Saturday, October 29, 2005

That one decision

Travis has been spreading the seeds of doubt, even from 1500+ miles away.

Several of his acquaintances have been comtemplating that one decision that changed their lives forever, and whether they'd make the same choice again. Like his sister and his friend Bianca.

As a frequent reader of his web site and the blogs he hosts, I saw these posts earlier in the week and thought about it. Have I really made any decision that affected my life in a momentous way? Decisions I regreted? I moved out the Marshall Islands when I was 15. Not my choice. Going to NDSU? Well, there were some things I didn't like about that, but I'd say I'm pretty much happy with that selection. Back surgery? I do wish I had that one back, but see previous statement about that. Job-related? No, I liked my previous jobs, even though none of them have turned out to be permanent yet.

There were many, MANY small-to-medium decisions I always find myself regretting. But none of them life-altering.

Oddly enough, Spike TV is airing the episode of Star Trek TNG where Picard's old archeology professor wants him to leave the Enterprise to go on a quest to make the biggest discovery ever. Picard reflects on his decision to explore space and become a starship captain over an archeologist. Picard did not regret this decision, but he did feel bad for having to say no to his mentor.

Then I thought of it. That one decision I wish I could have back.

Her name is Carrie.

I let a stupid little thing like religion and parental approval keep us apart. She's Mormon; I'm not. Maybe our parents would have given their permission. My folks liked her. Her mom liked me (I never got a clear signal either way from her dad). I think we would have had their support. But I was too scared. If anyone objected, it probably would have been my dad. He's not too fond of Mormons in general. And I didn't want to lose his support.

So, we never got together. She went off and married some other guy. Swell guy, I hear.

And I continue to be miserable. And believe that I will be until I do find someone. And she'd have to be pretty damn special to make me end the regret.

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