How the mighty have fallen...

OK, forgive me. It is a phrase I use quite often, but in this case, it's so true.

David E. Kelley was once the King Midas of Hollywood. Everything he touched was gold. Producing great shows like L.A. Law; Doogie Howser, M.D.; Picket Fences; Chicago Hope; Ally McBeal; The Practice; and Boston Public. Some of the best one-hour dramas. On top of the freakin' world. Unstoppable.

Then he threw it all to hell. He decided to make that piece of crap "Girls Club". Never heard of it? Doesn't surprise me. It was basically an "Ally McBeal" x 3. Only lasted a few episodes before FOX cancelled it.

In the words of New Found Glory, "And it's all downhill from here". After that one, they started dropping like flies. After 2 seasons, his shows were practically gone from all the networks.

Now, he's resorted to an Apprentice-style show about lawyers. Trying real cases.

You should have quit while you were ahead, buddy. It's only a matter of time before your wife Michelle leaves you.

OK, most people are probably going to tell you that Driven was not a very good movie. I don't think it's that bad. I find it very watchable. Decent. My only real problem with it is how buddy-buddy everyone is at the end of the movie. Over the course of 2 races and a few weeks, everyone becomes best friends after several months of passionate disdain.

Let's face it, Ashton and Demi are for real. There's no trickery involved. However, I don't buy Katie and Tom. My question is: Who's going to be Punk'd? No, seriously. I wonder if Vegas has odds on this.

Nearly two and a half months have gone by. And those damn Pale Hosers are still leading the A.L. Central. They're winning on luck, not skill. Playing way above their expected win-loss ratio. Just crash and burn already. Then we can end the formality of the regular season and move on to October, so we can crown the eventual A.L. Central champion Minnesota Twins.

Solve for X: Apple + Intel = X.

Whoever went to town on Lindsay Lohan with the ugly stick should be shot.

Is it just me, or is McAfee releasing a new DAT file for their VirusScan program every day now? Damn virus writers. I hope they get a virus. Preferably Ebola.

Go team!

If they haven't already done so, the University of Wisconsin should make this rockin' tune their school fight song. Or at least play it ad naseum at their home games.

A great warrior has fallen

Goodbye, my Champion Eagle. You served me well. Your stories of conquest on the courses of Fargo-Moorhead will live on forever.

Random acts of mindless blogging

You should never complain about a friend's wedding. There's a very good chance that you'd come off as self-centered. It's about them, not you.

Teal'c does not make a very good cowboy. In fact, he looks quite gay (as in homosexual) dressed as such.

For the record, Darth Vader said, "No, I am your father."

A.J. Foyt has been reading my blog...

OK, I'm going to assume you're familiar with how the uvula is normally shaped. A little round thing at the end. Mine is not shaped that way. It's more of a stalagtite.

I'm almost rid of this damn cold I've had for the last two weeks, but now I think my taste buds are all FUBARed from the many cough drops I was sucking down.

Answer #1

Boston Red Sox manager Terry Francona does indeed own a jersey. #47. He just chooses to wear a jacket or pullover instead. Many thanks to Fenway Ambassador Nick for responding to my e-mail query.

No news on Ron Gardenhire.

Waiting for the answers to life's greatest questions...

OK, I've sent e-mails to the Minnesota Twins and Boston Red Sox, asking if their respective managers, Ron Gardenhire and Terry Francona, own jerseys. Every time I see Gardenhire on TV, he's wearing a jacket, with appearently no jersey on underneath. Francona is usually in some sort of turtleneck or sweatshirt or something.

When I know something, you'll know something.

Start your engines

OK, I usually don't use my blog for social commentary and such, but I will today.

The hype this month in the world of auto racing was about Indy Car sensation Danica Patrick. A rookie from Illinois. A female (and cute too). She qualifies 4th for one of the world's greatest races, the Indy 500.

I'm more of a NASCAR guy. Have I not mentioned that before? I recognize way more names. I can roll of a long list of drivers, their numbers, and their primary sponsors. I'm a fan of most drivers. Dale Jr., Jarrett, Kahne, Biffle, Stewart. I don't like Jeff Gordon and his padawan Jimmie Johnson, 'cuz their so dominating.

And I kinda hate Robby Gordon. He's not very good, always crashes, kind of an asshole. And I especially don't respect him after he talks smack about Danica, saying that she has an unfair advantage cuz she's like at least 80 pounds lighter than any other driver and the IRL should change the rules to take that advantage away. This is a guy who's done IRL, and has raced in the last for Indy 500's, but not this year. So why is he even talking?

I'll turn on the race on Sunday. I want to see my guys win. But instead of the normal NASCAR, I turned to ABC to watch the Indy 500. I wanted to see how Danica would fair. And I really wanted to see her win.

Anyways, Danica starts and finishes fourth at the Brickyard, despite stalling in the pit, an accident that damaged her right front wing, and falling as far back as 16th. She was even leading with 6 laps to go. (Full story here). More importantly, she proved that she belongs with the boys out on the race track. She didn't win this time, but she will win that race some day. She will get some of that sweet milk. Mmm... milk...

Excuse me. Now, Danica's current and possible future success get me thinking. What if she became pregnant? I really doubt she'd would engage in such a dangerous sport while with child. I would think that her racing carrer would be on hold for probably 2 years (she'd probably miss a portion of each of 2 seasons). And that's per child she wishes to have (FYI: she's engaged to be married).

Then I start thinking on a grander scale. How does pregnancy affected women in all professional sports? Like WNBA players? Soccer players? NCAA athletes? At what point in their pregnancy do they stop competing to take care of their bodies? Does their athletic condition provide for any advantages (e.g. less complications during pregnancy). When do they choose to come back? Or, like other professional women, do they put off having a family to further their career. Have studies been done on this sort of thing? If not, I would be very interested in conducting such a study. Unfortunately, this would be a long-term study that I'm not patient enough for. And you can't just make someone pregnant for your own gain (I doubt there would be any athletes who would want to be pregnant with my kid for the sole purpose of being my guinea pig).

So, I guess that's all I have to say about that.

Oh, one more thing about Danica. She's going to do one of two thing with her success. She can lift the sport of open-wheel racing and IRL back to its former glory. Which will be hard, since NASCAR is the king of auto racing in America. Or, after success in IndyCar, she can jump to NASCAR and try finding success at that level. That can mean many more sponsorship dollars. If she's even interested in money.

No matter what happens, I wish that girl the best of luck in the 2005 IRL season and her entire career. Go get 'em, Sport.

On sale this week at Target...

OK, two things about my trip to Target this morning.

A: So, all these states are placing restrictions on the number of Pseudoephedrine cold pills you can buy in a day, since it's one of the primary ingredients in making Meth. OK, fine. Like you can only buy like one box a day. Fine. But I don't think it helps that you can buy a box of 96 generic store-brand tablets. I don't know how many pills it would normally take, but I would think that you'd also want to limit the number of pills in a box.

B: Hershey's is offering a low-carb Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Why? If you're the type of person who bought into the low-carb hype, I would think that you shouldn't be eating candy to begin with. What's worse, the candy was twice the price of a normal Reese's. Which is why I hate that whole diet-craze in the first place. The only place you can expect to lose weight is in your wallet. These people who buy into this crap are like lemmings, just running towards a cliff. It's just wrong.

The answer to the $64,000 question is...

(in no particular order)

Katherine Heigl, Kirsten Dunst, Elisha Cuthbert, Jessica Biel, Heather Graham, Tyra Banks, Lindsey Lohan, Summer Sanders, Amanda Tapping, Danica Patrick.