It's not "D12 with Eminem" or "D12 featuring Eminem". It's just plain "D12". He's a founding member. He never left his band. Yes, his solo career took off, but he's still one of the six guys in the group. Got it? Good.

In theaters on July, it's the latest piece of garbage from M. Night Whatshisname. How is this man allowed to continue writing and directing movies? And who are these people who think that his movies are good? I saw "The Sixth Sense." Absolutely horrible. What a waste.

If you like sports, you should really check out Bill Simmons' columns in ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com's Page 2. He knows what he's talking about. The best parts are his ramblings and his mailbag. It's almost like we share a brain (and he uses better and more often than I do).

I can't wait to see Eli Manning crash and burn. What an asshole. Yes, I know the draft was like 6 weeks ago. No, this is nothing like John Elway. Yes, he also wanted to be traded from the team that drafted him, but he had a fallback occupation. If the Colts never gave him his trade, he could have just went to play baseball for the New York Yankees. Thank god that never happened.

OK, here's that ultimate Star Trek crew I promised a long time ago. Rules are as follows: 10 crew members, no one is dead, ranks are as of the character's last appearance in any episode or movie, and no "Enterprise" since that show sucks and fubars the entire Star Trek Universe.

-- Admiral Janeway. By adding an admiral, I can keep this former captain.
-- Captain Picard. Toss up here. I take Picard in peacetime, but like Sisko in wartime.
-- First Officer Cmdr. Riker. He beats out Chakotay as my favorite XO.
-- Chief Medical Officer Voyager's EMH-1 Holographic Doctor. He's the most quirky. And he's got attitude. Bashir comes in at a close 2nd.
-- Chief Engineer Lt. Cmdr. LaForge. I trust no one else with a ship's engines.
-- Conn Officer Lt. (JG) Paris. Best pilot in Starfleet.
-- Chief of Security Lt. Cmdr. Worf. It's a good day to die.
-- Science Officer Lt. Cmdr. Jadzia Dax.
-- Operations Officer Lt. Cmdr. Data. By including separate Science and Operations Officers, I get both Jadzia and Data. IOW: I cheated! :P
-- Astrometrics Officer Seven of Nine. Have you seen what she looks like?

Honorable Mentions: Neelix, Tuvok, McCoy (aka Bones), Quark, Kim.

I'm such a dork. Hee hee.

I'm calling it right now. There WILL be a Jessica Simpson sex tape. Just a hunch.

There's nothing more satisfying than mixing a chocolate milk in a "Bud Light" pint glass.

Finally, there's a music video station I can enjoy. And I'm in charge. What am I talking about? Yahoo! Launch. I get to choose the videos. And no garbage.

Flip-flops with heels. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one.

After the Memorial Day Weekend downpour, the Red River came up about 6 feet. So, the Oak Grove Frisbee Golf Course now has water hazards. It's made every toss an adventure.

Dr. Robert Atkins pisses me off. Well, I should say, the nationwide obsession with the Atkins diet pisses me off. Nearly every company that makes food jumped on that bandwagon. And some of it is just crazy. Like low-carb milk. It's a travesty, and a sham, and a mockery. It's a traveshamockery. If you want to life a healtier life, do the following. PERMANENTLY change your diet, paying careful attention to how much you consume. EXERCISE. It's doesn't have to be a hardcore workout. Just get off your lazy butt and be physically active on a regular basis. BURGLEFLICKLE!!

I'm starting to get stuff ready to sell on eBay. Can't wait for those big bucks to come rolling in.

Please, put your shirt back on Bill Clement. I'll buy as much Deep Woods OFF as you want.

They say it's impossible to consume an entire gallon of milk in an hour. But I say those who attempt it are not using an appropriate strategy. They try to chug the whole thing quickly. I say, do a double-shot (2 oz) every minute. Give your stomach, and body, time to absorb the milk in small amounts. Then, chug an 8 ounce glass to finish it off. If this doesn't work, then I'll probably agree that it's not doable.

Thanks a lot. You've been a great audience.

Come over to the dark side...

The NBA playoffs have been WAY better than the NHL playoffs this year. And I'm a man who loves hockey and hates basketball. Why has the NBA put out a better product?

1. Minnesota Timberwolves made it all the way to the Western Conference Finals. This was the first year they won a playoff series. They beat Sacramento in 7. They forced Los Angeles to a Game 6, when most people expected the Wolves to lose in at most 5. But the best part about KG and the T-Wolves run? Someone else cared. I watched several playoff games with my buddies John, John, Brian, and Aaron. Going over to the Maxwell's place became almost ritualistic.

2. The Lakers. OK, most people don't like them, and I was rooting against them in the Minnesota series. But I would like to see Payton and Malone finally win. On one condition: they walk off into the sunset after the Finals.

3. Dallas, Colorado, Detroit, Toronto, and Philadelphia all lost in the NHL playoffs. I wanted to see at least one of these teams win it all. Dallas was one and done. Detroit, Colorado, and Toronto left after the second round. And Philly lost in the Eastern Conference Finals.

4. Calgary and Tampa Bay. I'm not Canadian and I'm not from Florida. I just don't care.

5. The commercials for the NBA playoffs. The Black Eyed Peas rewrote the lyrics to their song "Let's Get Retarded" to fit the basketball theme. The song has a great beat, the TV spots feature some of the NBA's greatest legends, and Fergie is a hottie. The other commercials feature the NBA trophy (I have no idea what it's called) as an object of affection. Gary Payton professing his love outside the window. Jermaine O'Neal waiting for her (it?) to get ready in Larry Bird's living room. Clever. I like it.

I was browsing the magazine rack at the grocery store the other day. You know what I saw? "Combat Handguns". Why? First of all, why even publish a magazine like that? Are there so many people out there who find themselves saying, "Gee, I wish I knew more about the current trends and latest developments in the combat handgun industry."? Second, why is it in a grocery store? If I found that magazine in a gun shop, I'd understand. Less so in a bookstore, but still acceptable. But a grocery store? Third, this is North Dakota. The least violent and safest of the 50 states. I'd like to see the look on the cashier's face when someone brings that up to the till.

If you're a female between the ages of 14 and 40, and you DO NOT have your belly button pierced, I would like to meet you. If people like that even exist.

I should really stop watching "The Matrix". I may become even more paranoid than I already am.

I don't know who's dumber. The city of Fargo for putting a stoplight at the corner of 45th Street and 23rd Avenue South, or the people trying to use the shoulder of the road when making a right turn onto 23rd Ave S from the southbound lane on 45th St.

How was Brian's bachelor party? The most fun you could have sober. A good time was had by all.

Remind me to index my blog. So I don't post the same things twice.

Why is it that every time I turn on "The Price is Right", they're playing Plinko. I did it again this morning. That's like 3 times within the last year.

I wonder: are there more Canadians in Hollywood or more Jews? I'm talking about just actors and musicians. I wouldn't be surprised if it's close to a 1:1 ratio.

The thing that's so great about DVD's, and the thing that sucks, are the entire seasons of TV shows being released. For example, no one would by 6 VHS tapes with an entire season of a sitcom, or 10-12 for a drama. With DVD's, you can get that same season on 4 to 6 discs. However, you STILL pay through the nose for them. Volume 2 of Family Guy, with 22 episodes: $40. Any season of CSI: $65-75. Hell, even some DVD players are cheaper than the box sets! Maybe the next generation of video players will put an entire season on a single disc...

Speaking of DVD's, I can't wait for those episodes of "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" from Toronto to come out. If ever. They should really do that.

Gas is now $2/gallon in Fargo. Ow, my ass.

Just as bad: $3.40 for a gallon of milk. It used to be $2.75.

Scrambles!!

We have 5 vending machines in the IACC. Two Coke products, two Pepsi products, and one with snacks. Sometimes, change gets stuck in the coin slot on one of the Pepsi machines. That happened today. At first, I thought it was a quarter. After prying it free, the machine caught it. It was a dime. I hit the coin return and it came out. As I was talking to my friend Ron, I tried to put it in my pocket, only to drop it on the floor and watch it fall beneath the very machine I got it out of.

I wanted that dime. I tried to reach for it and find it. I didn't find it. But I did find a nickel. Then another. Then a penny. Then another penny. And finally, the motherload. A quarter. I came out $0.27 ahead. WOOT!!

I hate Internet Ads. I don't like banners, but I've learned to live with them. Same goes for pop up ads. It's the two newest methods of delivery that piss me off. First, there are the "Pop Over" ads. They're flash animations that show up on top of the contest you're trying to view. WTF? If you want to advertise on a web site, put it out of the way. Don't put it where I'm trying to read. And those ads make you hunt for the Close button. Then there are the newest ads that insert a little video clip. Goddamn it. When one of those appears and the sound starts playing, it gives me a freakin' heart attack. They suck ass.

You seen the previews for this movie "The Terminal"? Is anyone else thinking "Forrest Gump 2"? Instead of being mentally slow, Tom Hanks is inhibited by a language barrier. But he still manages to find happiness. Seems like a good movie, but I dunno...

Turn on ESPN2 Saturday and Sunday nights for Sportscenter en Espanol. It's fun to watch the anchors rattle off in Spanish during the highlights of a baseball game, then having to slow down when they come to a totally normal American name. And the commercials are in Spanish too!! Sweet.

OK, here's my beef with Quidditch. No substitutes. Your team has 7 people, and that's it. You lose one of your players, you're screwed. You have to scramble for a replacement, someone who hasn't been practicing or is prepared. Like asking a random guy in the stands to pinch-run if one of your batters is beaned with a pitch and has to be taken out on a stretcher. And wizards and witches have been playing this game for centuries. You'd think that they were smart enough to account for this.

If you have no idea what I was talking about in that last paragraph, just nod your head, smile, and move on to the next one.

I'm so ready to rip into what's wrong with my place of work, but I'll wait until I don't work there anymore before I do.

Other things to look for: My ULTIMATE Star Trek crew. I'm such a dork. :P

Hi mom!!

Crap, I forgot what I was going to say... Ah, screw it.

Oh, I remember now! I'm thinking of creating a public, group blog. One where you guys can also post stuff. I'll call it "Friends of Fritz". Send me an e-mail if you're interested. pjfritz21@yahoo.com

You know what would be fun? Star Trek's Worf appearing in Trix commercials. Think of it. Maybe some person is enjoying breakfast. He/She offers the cereal to the Klingon. He responds, "I do not want any. Trix are for kids." Hilarious.

The Twins are back on Fox Sports Net. Victory has been defeated. Read all about it.

Speaking of cable TV, this is how it SHOULD work. Every cable channel is either basic or premium, but they ALL work like premium channels. You select which channels you want. You pay for the channels you select, and ONLY those channels. Personally, I'd give Lifetime, any religious channel, The Disney Channel, shopping channels, and the C-SPANs the boot. I think I've watched every other channel I've got at least once.

Please hold for the next available customer service representative...

Shows/Series I'm waiting for on VH1:

Best of Best of Best Week Ever
I Love the 70's Strikes Back
I Love the 30's
I Love July 27, 2001
Return of I Love the 80's
I Love the 2010's

I swear, within like 2 years, they'll be airing that stuff to death.

The saddest thing of all? Yeah, that's right, I'll watch it. :( :P

How does the Twins' Interleague schedule include the Mets, Philly, the Montreal/San Juan/D.C./Vegas/Portland Expos, Milwaukee, and... ARIZONA? Huh?

Clear duct tape. OK, I understand colored duct tape. Those prom outfits and scholarships are pretty damn cool. But clear? That's not right.

I'm so close to done. Yet so far. One more week. Then I'm done with this hellhole. Going to college may end up being one of the best things I've done, and if I had to do it over again, I probably would, but god damn. I've lost almost all respect for this school. Tuition hikes, STS, Division I athletics. Ugh.

Burp.

You know, fruit is kind of hit-and-miss. I'll buy apples or oranges to snack on. And I'll eat them. Until I get one that just doesn't taste right. An apple that's a little overripe, slighty mushy, not firm or sweet enough. An orange that's a little underripe, too firm, bitter. Then I won't buy any for weeks.

My precious flash drive might be failing. My precious... <gollum>Gives us the precious.</gollum>

I think Avril Lavigne puts up a tough front to hide the fragile, delicate girl on the inside. As a performer, of course. And a pop-punk. Or a punk-pop. I think she just needs a hug.

I still want a camera phone. So I can photograph the stupid and silly things I see when I'm driving in my car. As long as I don't have to pay extra for the accessories to download the pics to my computer, so I can put them on the Internet.