Why does God do such things to us?

Let's review happened with last year's BCS fiasco...

The University of Southern California Trojans defeat the Michigan Wolverines 28-14 in the Rose Bowl. In one of the fiercest rivalries in college football, Michigan beats the Ohio State University Buckeyes 35-21. In the Fiesta Bowl, Ohio State takes out the Big 12 Champion Kansas State Wildcats 35-28. Despite being routed in the Big 12 Championship Game by the Wildcats 35-7, the University of Oklahoma Sooners go to the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans for the National Championship game. The Louisiana State University Tigers beats Oklahoma 21-14.

If Oklahoma had won the Sugar Bowl, it would have set up the following...

USC > Michigan > OSU > KSU > Oklahoma > LSU

...with the greater than symbol ">" showing the winner of the respective matchup (i.e. USC beat Michigan, so USC > Michigan).

USC should have went to the Sugar Bowl and played LSU, instead of Oklahoma.

This is one of the many reasons college football needs a playoff system.

2 burning questions

The answers to 2 burning questions:

Does Heather Locklear have any kids? Yes, one with her current husband, Bon Jovi member Richie Sambora. (Source: IMDB)

When was the last time Scott Baio acted in anything? He's in the movie "Cursed" where "A werewolf loose in Los Angeles changes the lives of three young adults, who, after being mauled by the beast, learn they must kill their attacker if they hope to change their fate." Baio plays himself. How the mighty have fallen... (Source: IMDB)

The "Orange County" (The Movie) TV Show

Why wasn't the 2002 movie "Orange County" turned into a TV show? It has a great cast and a hilarious assortment of characters. Colin Hanks and Jack Black in a 30 minute sitcom about their misadventures in California. The movie is such a diamond in the rough. You polish that thing off... Just the thought of that show is much better than some melodrama about a bunch of whiny, pining teens.

Also, watching bits of that movie this evening makes me think: Wow, Hanks' character reminds me a lot of my buddy Travis.

If I were a rich man

Things to do with my Linux box (when I have it):
-- Web server. Apache. Get away from POS Geocities.
-- Database. MySQL and PHPMyAdmin. Store records on my baseball cards and music. Tie it into my web site.
-- File server. Mostly for backup purposes.
-- Jukebox. Although with the iTunes I got, a Mac would probably be an easier option. (Side note: Mac OS X runs on top of BSD, a *nix offshoot. I don't know what I'm talking about in that last sentence, but yet I do. One of those things I can't explain, but it still makes some sense to me.)
-- PVR. I ain't paying for no TiVo subscription.
-- MAME cabinet. Would be easier to do with Windows. But Linux would save me from using a precious CD-Key.
-- Development. I'd waste all of the extra cycles running thousands of pointless simulations of my Java programs. Why? Because I can.
-- Install, install, INSTALL!! Just keep reformatting, compiling, and building different Distros. Find one I like. Recommend it.

Today is November. The 3 year mark on my current PC is August 2005. That's 9 months. I'll be in the Twin Cities in early June. So that would be a convenient time for me to go to General Nanosystems, where I got my current PC. Get one for me. Install Win XP on it. Reformat my current machine and put Linux on it. Get one for my dad. Get back my Dell P3-450. Use it as a beta machine while I build a MAME cabinet. Buy a new laptop. Keep the cheap, old one I got in the Phoenix surplus auction. Buy a Power Mac G5. Then find a way to get a hold of my sister's Compaq. That would give me 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7! Seven computers <Insert the Count's laugh here>! Hmm. I don't think that will be enough. Oh, and wireless cards for most. A few 17" monitors (including 1 LCD). Keyboards and mice. Laser printer. Digital camera. iPod.

Hmmm... Can you loan me 10 G's?

These should be "In the game"

Top Ten Easter Eggs/Features Needed To Be Added To EA Sports Series Games:

1. (NHL Series) The Mighty Ducks. Charlie Conway and the whole bunch. Use their current vital stats (height, weight, age, etc.). Give them a few jerseys (Original District 5, Green Ducks, Anaheim home and away, USA). Put them on the ice. Three problems, however. One: only 19 kids between the 3 movies, not enough for a full roster of 20. Two: Greg Goldburg. Do you add him twice? Definitely add him as a goalie. But he got moved to Defenseman in the 3rd movie. Three: Fulton Reed. Elden Henson is a big guy now. And blond.

2. (MVP Baseball Series) Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn. Pedro Cerrano. Jake Taylor. Willie "Mays" Hays. Roger Dorn. Rube Baker. I could go on and on. Add some of the screwballs from the Major League movies. However, you have to choose where to draw the line. I don't think the purists would like the Buzz players or Carlos Liston. Oh, and you HAVE to put Harry Doyle/Bob Uecker in the broadcast booth!!

3. (MVP Baseball Series) The Sandlot kids. Along the same lines as the Mighty Ducks.

4. (NHL Series) The Hanson Brothers from Slap Shot. Anyone familiar with the series knows about the "EA Blades" uniforms for the custom teams in the games from the late 90's and early 00's. I wonder where they got the color scheme and logo from... If you're going to blanatly rip someone off, go all the way or don't bother.

5. (All Series) Classic and All-Time Teams. Early Madden games were great about this. You could unlock as use the '75 Pittsburgh Steelers or '85 Chicago Bears. And the arcade version of RBI Baseball used all-tme greats to make up their teams. Put Terrell Owens, Jerry Rice, and Dwight Clark in Joe Montana's receiving corps, and watch the points pile up.

6. (All Series) More uniforms!! Yes, even those hideous powder blue uniforms MLB teams wore on the road in the late 70's to early 90's. Side note: I don't actually think they're that bad, I just like making fun of them.

7. (All Series) Limits on points you can use to create custom players. It's too tempting to make a team full of 100's. But still make unlimited points an unlockable feature. I always have to be the best player on the team. :)

8. (All Series) Pre-loaded classic players. I want a REALISTIC Kirby Puckett roaming the outfield at the Metrodome. Just type in a player's name when creating him, and if that player exists, auto load and set his ability levels.

9. (All Series) More control creating uniforms for custom teams. I hate borrowing from Pittsburgh and Boston when creating my "The Cheats" hockey uniforms. Give us the basic shapes from the existing teams and some additional ones, and let us set the colors. And more logo choices. Give us some fonts, single letters, shapes of the sports equipment, and let us go nuts.

10. (All Series) More control over the music. The NHL Dittie Importer is nice, but I want more control over WHEN the music is played. Like NHL 2002, I can't set the songs for the game introduction sequence.

Honorable Mention: Put game soundtracks out!! I so wanted to buy the MVP Baseball 2003 soundtrack instead of hunting for the individual songs on the iTunes Music Store.

OK, here's the thing about cable TV. 500 channels and nothing to watch. Why? Specialization of labor. What's on your regular networks (ABC, CBS, NBC, and FOX)? Everything. Sitcoms, dramas, movies, news, sports, late night and daytime talks shows, syndicated reruns. Cable stations specialize. ESPN does sports. Fox News and CNN do news. Cartoon Network and Comedy Central are self-explanitory. And it's not just content, it audience too. MTV aims for young Gen X'ers and Gen Y'ers. VH1 goes for older Gen X'ers. Nickelodeon is for kids. Spike TV is for guys, while Lifetime is for women. Most stations maybe have a half hour of programming you may be interested in PER WEEK, This is why there's nothing to watch!! Out of the 500 stations, you'll only watch a handful on a regular basis, and they're not always going to be showing the stuff you want to watch.

So, Dennis Farina replaced Jerry Orbach on "Law & Order". Upgrade!! I liked Orbach on that show, but Farina comes off as a scarier hardass. Orbach doesn't intimidate me, Farino would.

I bet Macaulay is jealous that his brother Kieran is having a more successful (or at least normal) acting career than he is.

OK, so "Seed of Chucky" makes 5, right? Only horror movies can get away with making so many sequels...

You have to be amazed by how the writers and creators of "Stargate SG-1" have used ancient mythology to establish alien civilizations. Gou'alds as Egyptian deities. Thor and the Asgard taking on the roles of the Norse Gods. However, it is too bad that they don't use figures from religions in active practice. Guess they don't want to go around offending people.

Speaking of "Stargate", when did Teal'c become such a smooth pimp? Must be the hair...

Someone should really do a cover of the Modern English tune, "I Melt With You". Preserve most of the same elements: drum beat, bass line, the humming. Add a stronger electric guitar. Tweak the synthesizer. I'm telling you, it would be excellent.

You know, you go over the things you want to say in you head, and they sound great. Then you start saying them out loud, and they seem so pathetic.

Hey, don't get upset with me. You're the one reading this crap...

Life's greatest questions?

Is it just me, or does Katie Holmes not have boobs anymore?

Do you think the studio audience at "Jeopardy!" tapings try to answer the questions, just like you or I would when watching it on TV? If so, can the contestants hear them? Or does the audience have to sit there and be quiet? Would security have to escort them out if they did answer questions out loud?

OK, you know how on "Iron Chef", they have Japanese celebrities on as judges and guest commentators? Are these A-list or B-list celebrities in Japan? Is there any way to know? I'm kinda leaning towards B-list. I'm just saying, 'cuz on Iron Chef America, they had that guy who played Gunthar on "Friends", and he's definitely B-list.

You're supposed to keep coffee in the refrigerator? Says who? Since when?

And that can't be the right way to spell "refrigerator"...

Wait a minute, Michelin is a FRENCH company?

OK, who's a member of the Brat Pack? How many are there? Are there certain qualifications? Clarification on this would be great.

Lastly, if you've got something in the oven, wouldn't make more sense to use the oven timer instead of the one on the microwave?

Did Kevin Smith sell out after "Jersey Girl" or "The Passion of the Clerks"?

Three comments on Kevin Smith's decision to make "The Passion of the Clerks" (AKA "Clerks 2")...

1. I think this makes him more of a sellout that "Jersey Girl" did. Although I really doubt he's in it for the money.

2. Would Shannon Elizabeth appear? As her Justice character? Or will she and Jay have parted ways by then?

3. Plot continuity error: In "Dogma", Jay and Silent Bob collect money to buy bus tickets from New Jersey to Illinois. In "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back", they attempt to board a bus from New Jersey to Los Angeles, only to "discover" that they have to pay for tickets (incorrectly assuming they can ride it for free, like the school bus).

The force is with me

An assortment of comments, now that I have watched the new "Star Wars" Trilogy DVD Box Set...

1. That CGI Jabba that appears at the Mos Eisley Space Port? Utter crap. It looked so bad. The puppet would have better.

1a. Is it just me, or was that scene unnecessary? Han says the same stuff he told Greedo. Word for word.

2. First time I watched "The Empire Strikes Back" start to finish.

2a. Now I know how the gang got from Point A (Cloud City) to Point B (Tatooine).

3. Placing Hadyen Christensan with the Jedi Masters in the final scene of "Return of the Jedi". Why? There was nothing wrong with that scene. No reason to place him in there. Besides, the "real" Anakin was much more believable. That's who I expect him to look like if he never became Darth Vader. Not the boy he once was. The man he would have been.

4. How long is the time period of the trilogy from start to finish? From the kidnapping of Leia to the final battle over Endor and subsequent celebration. Weeks doesn't seem long enough. Years too long. I like months. But how many? Does this bother anyone else?

5. The Galactic Empire DID NOT use contractors to build the Death Star. Certainly not the second one. They built it themselves. I refer to this exchange between Moff Jerjerrod and Darth Vader:

Moff Jerjerrod: Lord Vader, this is an unexpected pleasure. We are honored by your presence...
Darth Vader: You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I'm here to put you back on schedule.
Moff Jerjerrod: I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can.
Darth Vader: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.
Moff Jerjerrod: I tell you, this station will be operational as planned.
Darth Vader: The Emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.
Moff Jerjerrod: But, he asks the impossible. I need more men.
Darth Vader: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives.
Moff Jerjerrod: The Emperor's coming here?
Darth Vader: That is correct, Commander. And, he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.
Moff Jerjerrod: We shall double our efforts.
Darth Vader: I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.

This strongly suggests that the Empire is not using an outside source to construct the massive space station. They MAY have contracted people to build seperate components, and some of those people MAY have been on the Death Star when it was destroyed, but their numbers were maybe one to two hundred, and not thousands.

6. OK, let's assume that C-3PO is gay. Why would Anakin Skywalker build a gay robot? What advantage does a gay robot have over a straight one? And at 9, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, did he even know what homosexuality is?

They should really make the "Beverly Hills Cop" movie trilogy into a video game. Especially in a Grand Theft Auto style of play with a Spider-Man 2-esque option of following a linear story or solving random crimes. You've got a great array of characters to choose from. Your main choices would be Det. Foley, Sgt. Rosewood, and Sgt. Taggard. Then there is Lt. Bogomil, Inspector Todd, and Jeffery (Paul Resier). Toss in Michael Tandino, Jenny Summers, and the "First Team" from the first movie, Lutz, his assistant, and Jan from #2, and Hector Elizondo from the third. You've got great baddies too. Victor Matelin and his right-hand man, Thamopolis, that tall blonde, Charles Kain, Maxwell Dent, and Ellis De Wald. And you can't have a BCH game with out Serge. Get real voices, toss in a multiplayer FPS mode, and you've got a gold mine.

Is "Saturday Night Live" ever going to be good again? The show has went downhill since Will Farrell left. And after Jimmy Fallon left, there are no funny reoccuring characters left. The only reason to watch it now is for the guest host. That can't be a good sign for the show.

Side note #1: How are they going to do "Weekend Update" now? Tina Fey by herself? Or put someone in Jimmy Fallon's place?

Side note #2: With Fallon gone, he won't be ruining every sketch by cracking up anymore. I won't miss that.

Ms. Julia Stiles, please stop appearing in chick flicks. You're a beautiful, talented girl, and you're letting it going to waste.

I want to try playing cricket someday. Because I want to see how baseball skills and strategies transfer to that game. Can I still smack the hell out of the ball? Swing for the fences every time? Or do I have to be a slap hitter? What about fielding? Do I want to dive to make plays?

You women don't want nice guys. You want bad asses. Why? A bad ass can act like a nice guy, and get away with it. When a nice guy tries the reverse, he looks like a damn fool. Makes me sick.

Yay, technology!

So, I got a new job doing Tech Support at Phoenix International here in Fargo. And they had a surplus equipment auction the other day. That's where I picked up this sweet Compaq laptop for $50. 200 MHz Pentium Processor, 3 GB hard drive, 128 MB of RAM. The eraser mouse is screwy. There's no Ethernet or USB adapter. Other than that, it's in good condition.

I plan to drop a wireless network and a USB card into it, then use it so I can surf the Internet and blog while I watch TV without having to get off my ass and go into the other room.

Technology is a beautiful thing...

Take me out to the ballgame

OK, it's Labor Day, which can mean only one thing: September pennant races. So, here are the twenty important baseball stories (IMO) going into the final weeks of the season.

1. The Yankees dynasty is starting to crumble. There are cracks in the foundation. Pitching problems. Kevin Brown threw a tantrum and broke his hand, he's out for the rest of the season. Relievers are amassing too many innings and may not have anything left in the tank in October. Clemens is gone. David Wells is too. Sorry, but the Moose can't carry that rotation to victory by himself.

2. Also, the Yankees are assholes. Asking for a forfeit when Hurricane Frances came through Florida, preventing the Devil Rays from coming up for the first of a scheduled doubleheader. Surprisingly, Bud Selig made a correct decision, not giving the Yanks a win by forfeit, saying that the pennant race should be decided by what happens on the field. Even more surprising, Satanbrenner and Torre weren't the ones bitching about it.

3. Hooray for Boston! On August 15th, they were 10.5 back of New York. After today, that lead has been cut back to 2.5. I really hope they win the division. And I really, really, REALLY hope the Yankess don't make it to the playoffs.

4. One last remark on the AL East, there's a good chance the finishing order will be different for the first time since 1998. In each of the last six seasons, it's finished New York, Boston, Toronto, Baltimore, and Tampa Bay.

5. The Twins had a close call for the AL Central race. On August 14th, the Indians were only one game back. Now, they're 10 back and in 3rd. Chicago is in 2nd and 7.5 back.

6. Speaking of Chicago, injuries killed them. Not having Frank Thomas and Magglio Ordonez crippled their offense. And I was worried about Freddie Garcia. Heh.

7. The Indians are good. If they can pick up a pitcher or two in the offseason, and hit the same way next year as they're doing this year... The Indians of the mid-to-late 90's will be back. And will challenge the Twins for the Central.

8. Can Johan Santana will the AL Cy Young award? I think so. 16 Wins (3rd in AL), 2.95 ERA (2nd), and 224 K's (1st). He'll have to win the remainer of his starts or finish with 20 wins to be considered the top candidate.

9. I can live with not having Joe Mauer for the rest of the season if that means his knee problems won't end his career before it starts. We gave up a damn good catcher in A.J. Pierzynski. I don't want to lose another one. Especially a local kid. Who the Twins are depending on being the catcher for the next 10-15 years.

10. Hot race out West. Not as close as it once was. But I want to see Oakland, Anaheim, and Texas go into the last weekend of the season with a chance that any one of them could win the division.

11. I'm more interested in Ichiro's quest for the single-season hits record than Bonds' quest for 73 HR's in 2001. Ichiro needs 31 hits in 25 games to tie George Sisler's record of 257. Side note: I resented Ichiro in his first season, because Seattle's offense was so hot. He set the table for guys like Bret Boone and Edgar Martinez to drive him in. Give up a hit to Ichiro to lead off the game, and Seattle would be up by 3 after the first inning. Seattle beat Minnesota 8 of 9 times in 2001 because of that.

12. The Braves just won't die. They're well on their way to an insane 13th consecutive division title. And it's been this way for the last 3 seasons. Everyone picked Philly or Florida to win the division, but Atlanta just keeps finding ways to win.

13. Let's all hope that the Expos find a new home for 2005. I like D.C. as a choice. New natural rivalry with Baltimore, and opens a Philly-Toronto rivalry ('93 World Series). Doesn't mess with divisional alignments. Also helps if MLB wants 15 teams in both the AL and NL, instead of this 14/16 crap.

14. The Cardinals are running away with the NL Central. Who knew? The Cubs and Astros were the favorites. Sick. I think they're the team to beat this year.

15. Bonds is hurting the Giants. This whole "won't play a day game after a night game" crap is costing them in the standings. And that is the big reason why he SHOULD NOT be the NL MVP. Give it to someone more deserving. And less of a total asshole. I hate him.

16. The Marlins and Astros have gotten back into the NL Wild Card race. Good for them. They need some good luck after all the crap they went through this season.

17. Unfortunately, Hurricane Frances could ruin the playoff hopes for either the Cubs or the Marlins, or maybe both. They really don't have time to make up the games. And if they need to play a doubleheader one day after the season ends to determine the Wild Card team, they might not make it out of the first round.

18. Only three teams mathematically out of the race. Seattle, Arizona, and Kansas City. One more loss, and Toronto is gone. They're starting to drop like flies.

19. OK, here's how I want the playoffs to finish. Divisional Series: Twins beat the Yankees. Oakland defeats Boston. St. Louis over Los Angeles. Cubs take out the Braves. League Championship Series: Twins and Cubs. Minnesota wins the World Series.

20. Here's how it probably will finish. Divisional Series: Twins beat the Yankees. Boston over Oakland. Braves defeat the Cubs. St. Louis over Los Angeles. League Championship Series: Boston and St. Louis win. St. Louis are the 2004 World Series Champions.

Why, oh why, did they make "Tremors 4"? And it takes place in the Old West!! It hurts my brain just to contemplate it. I know Michael Gross needs work, but come on!!

When is "Ed, Edd n Eddy" coming to DVD? And will the episodes come in random order (like PPG) or sequential order?

I don't think I could ever give up my land phone line. Here's why. First, an answering machine is just a one-time payment for usage. Voice mail usually costs a monthly subscription fee. You can get an answering machine for less than $20, while voice mail can costs like $3/month. Second, I can make unlimited, anytime local calls on a land line. Most cell phones limit how much you can talk without billing you extra. Some newer plans give you unlimited nighttime and weekend talk time, but what about the daytime and early evenings, when I want to call people? Third, if you change providers, you can keep the land line phone you have. Usually, you have to buy a new cell phone.

Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. The Dude on their recent marriage.

I hope the AL West race will go down to the wire. Anaheim, Texas, and Oakland within 2 games of each other with a week left in the season. That'd be fun to watch.

Some updates on my thoughts from the previous post...

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According to the "That 70s Show" Episode Guide on TV Tome, Eric and Donna made love in Episode 41 (Season 2), then broke up in Episode 76 (Season 3 Finale). Donna got together with Kasey Kelso (Michael's brother) in Episode 92 (Season 4), then Kasey dumps her in Episode 103 (Season 4 Finale). Eric and Donna got back together in the Season 5 Premier.

As for Kelso and his van, I believe he lost it in Episode 61 (Season 3). Leo gives Hyde the El Camino in Episode 65 (Season 3). Michael gets a NEW van in a radio contest in Episode 80 (Season 4).

The website above will give you the basic plot lines for all 6 seasons so far. Also, Season 1 of "That 70s Show" is coming to DVD this October.

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The Twins were 2 outs away from sweeping the Yankees. They came back from being down 9-3 in the bottom of the 7th to take a 10-9 lead going into the 9th. Joe Nathan gave up 4 runs and blew the save.

I watched as the Twins started scoring runs in the bottom of that 7th inning, and was getting very excited at the prospect of a sweep of the Yankees, a team they hadn't beat in the regular season in 2 years, and only once in the last 17 games. Not to mention New York beating them in the playoffs.

I was disappointed in the result, but I didn't blame Nathan. I just wanted to give the bully a well-deserved stomach punch. Then maybe watch Joe Torre or, even better, Satanbrenner, blow up about the outcome.

The Twins won the first game in a home series with the Indians, and are currently 5 games ahead of the Tribe. A sweep should open the lead significantly and take the wind out of Cleveland's sails.

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AC/DC does not have a Greatest Hits album, but a very extensive collection. It's currently not worth my time to search for the songs I like.

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It turns out that I was both right and wrong about differences between the rules for Olympic Gymnastics during the 1996 Atlanta and 2004 Athens games.

--I thought that the women competed on 5 apparatuses (apparati?). Turns out it was only 4. I thought they did Rings too, but no. That never changed.

--The scoring did. In Atlanta, you picked 6 people to compete per apparatus, throw out the lowest score. That didn't happen in Athens. You picked 3 people to compete, and all the scores counted.

--In Atlanta, it would appear that there was a compulsatory (required) routine and a optional routine. Both counted towards the team score. Now there is no compulsatory portion.

--Team sizes shrank from 7 to 6.

--The maimxum number of competitors a team sent to the Individual All-Around competetion shrank from 3 to 2.

--You got 2 vaults in Atlanta and Sydney. The lower score was discarded. You only get 1 in Athens (or Paul Hamm would have gotten rid of the one where he fell on his ass if they did).

Any questions you may have about the 1996, 2000, or 2004 Games, or anything else, could be answered at the offical website for USA Gymnastics. (Side note: site is kinda sloppy; they could use a better webmaster)

I don't think AC/DC has a greatest hits album. And that kinda sucks. I like quite a few of their songs, but to find them, I'd have to go through their entire library of albums. And instead of buying one CD with those hits, I'd have to purchase several.

Does anyone know the plotline to "That 70's Show"? Like, what order the episodes go in and what events happen when (relatively). Example 1: Kelso lost his van in the lake. Then Hyde got the El Camino. But how did Kelso and Donna get to California? It seems to me that they took Kelso's van. Example 2: Did Eric and Donna consummate their relationship before or after she went out with Kelso's brother?

The Twins beat the Yankees. Twice. Woot. In danger of watching their lead over the Tribe disappear on Sunday, the Twins have managed to open it back up to 4 1/2. The Indians are too good. I didn't expect them to make a run for the division crown this year. And until Minnesota's lead is safe (8-10 games), I won't be comfortable with Cleveland in our rear view mirror.

Side note: Doug Mientkiewicz at second base. Why the hell didn't we think of that?

My favorite character on CSI is Greg.

If you're going to sit down and play multiple Mega Man NES games, play them in order. There are some things you can do in the later installments that you can't do in the earlier ones. Like trying to slide in MM2. Not possible. Or power-up the regular weapon in MM3. And for the love of God, do not play the versions found on the Anniversary Collection. Those boneheads at Capcom farmed the work out to another developer, and they fucked it up to hell. The shoot and jump buttons switched around. Using BINK on a console. Slow menu controls. The disc sucks ass. Don't buy it, don't rent it, don't play it, and don't give it any undeserved praise.

Cal Ripken Jr. and the Osbourne Kids in a Radio Shack commercial. WTF?

You know, I thought I understood how team all-around gymnastics worked in the Olympics from watching the Atlanta games, but seeing it on TV this year, I'm confused. Can someone explain it to me?

Lastly: this bear is freakin' awesome.

I was driving in Fargo on Saturday afternoon, when I came to a stoplight, and some guy with a Harley pulled up beside me. I had my window down, so I told him that I liked it. And I meant it. I'm not a motorcycle guy, but I was really impressed by that shiny bike. If I ever got a motorcycle, I'd want one just like that.

Girls can pull off the whole Goth thing a whole lot better than guys can.

Dr. Angus is dumb. What with his fake quasi-German accent? And having a helicopter? Honestly, those commercials are so bad, I'm almost ashamed to say that I like Burger King.

How does a nerdy accountant type like John Clayton become a top football analyst for ESPN, the #1 sports network in the world? He looks like a guy who should be doing your taxes or sitting in front of a computer. He looks like an atypical football fan. I just don't get it.

I just realized something the other day. Star Trek, or any of its spinoffs, never did a clip show. How weird is that? Every mildly successful TV show does at least one during its run. Heck, "Clerks" (the animated series) did one as its SECOND episode. And clip shows are not tough to do. They require a lot less writing. Just some weak story to tie the clips together.

I've been able to coax a few of my friends into playing in a fantasy football league. It'll give me an excuse to get into football, which I really haven't been able to do since the Broncos won their two Super Bowls and Elway retired.

Why do women/girls in Hollywood between the ages of 14 and 34 feel like need to pursue a career in both acting and singing? Is it really necessary? Are they so unhappy with the one profession that they have to follow a second, equally demanding one? And do you ever notice that it's always pop music? They take the easy way out and choose a genre that requires (relatively) less work. Maybe if they focused on one task, they'd be better at that...

The problem with Subway sandwiches is that a six-inch sub is not filling enough and a footlong is too expensive.

Any Tom, Dick, and Harry can become President in America. Just ask Jefferson, Nixon, and Truman.

Speaking of politics, am I the only one who thinks the geeks of the world should unite and fight for our own political causes? American geeks have much to worry about. Copyright law, online censorship, outsourcing of jobs, the Microsoft monopoly. Together as a single voice, we would be heard.

Do you remember when poker was cool? I do. It was during the 2003 World Series of Poker. When Chris Moneymaker came out of nowhere to win the $2.5 million in the main event. Then, everybody and their mom realized, "Hey, if this guy played in some Internet tournaments to make his way through and win it all, I can too!" ESPN deserves a large amount of blame too. Before, it was just a short series of hour-long episodes that showed the action from the main event. Now, they have to show practically EVERY tournament. It's just not an interesting. Like watching the first three and a half quarters of a basketball game just to get to the last few minutes of nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat competition.

If I knew what the hell what was going on, I could probably get into Stargate SG-1. But I have no freakin' clue. Really, the only thing stopping me is experience. Like Star Trek. I've seen mostly every episode of TNG, DS9, and VOY. I grew up watching it. Not so much with the SG-1. Any suggestions?

Why were they called "8-track" cassettes?

You know, I'm guessing that the only person who finds Andy Dick funny is Andy Dick.

Top 10 teams I'd like to see win the World Series: Twins, Cubs, Red Sox, A's, Cardinals, Astros, Rangers, Phillies, Dodgers, Angels.

A fun skill to have would be the ability to stop your involuntary body functions (read: breathing and heart-beating) on a whim. I would love to take a blow to the head or torso, then fake everyone out by falling to the ground, closing my eyes, stop my breathing and heartbeat, and have them think I was dead. Then popping awake and scaring the crap out of them. Unfortunately, I probably couldn't hide the grin on my face or hold back the laughter. Still a neat idea though.

The City of Fargo will not be happy (read: stop growing) until half the population of North Dakota lives within its city limits.

Did you see the Twins games this weekend? Those hideous powder blue uniforms.  What were they thinking?

In the words of Mr. Burns: "Non-violence never solves anything!"

What right or reason does Sum 41 have to "Rock Against Bush"? They're CANADIAN!! They have no right to say who our leaders should be or what they should do. If they got a problem with W, go back to Canada, eh? Those hosers.

I want to build a Human Foosball table. A REAL one. With actual people. But I do recgonize two possible problems. One is safety. How do you design a harness that can safely hold a human in place? You'd need something to keep their feet/legs in place. Ideally, you'd also want them to keep their hands at their sides, but you want to give them some method to defend themselves. Helmets would be required, obviously. Second, turning the people. You'd need to rig up some gear system so you can make a normal foosball-type handle to turn a much larger version. And the person spinning the foosball players would probably have to be standing on a platform above the action, so they can see the whole field.

I'll gladly pay more for my groceries if it means that someone will bag them for me.

If today is your birthday, Happy Birthday!! If not, Happy Unbirthday!!

Have you seen that show "Quintuplets" on FOX? The one with Andy Richter.  Did you notice how extremely portrayed their characters are? First, you got the short boy, who's a lot like Bud Bundy, but he doesn't come off disgusting, like Bud. Then, there's the stupid guy. He says a lot of the same things you'd expect a kid like that to say if he were stoned. Next, is the athletic, popular guy. Finally, there are the two girls. They're kinda like the two girls on "8 Simple Rules", but again, taken to more of an extreme. The popular blonde is even more worried about popularity, while the cute mousey brunette girl is just a little more anti-establishment than her ABC counterpart. Each kid is a stereotype of the teenage population he/she is trying to represent.

I've got a face for radio...

On my way to work this morning, I was listening to the radio. On FM 105, they were playing "Jane's Box". It was a matching game. Each letter had a prize associated with it. Pick two letters with the same prize, and win that item. There were two letters left. E and B. I called in. And won some rubber vegetables!! w00t! Oh, and a butter dish. Score!

I wish I was a famous celebrity, just so I wouldn't feel awkward and uncomfortable about approaching and talking to famous celebrities.

There needs to be an IMDB-esque database/website for music videos.

Maybe the reason diseases aren't being cured is because the reasearchers are too worried about their own job security. For example, Dr. Foo does AIDS reasearch. If he were to find a cure, he'd get worldwide recognition and be remembered for generations. But he'd also be out of a job. And so would every other doctor doing AIDS research.

Why wasn't "Dogma" turned into a cartoon? The cast and characters were great. Bartleby, Loki, Cardinal Glick, Bethany, Rufus, Jay, Silent Bob, Metatron, Serendipity, God, Azrael. Kevin Smith is a good writer; I'm sure he could have done an excellent job transforming the movie into an animated series. The world needs more Matt Damon and Ben Affleck arguing and fighting like a married couple.

I wonder, how difficult would it be to make a game like Grand Theft Auto multiplayer? Just add some networking capabilities. Let players work together on a team, or compete to complete objectives or be the most dominant figure in the game. GTA might also work as an MMORPG.

I feel that McAfee makes superior anti-virus products, but Symantec's analysis of viruses to be more complete than McAfee's.

You what would be fun? Putting a cat in a zero-G environment. Let the cat get all freaked out from the lack of gravity. Watch it continuously roll its body over in a futile attempt to land on its feet. The more cats, the better. Hopefully, the idiots at PETA wouldn't start bitchin' about it.

Mother Nature can be such a bitch

I hate storms. Specifically, severe thunderstorms and tornadoes. The Fargo area has had some nasty weather since about 8 PM on Saturday. Heavy rain, hail, lightning, thunder.

Saturday evening, I tried to drive home in it. I only had 3 miles to go from Applebee's to my house, but it seemed like it took forever. I didn't go any faster than 25. Then, at the intersection of 13th Ave South and 38th Street, a van was going east on the westbound lanes. And he wanted to turn left (probably to get into the correct lanes of the divided avenue). I would have changed to a different lane if there weren't two very large semi-trucks in the lane to my right. As soon as those trucks progressed to a point where I could pull behind them, the van finally got into the correct eastbound side of the street. Shortly after that, the hail started coming down. I couldn't see it with all the rain, so I had no idea how big it was. But I knew it was hitting my car. I didn't want a large piece to come through my windshield and cause me to get into a fatal accident. As I was coming down 45th Street, my car started hydroplaning. Not fun. I was worried I'd lose control. Lastly, on my way over the interstate, a truck on my right sped up and splashed so much water on my windshield. I couldn't see nothing. I slowed down, but didn't want to get hit from behind either. I don't ever wanna drive in that crap again.

Anywho, my previous point. I hate storms. They bring so much uncertainty. I don't know where it's going to go or what it's going to do. And I have no control over the situation. I'm at the mercy of God and Mother Nature. Like waiting for a jury to reach a verdict and sentence you (if applicable) when you're on trial for a felony. I just have to sit and wait it out.

What have I been smoking?

I had a really strange dream last night.

I was sitting in the living room of the house I lived in during the mid 80's to early 90's. I was watching TV, and my tiger was lying on the floor close to me. Every once in a while, something would peak his interest, and he'd pop his head up, just like a common household cat. And each time, I looked him straight in the eyes and said "NO...", trying to discourage him from hunting down the object that got his attention. I could see the killer instinct look in his eyes. It scared me a little. But I kept thinking to myself, "Stay firm, don't show him you're afraid, just hold your ground, and he'll respect you and listen." He'd put his head back down and continued lounging around.

After doing this a few times, this person showed up in this strange bear costume. The "bear" sat down on the couch, crawled out of the stomach of the costume, leaving it behind to sit. It was Avril Lavigne. And she was crying. She was upset about something. I don't remember what. She sat down on my lap, perpendicular to my sitting direction. I put my arm around her and started to console her. I wanted her to tell me everything that went wrong. And she did. And it did help her feel better.

Yeah... So, I'm crazy. But I think that's a given at this point.

Waiting for a jet plane

Three thoughts when I was at the airport today:

1: Would running up the down escalator be considered a security threat? Usually goofy and/or dumb people do this, and few of us think anything of it. But with the way things are since 9/11, I dunno...

B: I'd like to hang out at the local airport when that car dealership brings in new cars for the main floor lobby. Yes, the Fargo airport is so small and pathetic that dealerships use it as a satellite car lot to sell their vehicles.

Three: I remember #3. I think...

Why don't they wear seat belts on "Star Trek"? Let's think about this. You wear your seat belt in the car. Top speed around 120, but you probably rarely take it up above 80. Holds 4-6 passengers. U.S.S. Enterprise-D can go like Warp 9.5 and has 1100 people in it. Of course, space is wider, and there's a lot less stuff to hit. But if the crew had seat belts, they wouldn't go flying all over the place in battle. Dramatic effect be damned!!

I'm surprised by how caustic and foul-smelling drain cleaner is.

Weezer's Green Album is the first CD I own in which I ripped every song onto my computer.

OK, who's the bassist for The White Stripes? Jack sings and plays guitar. Meg drums. Sure, when recording for a studio album, it's not tough. But what do they do for live shows?

Watch "Law and Order"? Ever notice how all the dead bodies are randomly found by NYC citizens? I don't believe that's very realistic. OK, assume 25 episodes per season (about 8 months long). How many murders are there in the Big Apple during that same late September to mid May time frame? The numbers just don't add up for me.

The only thing worse that cute kids in TV commercials are cute animals with kids' voices.

I've seen these commercials for a casino in the Red River Valley region, where they have washed-up bands from 20 years or longer ago come in on a regular basis. And I got to thinking. I hope my favorite bands of today don't have to resort to casino tours to eke out a living in 30+ years. And I REALLY don't want to be 50 and attending those shows, which might be the only chance I'd ever have to see them.

It's been raining for the last few days here in Fargo. How appropriate...

That's it. I got nothing.

The Paul Fritz Invitational (insert sport here) Tournament

When I get rich, I'd like to host 6 celebrity sports tournaments a year. I'd have hockey in January, basketball in March, softball in May, golf in July, soccer in September, and flag football in November. Each would consist of 8 teams. With the obvious exception of golf, the teams would be split into 2 pools of 4, then seeded for a single elimination bracket to determine the winner.

The whole thing would be for charity. Every player and team would be playing for the cause of their choice. Each member of the winning team would get $5,000. Each captain would get $10,000. The winning team gets $25,000. Every participant gets $2,000, and every team gets $10,000. For the golf tournament, the overall individual winner would get $10,000.

Teams would consist of musicians, actors, former pro athletes, my friends, and me. No pro athlete can play in the tournament that he/she went pro in (example: Tom Glavine and Cal Ripken Jr. could play in the hockey and soccer tournaments respectively, but neither could play in the softball tournament).

Teams sizes are as follows: 11 for hockey (2 lines, 2 defensive pairings, 1 goalie), 8 for basketball (5v5, 3 bench players), 11 for softball (10 starters plus an extra), 4-man golf teams, 8 for soccer (1 goalie, and 7 players to be arranged in any manner desired by the captain), and 8 for football (7v7 and 1 extra). Players would be split into teams based on their individual ability. The idea is that every team has an equal chance as possible to win.

For each tournament, 2 areas of play would be needed. Again, golf is the exception, where half the teams would start at the 1st hole and the other half at the 10th. Of course, all tournaments would be held in Fargo.

After a winner has been crowned, festivities would commence. These would include a music concert, several video game stations (most likely with the same sport as the tournament), an awards ceremony.

Two quick things

1. Why didn't Dustin Diamond fight Jaleel White, aka Steve Urkel, on "Celebrity Boxing"? The two biggest nerds of the early to mid 90's. I would have watched those two duke it out in the squared circle. That's the problem with FOX. Their programming directors let some stupid **** get on the air.

2. Michael Moore sucks. Read this article. Then, find his movie, download it, burn it to discs, and charge Republicans to use the discs as targets at a shooting range. Finally, use the profits to stick it to Moore even farther up his ass.

When people in a commercial talk about "this website", and no one explicitly says what the website is, you know it has to reek of no good.

I never thought I could do it, nor ever wanted to do it, but I was able to drive down to and within the Twin Cities. I was so nervous, scared, and anxious before getting in the car, but once I got on the road, my worries decreased a lot. Thank god for Yahoo! Maps, easy-to-follow driving directions, and big, simple road signs.

On the way down, I saw so many out-of-state license plates, I could have destroyed at License Plate Bingo. Washington, Oregon, Nebraska, Missouri, Mississippi, Connecticut, Alaska. Even Canadian provinces Alberta and Saskatchewan. On the way back, I also spotted Wisconsin (I saw it in Fargo, so it counts), Kentucky, Tennessee, Connecticut, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania.

You know, I really have to sit down and try salmon some day. I've heard good things. It's the one food I'm looking forward to having for the first time.

One million pennies. Crazy, but cool.

Let your waves crash down on me and take me away.

A few more comments about movies coming out this summer...

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I, Robot: Call it what it is. The sequel to Independence Day.
Anchorman: Will Farrell is probably the most successful ex-SNLer to launch a movie career since Mike Myers
Spider-Man 2: This WILL be the coolest movie of the summer. Columbia Pictures hit a gold mine when it made movies based off of Marvel Comics the last 5 years.

Could you imagine superheroes following proper police procedure? Batman, Superman, Spider-Man all sitting at desks, or collecting evidence, or talking to the DA. Bizarre.

Yeah, this IS what I think about when I'm sitting around and doing nothing.

This may have been previously analyzed by many before me, but I'll just point it out to refresh your memory. Brian and Stewie have a unique relationship. Brian is the only one who understands Stewie. Stewie appreciates this (although he doesn't show it often), but also recognizes that Brian is his greatest threat.

Spell Check. It's a good thing.

Two of the greatest words in the English language: Play ball.

I GOT A JOB!! w00t!!

No longer will I stress and worry about finding employment. Now, I can stress and worry about KEEPING employment.

So, what's with this trend in music to put a terrible vocalist with an otherwise good band. Maroon 5 without their singer would be good. But that guy is horrible. He should change his tone or pitch or whatever so he doesn't suck anymore. Better yet, replace him. Same goes for Modest Mouse in their song "Float On".

Speaking of music, is P.O.D. capable of writing/recording/performing a decent WHOLE song? They can come so close to hitting the mark, but then things go awfully awry. A song can go from good to suck in just a few notes.

Here's something that's been bothering me for a while. If mergers work so well for businesses, why don't you see charities doing the same thing? I'm sure they can cut considerable costs by dumping high-ranking management, reducing office space, and buying office supplies in larger bulk amounts. Instead of 100 institutions doing AIDS research, you can have 8. And those 8 would get a whole lot more done than 100 separate charities. It's win-win.

So, who is older? Pugsley or Wednesday Addams? In the movies made during the early to mid 90's, Wednesday seems to come off as the older one (via intelligence and having more control in situations with her brother), but seeing the old TV show on TV Land as I surf the channels, Pugsely looks older (due to his large size).

You know that a sketch and variety show is bad when they have to start parodying characters from OTHER variety shows. COUGH*madtv*COUGH...

I'd say I hate SUVs as much as the average person. They're big gas guzzlers. They're trendy. I'd say 80-90% of people who own them don't have a good enough reason to own one. Those people aren't making good decisions. If you need storage and hauling capacity, buy a pick-up truck. If you need to transport kids, get a minivan. If you need to transport adults, get a mid-size car. If you need to take several adults (5+), take two or more vehicles. You don't need an SUV if you never take it out of the city. You almost never need one, period.

However, radical eco-terrorists are not right either. Just because you object to something, doesn't mean you can vandalize and destroy it. Spray painting the vehicles in the dealer lots is also wrong.

Thank you MTV, for declaring the word "bling" and phrase "bling-bling" dead. People, especially everyone, should be beaten for using the term(s).

I think I like the bright green traffic lights more than the older, duller green lights.

Who else wants to skewer and roast Michael Moore alive? What an asshole. Don't go see his movie. Ever. In fact, make a sign, picket outside your local movie theater, and dissuade fellow moviegoers from seeing his movie(s).

Does anyone else want a "Marvel" soundtrack? Let's take a look on the list of movies based on Marvel Comics in the past few years: X-Men 1 and 2, Spider-Man 1 and 2, The Hulk, Daredevil, The Punisher. There's going to be another Spider-Man and X-Men movie, plus an Iron Man movie and a Fantastic Four movie. There were so many great songs on the Daredevil Soundtrack. The Punisher has the Seether song (the one with Amy Lee). Spider-Man had some good tracks too. Toss in some of the best musical scores, and you've got a record that could sell at least 5 million copies.

Target is superior to Wal-Mart in every way, except the electronics department. Wal-Mart has it closed off, self-contained, and very organized. Other than that, Target is way better.

I got a -4 (4 under par) playing Frisbee Golf yesterday. I got birdie on 1, 3, 6, and 12. The conditions were perfect. The air temperature was in the 65-70 range. Some cloud cover. Barely any mosquitoes. The ground was just wet enough so that the discs would die when they hit the ground instead of rolling forever. I had great tee shots, getting exceptional distance on my overhand toss (which, for me, is more accurate and farther than a standard frisbee throw). Every time I did make a less-than-stellar stroke, I was able to recover on the very next shot. And my putting was flawless. My friend Tyler also got a -4. He birdied the last hole, a par 5, to tie me at the end. If we had more time to play, we would have went to a playoff. I think he would have won it. It's probably going to be my best game ever, and I don't think I'll ever play that well again. I had a great time.

I found this great web site on the Internet yesterday. The Brickshelf Library is an online archive of Lego instruction manuals. It's so cool. I can download copies of the manuals I already have, and some that I lost years ago. The scan quality is good, but not great. Very readable, but inconsistent (various Lego fans scan and submit the manuals themselves). The best part is that I don't have to do it. Someone else has already done it for me.

I'm willing to bet that over 98% of Americans don't know the words to their respective state song. Which is why they should play "Know Your State Song Lyrics" on Letterman. Or go Jaywalking and ask people at Universal Studios in Hollywood. Possibly even hand out $100 bills to people who DO know the words. I think it would be a good sketch for a late night talk show.

Yes, even better than "Conan O'Brien Hates My Homeland".

Silly Finland...

Did anyone notice the similarities between Charlie Brown trading Snoopy, his best player, to Peppermint Patty's team for 5 players during Saturday evening's broadcast of the "Peanuts" Special, "Lucy Must Be Traded", and what the Kansas City Royals will do with Carlos Beltran this summer?

Lenny Kravitz promoting NASCAR. You're kidding, right? He's practically the exact opposite of the average NASCAR fan. I wonder what convinced him to do tho$$e commercial$$...

A few comments about some other movies coming out this summer...

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Garfield: Is anyone else thinking "Scooby Doo 3"? Enough with the live-action, computer animation movies.
Wimbledon: This is the closest Anna Kornikova will get to winning a tennis tournament, ever.
Dodgeball: When in doubt, go with a sports comedy. Physical humor + Ben Stiller = good.

Grape Tootsie Roll Pops are far superior to any other flavor. The only one that comes close (like how close Los Angeles is to New York) is Raspberry.

One of the great things about John Mayer's music is that it's great for listening in the car when cruising on the highways. It just feels right.

Why does the newest CSI spinoff take place in New York? I can think of at least 4 better places than the Big Apple. Seattle, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Chicago, and St. Louis would all be better choices, IMO. And maybe Boise, Idaho...

Fritz Baseball Cards

If I manufactured/produced baseball cards, this is how I would do it. I'd stick with only four sets.

Set 1: Cheap cards. Large set size. At least 750, but not past 1000. Single Series. I like Upper Deck's idea of a 40-man roster set, but with 30 teams, that's 1200. Few, if any insert sets (definitely no more than 3). Decent quality. Not necessarily glossing or color on both sides. Packs are 75 cents for 15 cards, or jumbo packs of 40 for $1.60. Good examples to base the set off of: 2000 and 2001 Victory, 1986-1992 Topps, 1991 and 1992 Fleer.

Set 2: Base cards. Set size between 600 and 800. Two Series. Significant number of insert sets. About 6-10. Better quality than Set 1. Both sides hase glossing and color. MAYBE a little foil on the front side of the card (like the company or logo). Three types of packs: hobby, retail, and jumbo. Each type has 2 types of exclusive inserts. The rest of the inserts common to all packs (but possibly at slighty different odds). Some inserts are also series exclusive. Hobby and retail packs are 99 cents for 12, while Jumbo are $1.99 for 25-27. Good example of normal set: 2002-2003 Topps. Good example of insert sets: 1994 Fleer.

Side note: this is the only set with a subsequent Traded/Update/Rookie set.

Set 3: Good cards. Set size 400-500, depending on the size of the base set. Possibly two series, but not definite. Some insert sets (4 +/- 1). No inserts contain game-used memorbilia. Better quality than base set. Packs are $1.49 to $1.99 for 8-10 cards. Jumbo packs (if there would be any) would be 2x cards for $2.49 to $2.99. For lack of experience with higher quality sets, I have no example to base this off of.

Set 4: Premium cards. Small set size, about 150-250. Single Series. Limited print run (I like that way Score Select had about 5,000 sets in the mid-90's). Four insert series. Definitely game-used or autograph cards, but in limited quanitities. That insert set would be limited to 30 cards, and that would be the only set with GU/Auto. Each card in that set would be limited to 200 print runs. Rotate jerseys/bats/autographs every year isn't a half-bad idea. Thicker card stock. Packs are $2.99 to $3.99 for 4-6 cards. A game-used card would take the place of 2 normal cards. That "add a padding thing so you can't feel for them" is highly recommended. Again, for lack of experience, I cannot compare this to any set that already exists.

Final note on baseball cards. Upper Deck just had to go and ruin it. They raised the quality of cards and made the hobby difficult to afford. Damn them.

My top 10 favorite cartoons on Cartoon Network (no particular order):
1. Family Guy
2. Futurama
3. The Brak Show
4. Sealab 2021
5. Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
6. Powerpuff Girls
7. Droopy
8. Aqua Teen Hunger Force
9. Tom and Jerry (the newer, the better)
10. Ed, Edd n Eddy

OK, people have to stop "approving these messages". I understand if George Bush, who's running for president, approves the nationally aired advertisements for his campaign. Then Anna Nicole Smith, that dumb *****, started "approving" TrimSpa ads. Like her opinion, or any other thought in her head, counts for anything. Next, the Budweiser donkey used it, and made an ass of himself. But the one that sent it over the edge was the random person running for some piddly little position in Cass County. I'm sure she's quite qualified for the position. And that the office she is running for makes a small difference in North Dakota's largest county. But really, I don't give a fuck if you approve your message or not. How many people are going to care? Honestly.

Let's please keep our currency the way it is. Honestly, I don't think Reagan did enough to earn it. The current cast is fine just the way it is. It's almost like a long running, successful TV show. You don't want to mess with the chemistry and watch it go down the crapper.

Now, more than ever, I need God-like powers. Road construction + rush hour + stupid drivers = one very angry Fritz. If you've even seen "Star Trek", you're familiar with the power the Q have. I'd like that. First, I'd instantly complete all road construction in Fargo. Then, I'd use my power to punish all the idiots who perform stupid driving tricks. Death would be an easy escape for them. I'd prefer to torture them for awhile. Maybe take away their cars for a period of time, kinda like a penalty box. Of course, with infinite powers like that, I wouldn't need to sit in traffic at all. I could just appear wherever I want, whenever I want.

I got a +4 on the OGFGC (Oak Grove Frisbee Golf Course) on Monday. Best ever. Maybe I can get a par by the end of the summer.

The more I see advertisments for "The Chronicles of Riddick", the more I think "That movie might not be so bad." I still think it's going to be terrible. Must not give into the temptation to see it. Well, definitely not pay more than $2 to see it.

I'm going to the Twin Cities to try out for Jeopardy! at the end of the month. I'm thinking of keeping a running diary of what happens. That might be fun.

It's not "D12 with Eminem" or "D12 featuring Eminem". It's just plain "D12". He's a founding member. He never left his band. Yes, his solo career took off, but he's still one of the six guys in the group. Got it? Good.

In theaters on July, it's the latest piece of garbage from M. Night Whatshisname. How is this man allowed to continue writing and directing movies? And who are these people who think that his movies are good? I saw "The Sixth Sense." Absolutely horrible. What a waste.

If you like sports, you should really check out Bill Simmons' columns in ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com's Page 2. He knows what he's talking about. The best parts are his ramblings and his mailbag. It's almost like we share a brain (and he uses better and more often than I do).

I can't wait to see Eli Manning crash and burn. What an asshole. Yes, I know the draft was like 6 weeks ago. No, this is nothing like John Elway. Yes, he also wanted to be traded from the team that drafted him, but he had a fallback occupation. If the Colts never gave him his trade, he could have just went to play baseball for the New York Yankees. Thank god that never happened.

OK, here's that ultimate Star Trek crew I promised a long time ago. Rules are as follows: 10 crew members, no one is dead, ranks are as of the character's last appearance in any episode or movie, and no "Enterprise" since that show sucks and fubars the entire Star Trek Universe.

-- Admiral Janeway. By adding an admiral, I can keep this former captain.
-- Captain Picard. Toss up here. I take Picard in peacetime, but like Sisko in wartime.
-- First Officer Cmdr. Riker. He beats out Chakotay as my favorite XO.
-- Chief Medical Officer Voyager's EMH-1 Holographic Doctor. He's the most quirky. And he's got attitude. Bashir comes in at a close 2nd.
-- Chief Engineer Lt. Cmdr. LaForge. I trust no one else with a ship's engines.
-- Conn Officer Lt. (JG) Paris. Best pilot in Starfleet.
-- Chief of Security Lt. Cmdr. Worf. It's a good day to die.
-- Science Officer Lt. Cmdr. Jadzia Dax.
-- Operations Officer Lt. Cmdr. Data. By including separate Science and Operations Officers, I get both Jadzia and Data. IOW: I cheated! :P
-- Astrometrics Officer Seven of Nine. Have you seen what she looks like?

Honorable Mentions: Neelix, Tuvok, McCoy (aka Bones), Quark, Kim.

I'm such a dork. Hee hee.

I'm calling it right now. There WILL be a Jessica Simpson sex tape. Just a hunch.

There's nothing more satisfying than mixing a chocolate milk in a "Bud Light" pint glass.

Finally, there's a music video station I can enjoy. And I'm in charge. What am I talking about? Yahoo! Launch. I get to choose the videos. And no garbage.

Flip-flops with heels. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one.

After the Memorial Day Weekend downpour, the Red River came up about 6 feet. So, the Oak Grove Frisbee Golf Course now has water hazards. It's made every toss an adventure.

Dr. Robert Atkins pisses me off. Well, I should say, the nationwide obsession with the Atkins diet pisses me off. Nearly every company that makes food jumped on that bandwagon. And some of it is just crazy. Like low-carb milk. It's a travesty, and a sham, and a mockery. It's a traveshamockery. If you want to life a healtier life, do the following. PERMANENTLY change your diet, paying careful attention to how much you consume. EXERCISE. It's doesn't have to be a hardcore workout. Just get off your lazy butt and be physically active on a regular basis. BURGLEFLICKLE!!

I'm starting to get stuff ready to sell on eBay. Can't wait for those big bucks to come rolling in.

Please, put your shirt back on Bill Clement. I'll buy as much Deep Woods OFF as you want.

They say it's impossible to consume an entire gallon of milk in an hour. But I say those who attempt it are not using an appropriate strategy. They try to chug the whole thing quickly. I say, do a double-shot (2 oz) every minute. Give your stomach, and body, time to absorb the milk in small amounts. Then, chug an 8 ounce glass to finish it off. If this doesn't work, then I'll probably agree that it's not doable.

Thanks a lot. You've been a great audience.

Come over to the dark side...

The NBA playoffs have been WAY better than the NHL playoffs this year. And I'm a man who loves hockey and hates basketball. Why has the NBA put out a better product?

1. Minnesota Timberwolves made it all the way to the Western Conference Finals. This was the first year they won a playoff series. They beat Sacramento in 7. They forced Los Angeles to a Game 6, when most people expected the Wolves to lose in at most 5. But the best part about KG and the T-Wolves run? Someone else cared. I watched several playoff games with my buddies John, John, Brian, and Aaron. Going over to the Maxwell's place became almost ritualistic.

2. The Lakers. OK, most people don't like them, and I was rooting against them in the Minnesota series. But I would like to see Payton and Malone finally win. On one condition: they walk off into the sunset after the Finals.

3. Dallas, Colorado, Detroit, Toronto, and Philadelphia all lost in the NHL playoffs. I wanted to see at least one of these teams win it all. Dallas was one and done. Detroit, Colorado, and Toronto left after the second round. And Philly lost in the Eastern Conference Finals.

4. Calgary and Tampa Bay. I'm not Canadian and I'm not from Florida. I just don't care.

5. The commercials for the NBA playoffs. The Black Eyed Peas rewrote the lyrics to their song "Let's Get Retarded" to fit the basketball theme. The song has a great beat, the TV spots feature some of the NBA's greatest legends, and Fergie is a hottie. The other commercials feature the NBA trophy (I have no idea what it's called) as an object of affection. Gary Payton professing his love outside the window. Jermaine O'Neal waiting for her (it?) to get ready in Larry Bird's living room. Clever. I like it.

I was browsing the magazine rack at the grocery store the other day. You know what I saw? "Combat Handguns". Why? First of all, why even publish a magazine like that? Are there so many people out there who find themselves saying, "Gee, I wish I knew more about the current trends and latest developments in the combat handgun industry."? Second, why is it in a grocery store? If I found that magazine in a gun shop, I'd understand. Less so in a bookstore, but still acceptable. But a grocery store? Third, this is North Dakota. The least violent and safest of the 50 states. I'd like to see the look on the cashier's face when someone brings that up to the till.

If you're a female between the ages of 14 and 40, and you DO NOT have your belly button pierced, I would like to meet you. If people like that even exist.

I should really stop watching "The Matrix". I may become even more paranoid than I already am.

I don't know who's dumber. The city of Fargo for putting a stoplight at the corner of 45th Street and 23rd Avenue South, or the people trying to use the shoulder of the road when making a right turn onto 23rd Ave S from the southbound lane on 45th St.

How was Brian's bachelor party? The most fun you could have sober. A good time was had by all.

Remind me to index my blog. So I don't post the same things twice.

Why is it that every time I turn on "The Price is Right", they're playing Plinko. I did it again this morning. That's like 3 times within the last year.

I wonder: are there more Canadians in Hollywood or more Jews? I'm talking about just actors and musicians. I wouldn't be surprised if it's close to a 1:1 ratio.

The thing that's so great about DVD's, and the thing that sucks, are the entire seasons of TV shows being released. For example, no one would by 6 VHS tapes with an entire season of a sitcom, or 10-12 for a drama. With DVD's, you can get that same season on 4 to 6 discs. However, you STILL pay through the nose for them. Volume 2 of Family Guy, with 22 episodes: $40. Any season of CSI: $65-75. Hell, even some DVD players are cheaper than the box sets! Maybe the next generation of video players will put an entire season on a single disc...

Speaking of DVD's, I can't wait for those episodes of "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" from Toronto to come out. If ever. They should really do that.

Gas is now $2/gallon in Fargo. Ow, my ass.

Just as bad: $3.40 for a gallon of milk. It used to be $2.75.

Scrambles!!

We have 5 vending machines in the IACC. Two Coke products, two Pepsi products, and one with snacks. Sometimes, change gets stuck in the coin slot on one of the Pepsi machines. That happened today. At first, I thought it was a quarter. After prying it free, the machine caught it. It was a dime. I hit the coin return and it came out. As I was talking to my friend Ron, I tried to put it in my pocket, only to drop it on the floor and watch it fall beneath the very machine I got it out of.

I wanted that dime. I tried to reach for it and find it. I didn't find it. But I did find a nickel. Then another. Then a penny. Then another penny. And finally, the motherload. A quarter. I came out $0.27 ahead. WOOT!!

I hate Internet Ads. I don't like banners, but I've learned to live with them. Same goes for pop up ads. It's the two newest methods of delivery that piss me off. First, there are the "Pop Over" ads. They're flash animations that show up on top of the contest you're trying to view. WTF? If you want to advertise on a web site, put it out of the way. Don't put it where I'm trying to read. And those ads make you hunt for the Close button. Then there are the newest ads that insert a little video clip. Goddamn it. When one of those appears and the sound starts playing, it gives me a freakin' heart attack. They suck ass.

You seen the previews for this movie "The Terminal"? Is anyone else thinking "Forrest Gump 2"? Instead of being mentally slow, Tom Hanks is inhibited by a language barrier. But he still manages to find happiness. Seems like a good movie, but I dunno...

Turn on ESPN2 Saturday and Sunday nights for Sportscenter en Espanol. It's fun to watch the anchors rattle off in Spanish during the highlights of a baseball game, then having to slow down when they come to a totally normal American name. And the commercials are in Spanish too!! Sweet.

OK, here's my beef with Quidditch. No substitutes. Your team has 7 people, and that's it. You lose one of your players, you're screwed. You have to scramble for a replacement, someone who hasn't been practicing or is prepared. Like asking a random guy in the stands to pinch-run if one of your batters is beaned with a pitch and has to be taken out on a stretcher. And wizards and witches have been playing this game for centuries. You'd think that they were smart enough to account for this.

If you have no idea what I was talking about in that last paragraph, just nod your head, smile, and move on to the next one.

I'm so ready to rip into what's wrong with my place of work, but I'll wait until I don't work there anymore before I do.

Other things to look for: My ULTIMATE Star Trek crew. I'm such a dork. :P

Hi mom!!

Crap, I forgot what I was going to say... Ah, screw it.

Oh, I remember now! I'm thinking of creating a public, group blog. One where you guys can also post stuff. I'll call it "Friends of Fritz". Send me an e-mail if you're interested. pjfritz21@yahoo.com

You know what would be fun? Star Trek's Worf appearing in Trix commercials. Think of it. Maybe some person is enjoying breakfast. He/She offers the cereal to the Klingon. He responds, "I do not want any. Trix are for kids." Hilarious.

The Twins are back on Fox Sports Net. Victory has been defeated. Read all about it.

Speaking of cable TV, this is how it SHOULD work. Every cable channel is either basic or premium, but they ALL work like premium channels. You select which channels you want. You pay for the channels you select, and ONLY those channels. Personally, I'd give Lifetime, any religious channel, The Disney Channel, shopping channels, and the C-SPANs the boot. I think I've watched every other channel I've got at least once.

Please hold for the next available customer service representative...

Shows/Series I'm waiting for on VH1:

Best of Best of Best Week Ever
I Love the 70's Strikes Back
I Love the 30's
I Love July 27, 2001
Return of I Love the 80's
I Love the 2010's

I swear, within like 2 years, they'll be airing that stuff to death.

The saddest thing of all? Yeah, that's right, I'll watch it. :( :P

How does the Twins' Interleague schedule include the Mets, Philly, the Montreal/San Juan/D.C./Vegas/Portland Expos, Milwaukee, and... ARIZONA? Huh?

Clear duct tape. OK, I understand colored duct tape. Those prom outfits and scholarships are pretty damn cool. But clear? That's not right.

I'm so close to done. Yet so far. One more week. Then I'm done with this hellhole. Going to college may end up being one of the best things I've done, and if I had to do it over again, I probably would, but god damn. I've lost almost all respect for this school. Tuition hikes, STS, Division I athletics. Ugh.

Burp.

You know, fruit is kind of hit-and-miss. I'll buy apples or oranges to snack on. And I'll eat them. Until I get one that just doesn't taste right. An apple that's a little overripe, slighty mushy, not firm or sweet enough. An orange that's a little underripe, too firm, bitter. Then I won't buy any for weeks.

My precious flash drive might be failing. My precious... <gollum>Gives us the precious.</gollum>

I think Avril Lavigne puts up a tough front to hide the fragile, delicate girl on the inside. As a performer, of course. And a pop-punk. Or a punk-pop. I think she just needs a hug.

I still want a camera phone. So I can photograph the stupid and silly things I see when I'm driving in my car. As long as I don't have to pay extra for the accessories to download the pics to my computer, so I can put them on the Internet.

You know, being the President, CEO, Project Manager, Senior Programmer, and only employee of your own software company is tough. I got so many ideas, but just a single man to hack out the code to make them work. If only I had some capital to hire people smarter than me. I will have my minions someday.

I want to consume a large quantity of food coloring for the sole purpose of turning my bodily waste an unusual color. I'm sure you don't need, or want, any details. I have to figure out how much I have to drink to see the effects, and whether or not that much straight food coloring is healthy for me.

I need to move to a country without "reality" television shows. I hate them so much. And they keep getting worse. Among the new ones, are the "Reverse American Idol" (I don't know what it's really called, but I don't give a F***!!) and "The Baby Game" (ditto). The former is just like regular "American Idol", but this time they're looking for the next William Hung!! The latter forces 5 married couples to compete for the chance to adopt a teenage mother's infant child. All of it, so very wrong.

Some kid at the University of Massachusetts tore into Pat Tillman, the NFLer turned soldier who recently died in combat in Afghanistan. What an asshole. One, speak well of the dead, especially when he died to protect your right to talk shit about him. Two, what have you done for America lately? Tillman sacrificed more than anyone could have asked for, turning down millions of dollars, playing in the NFL, and putting his life on the line. All for what he thought was right. You insult him, you insult the millions of Americans who's died for this great nation. Excellent quote from University president Jack Wilson about the kid's op-ed piece: "disgusting, arrogant and intellectually immature."

The kid later removed his head from the inside of his body cavity and apologized. He's still a dumbass punk who needs a swift kick in the rear.

I had an OS test on Tuesday. I thought I was ready for it. I was so wrong. I felt I was prepared for the test, but I forgot that this was a Dr. Juell test. You can never be prepared for those. I tried to BS my way through it, hoping to at least get 50 points and keep a C in the class. After I turned it in, he offered me a chance to retake the entire test open book. It would cost me 10 points. I spent a few minutes debating it. Wondering if there were any other strings attached. I retook the test. And I felt much better the second time around. I got them both back today. 78 the first time. 86 the second time. Guess I didn't do as bad as I thought.

I rather enjoy the discussion part of Juell's OS class. My class talks about the problems plaguing modern operating systems (mainly Microsoft) and how the things we learn in lecture apply to solving those problems. It's the lectures themselves that aren't so fun. They're kinda boring, mainly since he talks, and we don't. It's a good thing we discuss first, so we can eat up the first half hour or so. :)

OK, those remaining Weezer lyrics. From "Maladroit"...

---

-- "For the times that you wanna go and/Bust rhymes real slow/I'll appear/slap you on the face and/Enjoy the show" - Dope Nose
-- "Dead on my head/Wasting time on my own/Sleep rescue me/Take me back to my home" - Dope Nose
-- Keep Fishin' (another gem from the pen of Rivers Cuomo) - quite possibly my favorite Weezer song of all, thanks to the awesome video featuring the Muppets

OK, I was only able to deliver 15. Maybe someday, I'll finish the list.

It's bedtime for beautiful people like me. I got a presentation to half-ass in the morning. Later.

So, appearantly, KFC is a big fat lie. The first Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant was in UTAH!! As Carrie would say, "I know, tell me about it!"

Ed. Note: I have since been told that my source on this fact was incorrect. I checked it out on Wikipedia, and confirmed that the first KFC was not opened in Utah. Full Details - PFritz21, 8/21/05 5:12 PM.

I got a small Oreo Blizzard at Dairy Queen the other day. It cost me $3.17 (including tax). To be honest, I paid $1.49 for the Blizzard, and an extra $1.50 for the ass raping.

I hate people who treat animals like people. Like dressing up their dogs in cute little outfits. Or doggy yoga. Or bottled water for dogs. You people should be shot.

There's this new trend in Britian. You take your Bluetooth wireless device to find people to have anonymous sex with. Isn't technology great?

Were you as excited about Iron Chef America as I was? And then as disappointed as I was when you actually saw it? They took everything that was great about the original Japanese show and amputated it. It's an empty shell of its former greatness. So very wrong. A complete rant on this some time next week...

Great Weezer lyrics from the Green Album:

---

-- "If you want it/you can have it/But you've got to learn to reach out there and grab it" - Photograph
-- "And though my heart will break/There's more that I could take/I could never get enough" - Photograph
-- Island in the Sun (the whole song is great)

Uh oh. 3 + 6 + 3 = 12. I promised 20. I think I'm going to fall short by about 5 or 6. Oops.

In the words of Adam Sandler, "ALRIGHT ALREADY!!"

Although I'm not a big fan of basketball, and I detest the NBA, I would like to see the Minnesota Timberwolves go all the way. KG is an amazing player. He definitely deserves the MVP. And with Latrell Spreewell, Sam Cassell, and Michael Olowokandi joining Wally Szczerbiak as the supporting cast, they have the skill to not only get out of the first round of the playoffs, but to go all the way to the Finals. And win.

I watched "The Breakfast Club" the other night. Is this what passed for a great movie 20 years ago? I wasn't impressed. The romantic ties between Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald and Emilio Estevez and Ally Sheedy seemed tacked on at the end (although the latter was a little more believable). The conversation between Mr. Vernon the Principal and Carl the Janitor could have been extended more. I guess the movie wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that good either.

Ever see that Nike commercial where Lance Armstrong is a boxer and Andre Agassi is playing for the Boston Red Sox? I want to know how they did that!! It looked so realistic. Randy Johnson bowling that strike. Marion Jones hitting her vault. And they should make a sequel to that commercial. My suggestions: an MLB star and an NBA star as an NFL quarterback and wide receiver, a hockey player on the golf course (most hockey players ARE good golfers), Tiger Woods trying a few different sports. I'm just throwing out ideas here.

OK, those Weezer lyrics from Pinkerton:

---

-- "I think I'd be good for you and you'd be good for me" - El Scorcho
-- "How stupid is it?/I can't talk about it/I gotta sing about it/and make a record of my heart" - El Scorcho
-- "For all I know you want me too/and maybe you just don't know what to do/or maybe you're scared to say/'I'm falling for you'" - El Scorcho
-- "I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon." - El Scorcho (notice a pattern yet?)
-- "If everyone's a little queer/can't she be a little straight?" - Pink Triangle
-- "Screw this crap, I've had it!" - The Good Life

That's 9 so far by my count. The Green Album is on deck.

OK, I'm back. Finally. I tried to do this blog thing because I thought it would be fun, after less than 3 weeks, it's become a burden of work. Just like my web site. I want to work on it, but I'm not patient enough to sit down and type for a half hour every night. *SHRUG*

I've got so much to say, but I always forget. I should write these things down...

I saw "Miracle" last night. Wow. Sure, I knew the ending, but it really hit me emotionally. Even before the start of the game against the Russians, I was getting choked up; wanting, hoping the US to win. It was a great movie. About as good as you could get, but it probably didn't even carry 1/1000th of the emotion of the actual situation.

It rained today. YAY!! I don't have to wash my car.

The Twins are back in first. It's where they belong. Still 150 to go...

Oops, I just noticed my 4/10 post only has 9 movies listed, instead of the 10 I promised. "Kill Bill" takes up that last spot.

OK, those Weezer lyrics. Let's start with the Blue Album. Here they are... (all lyrics by Rivers Cuomo)

---

-- "If you want to destroy my sweater/Hold this thread as I walk away" - Undone (The Sweater Song)
-- "Dear Daddy/I write you in spite of years of silence./You've cleaned up, found Jesus,/things are good or so I hear./This bottle of Steven's/awakens ancient feelings./Like father, stepfather, the son is drowning in the flood." - Say It Ain't So
-- "Oh no! What do I do?/Don't look now but I lost my shoe" - Buddy Holly

That's 3. 17 to go. Expect Pinkerton lyrics in the next post.

I'm not asking for much in life right now. Just a job after I graduate, someone to love, and a few thousand dollars to buy some neat toys. Um, that's not much, right?

Scotty, beam me out.

Congratulations to the 2004 Masters Champion, Phil Mickelson. Way to go, Lefty!!

P2P file-sharing networks are wrong. Computer viruses are wrong. But computer viruses that attack the web sites of companies that make P2P file-sharing software: NOT WRONG.

The Tigers leading the AL Central? WTF? Well, they should win at least 50 games this year. :)

A friend of mine got engaged this weekend. Another one bites the dust.

Fun music videos: almost anything by Weezer, D12's "My Band", The Darkness's "I Believe in a Thing Called Love", Yellowcard's "Ocean Avenue", The Black Eyed Peas' "Hey Mama", Nickelback's "Figured You Out", Jason Mraz's "You and I Both", and John Mayer's "Clarity".

Speaking of Weezer: a list of my top 20 favorite lyrics coming later this week (if I can ever narrow it down to 20).

I love soda. That intoxicating, brown, sweet, carbonated, caffeinated liquid. Just stick it in my vein!!

Oh, look, it's "Gary & Mike". They should bring that to DVD...

I'm outta here.

OK, here's a short list of about 10 movies I want to see and why (no particular order):

1. The Girl Next Door - Elisha Cuthbert is hot, and the movie looks pretty good. And Cuthbert is hot.
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Let's face it. Jim Carrey is hilarious. He should have gotten an Oscar for "Man on the Moon". He should get one for this movie. Oh, and it has Kirsten Dunst, and she's hot.
3. Jersey Girl - Kevin Smith grows up and writes a more mature movie. Good for him. This movie KINDA stole my idea, but it did it really well. Affleck is good, Carlin has a sharp wit, and Liv Tyler takes a shower (while half-naked).
4. Walking Tall - The Rock beats people with a 4x4 piece of wood. Cool. And that part where he scares the guy into running into that support beam. I want to be able to do that.
5. Miracle - It has hockey. It has Americans beating the Russians. It has Kurt Russell doing a damn fine job of being Herb Brooks. U! S! A!
6. Starsky and Hutch - A buddy cop action comedy. With Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. Need I say more?
7. Spider-Man 2 - The first one was amazing. The casting was perfect, the action intense, and the Kirsten Dunst. The second one looks to be more of the same, but better.
8. The Punisher - "You can't kill me, I'm already dead." One pissed-off guy with nothing else to lose brings punishment to the one who wronged him. Something I'd like to do very much. And was that Rebecca Romjin-Stamos? She looks good (which is rare).
9. Hellboy - Another movie based on a Marvel comic. It's kinda way out there, but the casting looks pretty good. Same goes for the action.

OK, so those aren't the best choices in the world. It's my money. I'll spend it however I wish, thank you very much.

Onto new business...

The Dallas Stars are screwed. They aren't getting past the first round. They can't win on the road, or get the offensive support they need. And Marty just can't cut it in goal during crunch time. I blame him for not winning the cup. Next season (whenever that will be) doesn't look too good either.

I really gotta get some homework done this weekend. Boo.

This is a test.

Damn, I've run out of things to say. Which angers me, cuz I got a lot to say. I just forgot all of it. Oh well. Save it for later.

Oh, what a night.

We had our last session of co-ed intramural hockey last night. After playing like crap the first half of the pick-up game, I came back to score four goals and get an assist. Each time I scored, I was standing in front of the net cleaning up the garbage. I don't know how I found the back of the net so many times. I guess I just got those lucky bounces.

When we were done playing, we went over to Mick's Office in Moorhead. And we sat there and drank. We all got drunk. I had about 6 beers. We told stories about drinking, hockey, drinking, bodily injury, drinking, and puking. Then, as the bar started to close for the night, we decide to get something to eat. We go the the Fry'n Pan and ordered breakfast (except me, I got a Turkey Club with fries). No one got home until 3:30 AM!!

Joe Mauer needs knee surgery. He's going to be out at least three weeks. That Pierzynski trade is looking more and more like a brilliant move...

I need a new alarm clock. And I'm really only looking for two features. I want one with a CD player and a digital radio tuner. Is that really too much to ask? It must be, 'cuz the cheapest one I could find was over $50. Maybe Target has cheaper ones.

About time. The Twins took fifteen (15!) innings to beat Cleveland 7-6. But it was an ugly game. Mauer and Hunter both left the game with injuries. Santana only lasted 4 innings. No one could come through in a clutch situation. It's going to be a long season. Magic number: 160.

Here's how you can have fun in the kitchen:
1. Buy some ham (preferably between 1/8 and 1/4 of an inch thick)
2. Fry it in a pan
3. Take a fork and orient it so the tines are parallel to the surface of the ham
4. Press the tines against the ham
5. Listen for the high-pitched squealing sounds
6. Laugh

Deep Space Nine is the Zelda 2 of the Star Trek Universe. Huh? That's right, you heard me.

I want to see a movie. Doesn't matter as long as I think it looks half-decent. A more detailed list of what I'd be willing to see to come later in the week.

Tired and at a lost for words, I'm done. Press me with the tines of a fork and hear me squeal.

It's Opening Day. The real Opening Day. And geez. The Twins had to come back from being down by 4 to win. In extra innings. Against Cleveland. Joe Mauer led off the bottom of the ninth with the game tied at 4. And he didn't end it with a shot into the seats. Pierzynski would have. OK, so I'm still bitter about that trade. Joe < A.J. He's a good kid, but he's still a kid. He can't even drink yet. Hell, I'm more than 2 years older than him.

But I shouldn't complain. Minnesota did win. Hunter didn't choke in a pressure situation (about damn time too). He tied the game in the eighth with a single that scored Mientkiewicz. Mauer made the tag at the plate to get Lawton out on Vizquel's double in the top of the 11th. And Shannon Stewart sent the fans hope happy with a three-run homer with 2 down in the bottom half of the inning. Only 161 more to go...

The vending machine that I like to frequent before class and during work no longer has Pepsi's with the iTunes caps. They switched back to the 1 in 6 chance to win a "Buy One, Get One Free." I'm so angry, although I've run out of songs I want to download. It's the principle, man!!

OK, about that review of Weezer's DVD, "Video Capture Device". The easiest thing to do would be to mention what I DID NOT like about it.

1. Navigating the Scene Selection menu. Each time you move the cursor up and down, the song playing in the background changes. And you have to wait for the song to load. ?? Here would have been the better option: one song for navigating the main menu on the left side. When you move the cursor to the sub-menu on the right, THEN change the song.

2. I guess this is more of a "1A." If the menu navigation was as I proposed, then it wouldn't be so bad. What am I talking about? Turning on the commentary. It takes over a minute to do so. It's the fifth option down on the main Scene Selection menu. So, you have to press down on the remote, wait for a different song to load and start playing before you can move the cursor again. And after you turn the commentary on, the cursor returns to the top of the menu (Music Videos). So, if you wanted to turn the commentary for a live performance on the third page of the "Documentary, B-Roll, and Live Stuff" submenu, you're going to want to beat your head against the wall before the whole thing is done.

3. Commentary problems:
3a. Where's Rivers? He's the frontman. I'm sure he has a lot to say about his band. It's his band (although I don't want to take away from Pat, Brian, Scott, Matt, and Mikey). He should have been there.
3b. Did anyone know who was talking when during the commentary? I sure didn't. I don't know if it was Pat or Scott or Karl (the band's video documentarian) half the time. The only time you KNEW who was talking and when someone said something like "there I am" when they were on screen.
3c. A minor, but very noticeable thing. During the commentary, the normal audio plays back at about half-volume. Not bad. But in the case of the "El Scorcho [Director's Cut]" video, the song suddenly (well, it seemed sudden) became off-synch with the video by a couple of seconds. Oops.

4. Not really a problem with DVD. Or maybe it is. Karl Koch threw some footage together for the "Slob" video. I don't like that song. It sounds so final. I hear that, and I'm all "Geez, these guys sound like they're break up, just forget the whole music thing, and get real jobs." It's so depressing in that angry kind of way. You know, they way you get when something good is over and you never wanted it to stop.

5. Not enough footage from televised performances. The only one they had was their August 4th, 1995 appearance on the Late Show with David Lettermann. What about any appearances stemming from the release of the Green Album and their return to stardom? Side note: I never saw their May 19th, 2001 performance of "Island in the Sun" on SNL. Comedy Central doesn't include that when they show that episode. That song totally renewed my interest in the band. Side note: I wish Comedy Central would show SNL again instead of Mad TV. Expect for any John Madden sketch, Mad TV sucks. I watch so much less Comedy Central now. I'd rather see a truncated, hour-long episode of SNL that I've seen 20 times than any complete episode of Mad TV.

Other than the above qualms, it's great. I can't stop watching the music videos. I even captured the audio from some of them and convert them into MP3's so I could listen to them on my computer. It's a cheap, acceptable alternative to buying the CD's for now. The live footage and such was kinda interesting. I would have like to have seen some more TV performances. And I love El Scorcho, Dope Nose, Pink Triangle, and Photograph, all of which I heard for the first time ever. The best part: owning a legal copy of one of the two best music videos of all time ("Keep Fishin'", the other being the Darkness's "I Believe in a Thing Called Love").

Wow, long post. That's a wrap people.

I'm waiting for Gary & Mike to come on Comedy Central. Until then, I wrote this.

There is definitely a trade-off between trying to keep your music collection legit and increasing its size. Money. If I had more, I'd buy a bunch of CD's. But I don't. And I'd kinda like to save it for more expensive computer toys. Free iTunes from the 20 oz. Pepsi bottles helped for a while, but I can't find anything else to download. I've been using them in situations where I only want a single song off of an album. I kinda hit the bottom of the barrel at the 30-song mark. Of course, I could download tons of illegal songs, but I don't want to mess with the RIAA or my school. So, until then, I have to stick with the 450 I got.

Who does farm chores while wearing a suit? I mean, really? You ever catch a glimpse of "Green Acres" while channel surfing? I did. Wow. What were the writers thinking? Or smoking?

So, about that iTunes vs. Winamp thing. Here it is...

Pros of iTunes:
---------------
**Play count keeps track of how many times each song has been played
**Playlists show more info
**You know when the last time a song was played
**iTunes Music Store - the only place to buy and download songs off the Internet (all others are vastly inferior)
**Smart playlists (although not so much a factor now cuz I don't have more than 15 songs by any one band

Pros of Winamp:
---------------
**Skins - particularly support for 2.0 skins (Winamp 3 sucked because it didn't support/properly display my TwinsAmp skin)
**Better keyboard shortcuts - my favorite is Ctrl-V (Stop after current)
**Minimizes to the system tray
**Less of a memory hog (about 1/4 the size of iTunes)
**Separate stop and pause buttons

Sorry that doesn't look very pretty. But I'm not allowed to create a table to put that stuff in...

Well, Gary and Mike is about to start in a couple of minutes. And I've run out of things to say.

Next time: a complete review of Weezer's DVD, "Video Capture Device"!!

I bought a new toothbrush today. An Oral-B Plus Advantage. Using it has been the most enjoyable experience I've had in the field of oral hygiene. It's got these bristles on the outside of the head that massage your gums as you brush. It was a strange, yet pleasent feeling. I'm also starting to floss, and use mouthwash occasionally, even though my tongue feels like it's on fire afterwards.

I cleaned my keyboard today. This is the first time I've given it a proper cleaning. Taking apart all the way and using rubbing alcohol and Q-tips to clean it out thoroughly. It took about 2 hours. It's probably the last time I'll take my keyboard apart. The screws are starting to get a little stripped, and the plastic screw threads from the holes are starting to break.

As soon as I balance my checkbook and determine how I want to budget for some new toys (Mac, Linux, iPod, laptop, wireless network equipment, digital camera, etc), I must buy Weezer CDs. Pinkerton, the Green Album, and Maladroit, plus the Keep Fishin' single (it has the radio edit featured in the music video). I can't stop listening to them. I've practically lost interest in listening to the rest of my music. Rivers writes such great lyrics, the guitars fit the songs well, Pat does a nice job on drums, and the emotion is intense. Yeah, I think they're my new all-time favorite band. Not that I really had one to begin with...

I got a bunch of C++ to write tomorrow. I've been slacking in my self-paced C++ class lately. I've been more focused on my project. I've got about 8 programs to write for 2 assignments (one of which was due nearly a month ago). And all the stuff we're supposed to learn from these programs, I've already learned on my own from working on my project.

I should call my friends Carrie and Sandy. I think I will.

Next issue: Apple's iTunes vs. Nullsoft's Winamp!!