Sunday, December 28, 2008

It's a start...

David Alan Grier may never be an acceptable substitute for Dave Chappelle, but his two-minute rants at the beginning of each episode? Comedy gold AND pure truth.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

No, sir, I didn't like it

The new Pepsi logo is ugly.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

What can you do?

Barack Obama is being inaugurated next month. I'm not thrilled about that result (another story for another day), but there is one thing that bothers me about the whole thing. There are these ads on TV, trying to hawk commemorative coins and plates about this historic moment in American history. I'm a little disgusted by the fact that people are trying to advantage of the situation and make a quick buck.

Then I remember that I'm a conservative and a big fan of the free market system. If I moan and bitch, I'm a hypocrite. What can I do? The same thing I do about Wal-Mart, Disney, and Michael Moore films. Just not buy it. It's a free market, baby.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Room for one more?

If Minnesota keeps playing the way they have all season, with Adrian Peterson being such a stud and that talented defense, I MIGHT have to hop onto the Vikings bandwagon.

I may not like the Vikings, but they certainly have my respect...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Global Decree #87321

When I take over the world, Hugh Laurie will have to speak in his American accent at all times.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

What next?

Even after the last three amazing months, where things have just been getting better and better (and better and better), I'm still left with one burning question...

Out of Omar, Jennifer, Jesse, Peter, Kal, and Olivia, who's staying and who's going after this year? Are they all going to stay? They going to change the opening sequence at any point?

This is going to bother me until I get my answer...
So, Nintendo wants me to buy a DS because it was able to teach Lisa Kudrow how to make kung-pow chicken... Yeah...

And who is that little girl is assisting her in the kitchen? Lisa has a son, not a daughter...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

If the Empire wanted to destroy the moon Yavin 4 and the rebel base on it, why didn't they just to go THROUGH the planet Yavin by blowing it up with the Death Star, instead of just waiting to come around its orbit?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Well, there's your problem

They had it up until the point that Amber and James were crying.

Remy's discovery and Lawrence's past were not forced in; I felt they fit in nicely into the story.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

We're #1

Final Score:

United States of America - 110
People's Republic of China - 100*

*NOTE: Until proven beyond a doubt that those gymnasts were all of legal competitve age.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I bet the Janitor's name is John Dorian. Wouldn't that be ironic?

If you're curious, I'm willing to wager a five-spot on it.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Oh, it's on!

Unfortunately, I don't get G4 on basic cable in Fargo. Such a disappointment, 'cuz I'm really missing out.

G4 has X-Play, featuring the lovely Morgan Webb. Queen of all the geeks... until now...

Olivia Munn has two things going for her where she's got Morgan beat.

1. Morgan is married. Olivia is single.
2. This!

There is only one way to settle this battle for supremacy. It involves one member of the Spirit Squad, a set of children's golf clubs, a Nerf football, Peter Pan chunky extra crispy peanut butter, and a Waffle House omelette. YOU figure that one out.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Well played, clerks...

So, people in the present who are looking to obtain a time machine will sometimes resort to leaving messages for future generations to be a time-space location (be at location A at time X), then wait for someone with a time machine to travel back to time X in an effort to steal said time machine.

Still with me? Good.

However, it hasn't worked (so far, to my knowledge). But I think I know how to fix that.

I have to cause an event that makes it necessary for someone in the future to travel back in time to ensure that I cause my event, or else that time traveler will not exist as he does in the future.


I do event A. A causes event B. B causes event C. C directly effects time traveler T in a profound manner, so much so that T comes back in time to when I do event A, to make sure event A happens.

T shows up in my time, I beat his ass, and then I take his time machine.

Now, to determine what I do that direct effects T... Anyone got a time machine?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Welcome to Cooperstown

Jim Edmonds: amazing center field defense, World Series ring, AND 378 home runs? If he can make it to 400 (he turned 38 less than two months ago), I say let him in. I don't see how you can argue with that.

Friday, August 8, 2008

This is why you have to close the borders...

Mexican cartels grow pot in U.S. national forests

You don't have to be a recovering alcoholic rodeo clown to realize this...

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Saturday, August 2, 2008

"The moment you stop learning to play golf is the moment you stop playing golf." - Jeff Kennedy, 7/17/08

I don't know if that's an original Jeff Kennedy quote, but it sure sounded good.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

This is why I love Ice-T as a cop. He's just so damn good...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

More like "how do they know?"

I was bored this morning, so I went to Wikipedia and saw this in the "Did you know" section:

"The red-purple coloured inedible mushroom Russula sardonia has a hot peppery taste"

Well, if the Russula sardonia mushroom is inedible, then how do you know what it tastes like? More importantly, who's the idiot that goes around eating inedible mushrooms so they can catalogue that data in Wikipedia?

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

I still think it's a fluke. Only 3 back with 70 to go? No way that should have happened.

But Minnesota got lucky. Cleveland is playing like crap (and have essentially given up by trading C.C. Sabathia). Detroit might finally be getting on track. Chicago is playing out of their mind, but with Ozzie at the helm, it could all go down the crapper in an instant.

However, I'm willing to admit, the Twins MIGHT not be half-bad. And if they finish the season with a winning record, I'll say it. I was wrong. In fact, I kinda do want to see them succeed, so I'd be a man about it and tell people that I was wrong.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Ooh, shiney...

Leonard, you have excellent taste in women. I can't blame you for taking an interest in her. Beautiful, nice, sweet, amazing, fun. I tip my hat to you, sir.

I hope to one day find my shiny Penny...

Monday, May 12, 2008

Three thoughts on the music scene...

So, Jessica Simpson started as a singer, then successfully transitioned into the role of Hollywood actress. Her little sister Ashlee started out as an actress (as a reoccurring character on 7th Heaven), then crashed and burned as a singer. I think there's some significance there, but I can't put my finger on it (other than those two should shut up and just look pretty, even though the elder Simpson wins that one too...).

Rivers, I love you. And there was a time that I'd worship the ground you walk on. But seriously? A cowboy hat and mustache? I know Heath is dead, but I don't think they're looking for actors for Brokeback Mountain 2 yet. One or the other is fine, but dude, please not both.

I hope that one day, some idiot (read: executive) at MTV doesn't say to himself, "You know what would be awesome? A blink-182 reunion for the MTV VMA's!" 'Cuz you know no one at MTV is going to have the balls to say "NO!"

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Are you mad?

I've always said the worst thing any human being could ever do was attempt to produce a big-budget remake of or sequel to Ferris Bueller's Day Off. It would drive this country to civil war.

But a remake or sequel of WarGames would be almost as bad...

Saturday, April 19, 2008


Congratulations to Danica Patrick, winner of the Indy Japan 300 at Twin Rings Motegi.

I hope it's the first of many, Danica.

My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades...

I don't know what I'm looking forward to most the last week of April, moving in my new apartment or Mario Kart Wii...

Monday, April 7, 2008

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

Congratulations to the 2008 NCAA Men's Basketball National Champions, The University of Kansas Jayhawks.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

PFritz21.NET MFFA AP/Coaches Poll

Note: First-place votes are listed in parentheses:

1. Travis (2)
2. Chris (1)
3t. Greg
3t. Jeff
5. Vern

Others receiving votes: Glenn, Duane, Clint

Friday, January 18, 2008

Far beyond gone

How did I get here, and what went wrong?

I guess it started after I turned 11 and started paying attention to girls. For almost 16 years, I've been obsessing about finding one. Like my life is going to be incomplete without finding that one special person. It's the only thing I want right now. I'm miserable. Finding someone will make me happy. I'm absolutely, positively guaranteed of it.

I thought I found her too. How could I be such an idiot and let a stupid little thing like religion stop us from being together...?

And everyone else knows it too. Friends, family members, co-workers. "You need a woman." Yeah, duh. Wish they'd actually do something about it. They talk about hooking me up, but I don't get no love.

Yet they also keep telling me "you're going to find her when you least expect, when you're not looking for her." I'm sorry, but that just doesn't make any sense to me. You find things be LOOKING for them. You just don't sit around and wait for things to find you. And it's easy for them to say that; they're done searching.

North Dakota isn't the best place to search. People seem to find each other at a younger age. Get married young, start families young, break up young (I want to avoid baggage like ex's and kids, if at all possible...). I need to get out of Dodge...

I'm tired of seeing couples everywhere I look. Even it would only be for one day, I want to connect with someone, be with someone, be there for someone.

It'd be so much easier if women were property. I'm not saying that they should be, but if they were, all I'd have to do is buy one. I can buy things. But not happiness...

Jump in the water
Jump in with me
Jump on the altar
Lay down with me

My hardest question
To answer is


Someone save me if you will
And take away all these pills
And please just save me, if you can
From the blasphemy in my wasteland

Some one save me
Some one save me
Some one save me
Somebody save me
Somebody save me
Please don't erase me

- Save Me, Shinedown

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Truer words have never been spoken

"I don't need to manage my anger, I need people to stop ticking me off!" - Red Green
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