3-9 would be Oregon, Ohio St., Georgia Tech, TCU, Florida, Boise State. It'd be dirty, but I might be able to live with that.

Solution B: Sixteen teams. Automatic bids are given to ALL 11 Division I-A conference champions. Five at-large bids and overall seeding are again determined by BCS standings. The national champion game is a separate game from the rest of the bowls, but rotates between multiple locations (as is the current practice).

This year, in addition to the top ten teams in the BCS standings making the playoffs (as described above), the 16-team field would include the next top three, Virginia Tech, LSU, and Penn State, in addition to conference champions East Carolina (Conference USA), Central Michigan (MAC), and Troy (Sun Belt). Those three teams would be ranked 14-16, in some order (none were included in the top 25 in the BCS). Again, traditional bowl invites are handed out as teams are eliminated.

In both scenarios, traditional bowls are played during the bye week between the final two rounds. You also give teams from the non-BCS conferences a shot at the championship, which has been a real issue over the last 5 years with the success of teams like Boise State, Utah, TCU, and Hawai'i.

---

I'd also like to propose the additional changes to college football in general:

1. The Big Ten either plays a full conference schedule or split into two divisions. Just like every other BCS conference. Currently, Big Ten teams only play eight intra-conference games a year. Either way, this would eliminate the possibility of a shared conference championship between two teams who'd go undefeated.

Yes, I am aware that the Big Ten has 11 teams, and would therefore have unbalanced divisions (6 and 5). However, the Mid-American Conference has 7 and 6 for their divisions, so it wouldn't be unprecedented. I propose a Big Ten East with Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, Indiana, Purdue, and Penn State and a Big Ten West with Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Illinois, and Northwestern. If you absolutely need a 12th team, try to get Norte Dame and put them out West.

This would also remove another pet peeve of mine caused by Big Ten football. Their football season pretty much ends the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Mostly everyone else is still playing into the first week of December (mostly just conference championship games).

2. Regular season runs from the first Saturday in September until the first Saturday in December. That last week is reserved for conference championships, or for those conferences without divisions, finishing a full conference schedule. That's 14 weeks of games, with 1-2 off weeks for each team. Playoffs start the following weekend and run through the rest of the year. Bowl games for teams that did not make the playoffs begin the same week the second round is played. Bowl games for eliminated teams do not begin until January 1st. The National Championship game is the last game of the season.

3. No bowl games for any team that does not win at least 8 games or is not a conference champion. Sorry Wyoming, Southern Miss., SMU, Marshall, Kentucky, Texas A&M, Georgia, Army/UCLA (one of them would otherwise be in the EagleBank Bowl), Bowling Green, Idaho, Air Force, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Iowa St., Tennessee, Auburn, Florida St., South Florida, Northern Illinois, UConn, South Carolina, Arkansas, and Michigan St. You'd be staying home this year. Since it'd be an uneven 23 teams, an eight-win team would also lose a bowl bid.

That would leave you with 44 eligible teams and 22 bowls. I'd still say that's too many. Cut it down even further. If you get rid off all the eight-win teams this year, you're left with 28 teams for 14 games. I'd be fine with 15-20 bowls. But no more than 20. Ever. Get rid of the newer ones and just keep those that have been around longer.

4. No more cupcakes!! Limit each team to one (1) Division I-AA opponent per season. Sure, App. State's upset of Michigan in the Big House in 2007 was awesome, but that's not happening ever again. This would also help whittle down the number of bowl-eligible teams by making them schedule tougher opponents.

5. I strongly suggest that Notre Dame joins a conference. Sure they can stay independent, but it may help them rebuild their program to be able to win a conference championship and make the playoffs. In my opinion, the Irish have fallen from the top ranks of college football since that 1993 loss to Boston College, one week after beating Florida State in a No. 1 vs. No. 2 matchup. They've only won two of the eleven bowl games they appeared in since then (1994 Cotton and 2008 Hawai'i). They don't have to join a conference, but I'd recommend the Big Ten or Big East.

That pretty much covers everything that I think is wrong with college football. Love it? Hate it? I'd like to hear what you think.

Until then, just turn those bowl games off and watch something else. That'll teach 'em to fix it. Maybe if we act like we don't care, they will fix it...

UN-DEE-FEET-ED!!

Rick is right.

Your true national champions for 2008? The U of U. Thirteen wins. No losses.

Give them the damn trophy already. They earned it.

Seven best football movies EVER!!

In alphabetical order:

• Jerry Maguire
  
• The Longest Yard (original version)
  
• Necessary Roughness
  
• The Program
  
• The Replacements
  
• Varsity Blues
  
• The Waterboy
  

Does that count?

Does this whole Brett Farve drama thing qualify as a Madden curse victim?

Why I don't care anymore

Usually when I'm helping a customer at work for a prolonged period of time, they'll pop the following question on me:

"Where did you go to school at?"

And I answer. Which leads to a long-winded explanation about how I dislike my alma mater, North Dakota State University.

Two things led me to choosing to go there nearly 10 years ago:
1. Being a North Dakota resident, I got in-state tuition. Not that it was much of a discount. Maybe a couple hundred per semester.
2. This was the clincher. The Bison. My mom also went to NDSU, so I took this side in the near-daily debates in junior high about which team was better, the Bison or the Sioux (in-state rival University of North Dakota).

Unfortunately, after I gradumatated, they made many changes that I disagreed with. The forced resignation of the head of the Computer Science department and subsequent installation of a puppet leader. Turning Churchill Field into a parking lot for heavy machinery while the Memorial Union was expanded. The reorganization of ITS (which lead to the termination of a good acquaintence of mine). Announcing an addition to the Wellness Center 10 minutes after it opened. It just isn't the same school that I was excited to start at in the fall of 1999. Maybe growing up took a little shine off the apple. I could concede that.

The killer though? NDSU deciding to move to Division I athletics.

What the hell were they thinking? Did they have such a hard-on for the increased revenues that they just had to pop that cherry as soon as humanly possible?

I think the Sports Guy, Bill Simmons, proved my point with his October 11th mailbag. He had gotten an e-mail from a friend, describing what a Colorado/Arizona NLCS meant. I quote, "I'm convinced that sports is all about history. If there's history, it's interesting. If not, who cares?"

This is EXACTLY why I don't care any more.

In 1999, the North Central Conference consisted of Northern Colorado, Nebraska-Omaha, South Dakota, South Dakota State, St. Cloud State, Minnesota State Mankato, Augustana, Morningside, North Dakota State, and North Dakota. A very strong conference, capable of generating two to three teams every year to seriously compete for the Division II Football Championship. And no school in that conference had generated more D-II football champions (8) than the Bison. Every year, there were three things you wanted to see as a Bison fan: undefeated season, national championship, and a win against the Sioux.

Heck, even a 1-10 season could have been considered a partial success if that one and only win would have been against UND. As I am fond of saying, "Without villians, there'd be no heroes." NDSU moving to Division I meant that there would be no more Bison/Sioux matchups for the Nickel Trophy (mostly because UND pussed out, but NDSU could have stayed D-II). After more than 100 contests, both regular season and playoffs, there'd be nothing to look forward to every fall (since NDSU could not qualify for the I-AA playoffs due to reclassification).

And North Dakota State at Minnesota IS NOT an acceptable substitute. Why? Again, the history. This week's matchup in the Twin Cities is only the second ever meeting between these two teams. The only people who truly care about the outcome of this game (that won't actually be playing it) are the gomers in North Dakota who are looking for a big upset and the national spotlight. Not going to happen. The Gophers are not on par with the Wolverines. Not now, maybe not ever. ESPN will not sit up and take notice if the Bison knock off the Gophers in the Metrodome.

And it's just not football either. The women's basketball team, which would draw more fans per night then the men's team, was a national D2 powerhouse. 5 titles in 6 years in the early-to-mid 90's. Now? You really think they have a chance against Tennessee? Connecticut? I thought so.

Other teams were on the rise too. The men's basketball was just getting their act together. Now they just have to settle for a lifetime of upsets over teams like Wisconsin and Marquette. Track and field was always strong. I think there are a few individual national champions in there. Women's soccer and men's baseball were also starting to gather steam. Now none of them will ever bring home gold.

The last real tie I had with the school was the NDSU Hockey Club. There had always been talk of starting a hockey program at NDSU. I always thought it could work. They wanted to top-down the effort. A vote to build a stadium for a team that didn't exist. Then someone realized it would have to be bottom-up effort. Start with a competitive club team. Play other club teams. Gradually build up the interest. Problem is, for some reason, people in Fargo don't care about hockey players over the age of 14 (and in some cases, 18). There's a reason one Junior team has left and another one might be on the way out. Title IX didn't help either. Appearently, you have to add both a mens team and womens team, or neither.

Unfortunately, after a couple of seasons, someone dropped the ball. I don't know what happened last year, but no one called me to help out. No one updated the web site. If you don't care, then we don't care.

So, what now? Nothing. It's over. We're through. I just don't care anymore.

Rock and a hard place

Hypothetical situation...

You're the No. 3 Division I-A Football team in the nation (sorry, I will never accept the new NCAA Football Bowl and Championship Subdivision monikers). You went 11-0 and won your conference championship. The No. 1 and 2 teams also went 11-0 and won their conferences as well. It's bowl season. Here are your options:

-- Accept the traditional bowl invitation and play the No. 2 team.
-- Accept the invitation to another equally prestigious bowl to play the No. 1 team.

You can't play both. And either way, the highest you'd move is No. 2. What the hell do you do?

Freakin' NCAA.

More assorted Super Bowl comments

Halftime show observations:

• What was with that weird violin-looking bass Paul was playing?
  
• OK, who did what exactly in The Beatles? I know Ringo played drums. Paul and John wrote the songs. But what instruments did they and George play?
  
• Does McCartney need to pay royalties to Sony when he plays one of the songs he wrote? What about those he co-wrote with Lennon? Or those written by just Lennon, but recorded and performed by the Beatles?
  
• I always enjoy it when McCartney plays "Hey Jude" live.

Note to Fox: The O.C. did not redefine a generation. Not even close. Don't be making such blatantly outrageous claims about your shows. They're not that good. They borderline suck. And stop overpromoting them. I hate you so much.

I feel sorry for the guy who does the voiceovers for the Fox promoes. Poor, sad bastard.

New England is driving. If they score on this drive, I think it's over.

Cocky Patriots. Doing the "Flying Eagle" dance when they score. This isn't something you expect from such a "modest" team. Now, I kinda really dislike them. It's quite annoying. I'd be downright furious if I was an Eagles fans. If you are, you should be.

Our soldiers don't get enough respect. So many people are anti-military, that they fail to realize that real, flesh and blood human beings, just like themselves, are willing to risk their lives to protect theirs. People die so you can live to bitch about it. So wrong.

Yup, the Eagles try to hit a home run and whiff. The deep McNabb to Pinkston pass was incomplete on 3rd down. Philly had to punt. This game is nearly over. It would be if the 45-yard punt return wasn't called back due to a holding penalty.

Oops. Holding a knife and the cat covered in red sauce. That can't look good. If I was that guy, I'd pray to God that my S.O. believed me.

More monkeys. I like monkeys. Everyone likes monkeys. And if you don't like monkeys, you have no soul.

Oh, if Philly could have gotten to that jump ball and picked it off, they'd be back in it.

When I see a disaster movie, I always wonder how the survivors clean up after facing certain death and overcoming such adversity. And I'm talking those movies where millions die. Like Independence Day.

OK, if Philly goes 76 yards for the touchdown on this drive and stops the Patriots on the next drive, they're back in it.

So, if Freddie Mitchell doesn't catch a ball today, but the Eagles win the Super Bowl, will he be justified in shooting his mouth off? Sure, he did nothing to contribute to the win, but he'll be going to the victory parade and getting a ring. You really can't be feeling too bad about that.

Another Philadelphia first down. They're getting back in this one...

I've always been a fan of using many short passes instead of trying to go big on every single play. Short passes are easier to complete. Short passes use more time on the clock. Short passes allow you to get out of bounds. Even if I sent everyone downfield, I'd be tempted to keep one guy close for an easy dump off in case no one is open downfield.

Touchdown Brian Westbrook!! It's all tied up. Philadelphia is back in this one.

Lockable in-bed trunk on a truck. Genius. Why didn't I think of that?

Mini-celebrities are silly. Especially Shaq and Deion. And no, I don't think it's too much bling.

Is it just me, or does Tom Brady kinda look like Matt Damon? Definitely if they were both wearing football helmets.

New England driving; momentum going back their way...

End of 3. Still tied. Usually it'd be anyone's game, but I think momentum is on New England's favor. They're in a much better position to win this game.

The next 16 yards decide this game.

New England got in the end zone. I think this game is over. Philly has to come straight back and score one to get back in it.

Interesting effect in the Toyota commercial. But not very impressive.

Not as good of a kickoff return for the Eagles this time. Not a good start.

Westbrook stopped for a big loss on the ground. Three and out. A Pats FG clinches it. Philly has to make a big play. Take the ball away. Something.

Budweiser Select, eh? I'll give it a try.

Eagles stop on first down. Looked like more than a 3 yard loss. 19-yard pass to Deion Branch. Penalty on Philly for roughing the passer. Dillon runs inside the 10. The Eagles defense is looking tired. Dillon runs for a first down. New England inside the 5. Fullback stopped at the line of scrimmage. Timeout as Jevon Kearse is on the ground with a leg cramp.

Monkeys again!! And they're kissing the asses of other monkeys!

Back to the game, Brady's pass knocked down. Dillon stopped at the line of scrimmage. Vinateri will come out for a field goal. A decent stop, but I still don't think the Eagles can come back from this. Ten points with less than nine minutes to go.

I hate the Stupid Spoiled Whore Twins. Paris got what see deserved in that South Park episode. It's time for people to see the truth about the World's Dumbest Slut.

My MVP prediction: Deion Branch.

I was in the bathroom during the big pass to T.O.

Well, it doesn't matter now. Donovan threw another pick. Game over.

Philly driving after forcing N.E. to punt. But they're going to have to hurry if they want to get back in this one. And you can't expect T.O. to be open deep on every play.

Hey, Freddie, nice of you to show up!

Anyone ever recover an onside kick in the Super Bowl? Cuz that's what it's going to take for Philadelphia to win.

Why is P. Diddy driving through the desert to an award show, while wearing a tux?

"American Dad" would seem funnier if Patrick Warburton did the voice for the main character.

Touchdown Philly with 1:48 to go. They needed that if they wanted even a sliver of a chance to win this game. But it's too little, too late. Sad.

A TD gives the people who bet on the Over a win.

Onsides kick unsuccessful.

Washington has won 3 Super Bowls? I thought that only had 2. One against Denver and one against Buffalo. Oh, maybe one against Oakland, when Doug Williams was their QB. OK, 3 sounds right. My mistake.

Philly stops the Pats. They'll get the ball back one more time.

96 yards and 46 seconds stand between Philly and any chance of winning. Where's John Elway or Joe Montana when you need them?

Another interception by New England. They've won another Super Bowl. Good for them. I hope it's their last in a long time.

That's it. Time to leave the stadium.

Assorted Super Bowl comments

The new XXX movie. With Ice Cube? Upgrade!

You know, this is what Bill Simmons was talking about. The game decided by a bad coin flip. You don't want to blame the kid, cuz then you feel like such a bastard. But you'd think they'd find a kid who could (or could be taught to) flip a coin.

Nice return on the opening kickoff.

The Bud Light commerical where they're going skydiving, and the dude throws the Bud Light out the plane to get the guy to jump, but the pilot is the one who goes after it. Hilarious. I laughed out loud for 5 minutes. The Anheiser-Busch company can always produce a great ad. They're untouchable.

Good call overturning McNabb's fumble.

P. Diddy showing up to a big award show in a Diet Pepsi truck. Then it becoming the new big trend. Not surprising if that actually happened. And Carson Daly is such a massive tool, that he'd would do it and try to impress P. Diddy. Can't we put him to death yet? Damn.

Vin Diesel in a Disney movie. Now he's officially old news.

Four punts so far. Defensive battle, indeed.

Wow, big play by T.O. and a Patriots penalty on the same play. I think they'll score first. Definitely enough for short field goal range.

Geez, another New England penalty. And they would have taken the ball away. Stupid penalties cost you games.

Rob Scheinder as the "You can do it!" guy in yet another Adam Sandler movie. I don't even think you can call him an actor anymore. Leaving SNL can kill so many careers.

That poor bastard in the Ameriquest commercial. Maced, hit with a bat, then tasered. Ouch. And yet another reason I think cell phone use is out of control. More on that some other time.

You know, a day will come when Super Bowl tickets are so expensive, that you have to wonder if the price includes round-trip airfare.

Another Philly turnover. That can't be good.

Scoreless after one quarter. Hope you didn't take the over (which is 48 for this game, a little high, IMO, but I don't know much about gambling on football, except "always bet against the Vikings"). :)

Funny, I thought a good show like "CSI" was America's #1 show, not some piece of crap like "American Idol". Sorry, I had to take my shot at that one.

P = The Eagles are a passing team. P = True.

Two great catches by Todd Pinkston. Amazing. I go with my original statement. Philly will score first.

And yes, Brian Westbook is a key factor in this game. Playing well so far.

The New England helmets are shiny.

Top 5 Philly guys I'd like to see score a TD: McNabb, Westbrook, Pinkston, T.O., and that construction worker guy.

I wrote that sentence during the play that the Eagles scored their first touchdown.

The running animals. I saw "Budweiser commercial" coming a mile away. Clever, but not particularly funny.

So that's were MC Hammer was...

Apple and Pepsi are giving away 200 million iTunes?!

I always chuckle when I see a guy on the sidelines at a football game sucking down oxygen with a gas mask.

Wait a minute... How the hell did those kids know who MC Hammer was? I think his 15 minutes ended about the same time those kids were born.

The officials are doing a good job with the challenges. And so are the coaches. This instant replay system is excellent.

Good run by Corey Dillon. Good running backs are supposed to make those cuts. That's what they're paid for.

Hee hee. Monkeys. But it's true. We do feel that way some times. That we have to do everything at work. Like we're the only competent employee at our places of employment. But my dad will tell you, he always feels that way, because it's true. He does work with a bunch of idiots (in his opinion, and he's always right... **BARF!**).

Constant thought during the first half: can't wait to see Paul McCartney's old man-boobs. Ha ha ha.

Speaking of boobs, Justin Faggotass should have gotten more flak for that stunt last year. And Janet Jackson less.

Two minute warning.

Another Batman movie. Why? And was that Katie Holmes? I hope she found her boobs. Cuz they've been M.I.A. for a few months.

I don't want to see Dennis Rodman take a bath. That's just wrong on so many levels.

David Givens, that was such a bad idea. Making fun of T.O. after scoring a touchdown. Well, since you no longer have any use for that head of yours (since it does not contain a brain), you won't mind when some Eagles player rips it off.

Another good kickoff return by the Eagles. But penalty. Suck. Anywho, don't be surprised by if they take one back for a TD in this game.

Yup, pretty even game so far. As expected. Halftime!!

To be continued...

These should be "In the game"

Top Ten Easter Eggs/Features Needed To Be Added To EA Sports Series Games:

1. (NHL Series) The Mighty Ducks. Charlie Conway and the whole bunch. Use their current vital stats (height, weight, age, etc.). Give them a few jerseys (Original District 5, Green Ducks, Anaheim home and away, USA). Put them on the ice. Three problems, however. One: only 19 kids between the 3 movies, not enough for a full roster of 20. Two: Greg Goldburg. Do you add him twice? Definitely add him as a goalie. But he got moved to Defenseman in the 3rd movie. Three: Fulton Reed. Elden Henson is a big guy now. And blond.

2. (MVP Baseball Series) Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn. Pedro Cerrano. Jake Taylor. Willie "Mays" Hays. Roger Dorn. Rube Baker. I could go on and on. Add some of the screwballs from the Major League movies. However, you have to choose where to draw the line. I don't think the purists would like the Buzz players or Carlos Liston. Oh, and you HAVE to put Harry Doyle/Bob Uecker in the broadcast booth!!

3. (MVP Baseball Series) The Sandlot kids. Along the same lines as the Mighty Ducks.

4. (NHL Series) The Hanson Brothers from Slap Shot. Anyone familiar with the series knows about the "EA Blades" uniforms for the custom teams in the games from the late 90's and early 00's. I wonder where they got the color scheme and logo from... If you're going to blanatly rip someone off, go all the way or don't bother.

5. (All Series) Classic and All-Time Teams. Early Madden games were great about this. You could unlock as use the '75 Pittsburgh Steelers or '85 Chicago Bears. And the arcade version of RBI Baseball used all-tme greats to make up their teams. Put Terrell Owens, Jerry Rice, and Dwight Clark in Joe Montana's receiving corps, and watch the points pile up.

6. (All Series) More uniforms!! Yes, even those hideous powder blue uniforms MLB teams wore on the road in the late 70's to early 90's. Side note: I don't actually think they're that bad, I just like making fun of them.

7. (All Series) Limits on points you can use to create custom players. It's too tempting to make a team full of 100's. But still make unlimited points an unlockable feature. I always have to be the best player on the team. :)

8. (All Series) Pre-loaded classic players. I want a REALISTIC Kirby Puckett roaming the outfield at the Metrodome. Just type in a player's name when creating him, and if that player exists, auto load and set his ability levels.

9. (All Series) More control creating uniforms for custom teams. I hate borrowing from Pittsburgh and Boston when creating my "The Cheats" hockey uniforms. Give us the basic shapes from the existing teams and some additional ones, and let us set the colors. And more logo choices. Give us some fonts, single letters, shapes of the sports equipment, and let us go nuts.

10. (All Series) More control over the music. The NHL Dittie Importer is nice, but I want more control over WHEN the music is played. Like NHL 2002, I can't set the songs for the game introduction sequence.

Honorable Mention: Put game soundtracks out!! I so wanted to buy the MVP Baseball 2003 soundtrack instead of hunting for the individual songs on the iTunes Music Store.

I was driving in Fargo on Saturday afternoon, when I came to a stoplight, and some guy with a Harley pulled up beside me. I had my window down, so I told him that I liked it. And I meant it. I'm not a motorcycle guy, but I was really impressed by that shiny bike. If I ever got a motorcycle, I'd want one just like that.

Girls can pull off the whole Goth thing a whole lot better than guys can.

Dr. Angus is dumb. What with his fake quasi-German accent? And having a helicopter? Honestly, those commercials are so bad, I'm almost ashamed to say that I like Burger King.

How does a nerdy accountant type like John Clayton become a top football analyst for ESPN, the #1 sports network in the world? He looks like a guy who should be doing your taxes or sitting in front of a computer. He looks like an atypical football fan. I just don't get it.

I just realized something the other day. Star Trek, or any of its spinoffs, never did a clip show. How weird is that? Every mildly successful TV show does at least one during its run. Heck, "Clerks" (the animated series) did one as its SECOND episode. And clip shows are not tough to do. They require a lot less writing. Just some weak story to tie the clips together.

I've been able to coax a few of my friends into playing in a fantasy football league. It'll give me an excuse to get into football, which I really haven't been able to do since the Broncos won their two Super Bowls and Elway retired.

The Paul Fritz Invitational (insert sport here) Tournament

When I get rich, I'd like to host 6 celebrity sports tournaments a year. I'd have hockey in January, basketball in March, softball in May, golf in July, soccer in September, and flag football in November. Each would consist of 8 teams. With the obvious exception of golf, the teams would be split into 2 pools of 4, then seeded for a single elimination bracket to determine the winner.

The whole thing would be for charity. Every player and team would be playing for the cause of their choice. Each member of the winning team would get $5,000. Each captain would get $10,000. The winning team gets $25,000. Every participant gets $2,000, and every team gets $10,000. For the golf tournament, the overall individual winner would get $10,000.

Teams would consist of musicians, actors, former pro athletes, my friends, and me. No pro athlete can play in the tournament that he/she went pro in (example: Tom Glavine and Cal Ripken Jr. could play in the hockey and soccer tournaments respectively, but neither could play in the softball tournament).

Teams sizes are as follows: 11 for hockey (2 lines, 2 defensive pairings, 1 goalie), 8 for basketball (5v5, 3 bench players), 11 for softball (10 starters plus an extra), 4-man golf teams, 8 for soccer (1 goalie, and 7 players to be arranged in any manner desired by the captain), and 8 for football (7v7 and 1 extra). Players would be split into teams based on their individual ability. The idea is that every team has an equal chance as possible to win.

For each tournament, 2 areas of play would be needed. Again, golf is the exception, where half the teams would start at the 1st hole and the other half at the 10th. Of course, all tournaments would be held in Fargo.

After a winner has been crowned, festivities would commence. These would include a music concert, several video game stations (most likely with the same sport as the tournament), an awards ceremony.

It's not "D12 with Eminem" or "D12 featuring Eminem". It's just plain "D12". He's a founding member. He never left his band. Yes, his solo career took off, but he's still one of the six guys in the group. Got it? Good.

In theaters on July, it's the latest piece of garbage from M. Night Whatshisname. How is this man allowed to continue writing and directing movies? And who are these people who think that his movies are good? I saw "The Sixth Sense." Absolutely horrible. What a waste.

If you like sports, you should really check out Bill Simmons' columns in ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com's Page 2. He knows what he's talking about. The best parts are his ramblings and his mailbag. It's almost like we share a brain (and he uses better and more often than I do).

I can't wait to see Eli Manning crash and burn. What an asshole. Yes, I know the draft was like 6 weeks ago. No, this is nothing like John Elway. Yes, he also wanted to be traded from the team that drafted him, but he had a fallback occupation. If the Colts never gave him his trade, he could have just went to play baseball for the New York Yankees. Thank god that never happened.

OK, here's that ultimate Star Trek crew I promised a long time ago. Rules are as follows: 10 crew members, no one is dead, ranks are as of the character's last appearance in any episode or movie, and no "Enterprise" since that show sucks and fubars the entire Star Trek Universe.

-- Admiral Janeway. By adding an admiral, I can keep this former captain.
-- Captain Picard. Toss up here. I take Picard in peacetime, but like Sisko in wartime.
-- First Officer Cmdr. Riker. He beats out Chakotay as my favorite XO.
-- Chief Medical Officer Voyager's EMH-1 Holographic Doctor. He's the most quirky. And he's got attitude. Bashir comes in at a close 2nd.
-- Chief Engineer Lt. Cmdr. LaForge. I trust no one else with a ship's engines.
-- Conn Officer Lt. (JG) Paris. Best pilot in Starfleet.
-- Chief of Security Lt. Cmdr. Worf. It's a good day to die.
-- Science Officer Lt. Cmdr. Jadzia Dax.
-- Operations Officer Lt. Cmdr. Data. By including separate Science and Operations Officers, I get both Jadzia and Data. IOW: I cheated! :P
-- Astrometrics Officer Seven of Nine. Have you seen what she looks like?

Honorable Mentions: Neelix, Tuvok, McCoy (aka Bones), Quark, Kim.

I'm such a dork. Hee hee.

You know, being the President, CEO, Project Manager, Senior Programmer, and only employee of your own software company is tough. I got so many ideas, but just a single man to hack out the code to make them work. If only I had some capital to hire people smarter than me. I will have my minions someday.

I want to consume a large quantity of food coloring for the sole purpose of turning my bodily waste an unusual color. I'm sure you don't need, or want, any details. I have to figure out how much I have to drink to see the effects, and whether or not that much straight food coloring is healthy for me.

I need to move to a country without "reality" television shows. I hate them so much. And they keep getting worse. Among the new ones, are the "Reverse American Idol" (I don't know what it's really called, but I don't give a F***!!) and "The Baby Game" (ditto). The former is just like regular "American Idol", but this time they're looking for the next William Hung!! The latter forces 5 married couples to compete for the chance to adopt a teenage mother's infant child. All of it, so very wrong.

Some kid at the University of Massachusetts tore into Pat Tillman, the NFLer turned soldier who recently died in combat in Afghanistan. What an asshole. One, speak well of the dead, especially when he died to protect your right to talk shit about him. Two, what have you done for America lately? Tillman sacrificed more than anyone could have asked for, turning down millions of dollars, playing in the NFL, and putting his life on the line. All for what he thought was right. You insult him, you insult the millions of Americans who's died for this great nation. Excellent quote from University president Jack Wilson about the kid's op-ed piece: "disgusting, arrogant and intellectually immature."

The kid later removed his head from the inside of his body cavity and apologized. He's still a dumbass punk who needs a swift kick in the rear.

I had an OS test on Tuesday. I thought I was ready for it. I was so wrong. I felt I was prepared for the test, but I forgot that this was a Dr. Juell test. You can never be prepared for those. I tried to BS my way through it, hoping to at least get 50 points and keep a C in the class. After I turned it in, he offered me a chance to retake the entire test open book. It would cost me 10 points. I spent a few minutes debating it. Wondering if there were any other strings attached. I retook the test. And I felt much better the second time around. I got them both back today. 78 the first time. 86 the second time. Guess I didn't do as bad as I thought.

I rather enjoy the discussion part of Juell's OS class. My class talks about the problems plaguing modern operating systems (mainly Microsoft) and how the things we learn in lecture apply to solving those problems. It's the lectures themselves that aren't so fun. They're kinda boring, mainly since he talks, and we don't. It's a good thing we discuss first, so we can eat up the first half hour or so. :)

OK, those remaining Weezer lyrics. From "Maladroit"...

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-- "For the times that you wanna go and/Bust rhymes real slow/I'll appear/slap you on the face and/Enjoy the show" - Dope Nose
-- "Dead on my head/Wasting time on my own/Sleep rescue me/Take me back to my home" - Dope Nose
-- Keep Fishin' (another gem from the pen of Rivers Cuomo) - quite possibly my favorite Weezer song of all, thanks to the awesome video featuring the Muppets

OK, I was only able to deliver 15. Maybe someday, I'll finish the list.

It's bedtime for beautiful people like me. I got a presentation to half-ass in the morning. Later.